What DO I want?

This post was originally written and shared way back in December of 2007. I am revisiting it today because while some of the details have changed, the basics remain the same. And 12 years later, I don’t know that I am any closer to it now.  Interesting to me how the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Here’s the post:

Today, I actually took the time to write down what it is that I really do want. I expected the list would look a little bit different than it does. I fully expected my list would say that I want money, and I want to be healthy, and I want a Vardo Van, and I want my dog to live as long as I do, and I want to be enlightened, and I want everything to be OK. And while those things are certainly embedded, the list itself came out somewhat different, here it is:

FREEDOM: To be free financially, not tied down to a boring job; not worried about how all the bills will be paid; no debt hanging over my head; free to go where I want to go, to do what excites and interests me, to be free from the obligations and problems that deplete my energy and “bring me down.”

CONNECTION: deep real and intimate connection… to what? To the earth, to primal energy, to creativity, to love, to truth, to the tides, the seasons, the rhythm of nature, to magic, to… insight, intuition, the innermost resources of my own heart.

I really want to be wide open to life. Raw and real. Sharp and soft at the same time. Honest. Willing to walk through fear, to wade right into whatever presents itself. No more running, no more hiding, no more closing the windows and locking the doors.

And it occurred to me that the list is actually in a sort of reverse order. When I am wide open to life, willing to walk through fear and wade right into whatever presents itself, when I am done running, and hiding behind closed doors, that’s when I will begin to feel that deep and intimate connection to life itself… to magic, to the innermost resources of my heart. And when I accomplish that, I WILL be free.

So, there it is.  Open Door Meditation, here I come!