Frequently Asked Questions
Do you have questions about love and marriage? I’ve got the answers right here! Just about anything you want to know about this important issue. I found it in my inbox this morning, it was too fun not to share.
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
- You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
~Alan, age 10
- No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
~Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
- Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER , by then..
~Camille, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
- You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
~Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
- Both don’t want any more kids.
~Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
- Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
~Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure?)
- On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
~Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
- I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
~Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
- When they’re rich.
~Pam, age 7
- The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
~Curt, age 7
- The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
~Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
- It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
~Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
- There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
~Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is……..
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
- Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck hit her.
~Ricky, age 10
So, what is love, anyway… everybody talks about it… we all want it… don’t we? I can find quotes, and images, books and lengthy dissertations about love – how to get it, how to express it, where to find it, where not to find it… but what is love actually? Here’s one definition:
I looked up the dictionary definition and came up with a short version that seems true to me. Here it is:
Love is a feeling of warm personal attachment, profoundly tender, a feeling in which you find pleasure and receive great benefit from when you give it, and also when you receive it.
And that’s probably why that quote about weird love sounds so true. How profoundly wonderful it is to find someone whose weirdness is compatible with your own. Wouldn’t it right away give you a pleasurable feeling of safety and delight to discover that suddenly you are not alone? And how would you not get attached to that? Of course we love the people whose weirdness is compatible with ours – we love them all the way up until the day we change, or they change… or life splits us apart.
Five signs you might be a dragon:
- Do you hoard useless, shiny things?
- Do you eat too much?
- Do you sleep too much?
- How do you feel about leaving your cave? Not too happy about it?
- Do you have an excessive desire to flame annoying humans?
So, it’s true, I must be a dragon. I have all five of the signs.
I have a gagillion questions for God. It’s quite a list.
- What is my purpose in life?
- Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing?
- Am I supposed to be doing anything in particular?
- Is the concept of “supposed to be” even a valid one?
- Do you love me?
- Am I acceptable?
- Am I a miserable failure?
- Who are you anyway?
- Why am I here?
- What do you want from me?
- How do you expect me to know what you want if you don’t tell me anything in plain English?
- Do you speak English?
- Who am I really?
- Why am I having so much trouble doing and/or being … (insert long list here) … ?
- Can I please have a bunch of money so I can get out of debt?
- I would very much like for you to call me up on the phone every day so we can have a nice long talk, would you please do that for me?
- How can I make sure that the answer to the previous question is “yes”?
- You could give me a big red phone. It could say “hot line to God” on it. Everyday it could ring, and I would answer it. We could be friends, you could help me with stuff, wouldn’t that be fun?
- Maybe I could even help you with stuff, don’t you think that would be fun?
- Of course, you probably never need help… (insert big sigh of relief on my part), that’s true, isn’t it? You’re the Master of the Universe, you don’t need any help with anything, do you?
- Especially not from me, right?
- Maybe you don’t even know who I am. Do you know me? Have we met before?
- What is actually true?
- Are you reading this list of questions right now?
- Do you think maybe you might answer one of them today?
- What if I said “please”?
Have problems? Need something fixed? Don’t know what to do? Ask any how-to question, and get an immediate answer from The Plumber Dude. How cool is that?