Monthly Archives: June 2020
I don’t always
have a tapeworm
But when I do,
I pull it out of my ass
makes me feel fine
I’m feeling goofy! LOL
Doctor: This is your spine
Me: wtf put it back
I’m not an expert, but I don’t think Karen is going to make it.
I am proud to be a virgin & I will remain a virgin till I die because I want to be a good example to my children.
The number U gave me at the bar was wrong
so I followed you home
Rules for chopping your own wood:
- Never park downhill of a tree you are cutting.
- When in doubt, park twice as far from the tree as the tree is tall.
- Just because you live within driving distant of a forest, doesn’t make you a Lumber Jack.
- Always use the neighbor’s truck.
You know you suck in bed
When your blow up doll kills herself.
Although frowned upon, it’s not illegal to call a toddler an asshole.
Not a cellphone in sight…
Just people living in the moment
There are times I miss you so much, I wish I could remember where I hid your body.