This is why we have blond jokes.
“Please use tongues to pick pastries.
I’m not with the CDC but I’m pretty sure these directions are wrong.
Don’t let anyone tell you not to stick a knife in an electrical socket.
It’s your right. More people are killed by the flu anyway.
I am proud to be a virgin & I will remain a virgin till I die because I want to be a good example to my children.
Rules for chopping your own wood:
- Never park downhill of a tree you are cutting.
- When in doubt, park twice as far from the tree as the tree is tall.
- Just because you live within driving distant of a forest, doesn’t make you a Lumber Jack.
- Always use the neighbor’s truck.
You know you suck in bed
When your blow up doll kills herself.
Forget the virus
We’re all gonna die tomorrow at 2
I ate your cake and
I made you a birfdae caek…
… but i eated it.
Later that day…
Sally taught herself how to ride her own bike.
I want to hear the story behind this cake.
I’m sorry I blacked out,
tried to kill you,
and almost got us arrested.
now that we washed our
hands, how the fuck do
we get them out Karen