My Sanity Issues

So here I am, it’s 3 am, New Years Day, 2019… unable to sleep because I’m coming down from a drug induced zombie like state brought on by medication for a bad head cold. They say that what you find yourself doing on New Years Day is a good indication of what you’ll be doing for the rest of the year. And I hope that isn’t true, because if it is, it means that I will be mindlessly blogging bullshit while everything else around me goes to shit.

There are so many other ways that I had hoped today would unfold… for example:

  • Waking up rested, well, and full of energy.
  • Jumping out of bed ready and eager to face the new year.
  • Sleepily rolling out of bed feeling relaxed and happy.

Ok, I don’t even believe one word of that. Actually, if my day had started in any one of those three ways, I’d be wondering who the fuck I am and why the hell did I take over Shirley’s body, because hey… if I’m going to take over someone’s body and have a bunch of energy, I’d really like it to be someone who is younger, better looking, and who has more money!

So, now that I’ve got that off my mind, I think I’m going to work on my New Years Resolutions… and that’s something for a different post, because I don’t want it to be associated with, or connected to this one. God forbid that my ambitious ideas for the new year should have anything to do with my “real” life… LOL…

Back in the winter of 2008, I was looking for an illustration of my current frame of mind and found this. The painting is by Ejnar Nielsen. This is the information that came with it:
painting by ejnar nielsen. now, this is more of what one would come to expect from a Scandinavian artist: depression, despair, gloom, angst, fatigue, suppressed anger… clearly, i am in my comfort zone 🙂 …

any one who has endured several winters in Denmark, and then imagines oneself having to suffer through such a winter one hundred years back, living in poverty as many rural people did, it is not hard to imagine why someone could be as somber as our subject is, regardless of what it is that he might actually have encountered during his lifetime leading up to this moment. to me, when I first cast my eyes upon this painting, I thought, “ahh, the perfect winter painting.”

in all honesty, though, there is a truth seeking element in this painting that is also unusual for danish art – which draws me to this work.

the choice of subject soberly confronts the notion of death and dying, a topic that elicits extreme discomfort in Denmark, supported by the fact that most old people in this country die alone, either at home or in nursing homes (this I know, from research I once did for a feature film that I worked on)…

the positioning of the subject, off balanced in an almost empty space, is very typical of Scandinavian work, and it brings to mind both Carl Dreyer’s film work, and of course, Bergman, enhanced by the “wide screen” format of the image.

From my old blogger blog – shirleytwofeathers.blogspot.com

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