Frequently Asked Questions
This was posted on my old blogger blog on Monday, December 21, 2009. It’s pretty funny, and relevant to something else I’m going to post, so I’m sharing it here. The “ask a fictional character widgets” mentioned are no longer viable… I wish they were. Looks like I might have to make some of my own. But that’s for another time. Anyway, here it is:
In case you weren’t paying attention, I posted a whole bunch of silly widgets and other stuff on facebook, Gypsy Magic, and yes… here too. Suddenly it occurred to me that maybe I was just fooling around and maybe I should get busy and go Christmas Shopping. But I didn’t want to stop, I thought maybe… who knows… what I’ve been posting might actually have some value.
So I asked Tony Soprano if anyone was even going to read a single one of my facebook posts today and he had this to say:
I doubt it. — You don’t shit where you eat. And you really don’t shit where I eat.
Hmmmm… have I been posting shit on facebook all morning? I decided that maybe I should ask Buffy if Tony Soprano was right. Here’s what she said:
Yes, without a doubt. — If I was any more open-minded about the choices you two make, my whole brain would fall out.
When I quit laughing so hard that I spit coffee out my nose, it occurred to me to ask Tony Montana what he thought about the whole thing and he said this:
It’s hard to say. — I got ears, ya’ know. I hear things.
LOL… too funny!!! I love these widgets!! Those question mark chairs are cool too!
Ok, so I’ve been considering how to channel Aragorn and it occurred to me that I need to answer some basic questions first:
- Where is the shire?
- And what exactly am I protecting it from?
- Who are the hobbits?
- Rivendell… how do I get there from here?
- Arwyn, who are you? Where are you? And how do you spell your name?
- What is the sword that was broken?
- Where do I find it?
- Who is going to reforge it for me?
- What is the quest?
- Where the heck is Frodo, anyway?
- Does this mean that I have to walk everywhere I go from now on?
- Or will I eventually get a horse to ride?
- Do I really have to put up with Boromir? Where is he anyway?
- Who are the bad guys?
- And Gandalf, where is he when you need him?
I have been on this planet for more than a half a century, and I still have so many unanswered questions!!!! I still haven’t found out who let the Dogs Out…where’s the beef…how to get to Sesame Street… why Dora doesn’t just use Google Maps…
But wait there’s more:
- Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same?
- How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
- Why are eggs packaged in a flimsy paper carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that’s tough as nails, yet light bulbs too are in a flimsy carton…
- Ever buy scissors? You need scissors to cut into the packaging of scissors…
- I still don’t understand why there is Braille on drive up ATM’s or at the toll booth on the interstate.
- Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
- Why is there a D in ‘fridge’ but not in refrigerator?
- Why is lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons?
- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Really?
- Why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts” where’s that extra penny going?
- Why does The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune… Why did you just try to sing those two previous songs…
- And just what is Victoria’s secret?
- What would you do for a Klondike bar and you know as soon as you bite into it it falls apart…
- Why do we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways?
Do you really think I am this witty?? … I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from her brother’s girlfriend’s, uncle’s cousin’s, baby mamma’s doctor who lived next door to an old class mate’s mail man…Now it is your turn to take it from me…Peace!!
Way back in 2007, I asked the Faery Oracle Cards this question: What is the best way for me to get out from under my Bank of America debt? I think the answer is still relevant today for how to get out from under any of my remaining debts.
Here is the answer: The Journeyman
Key words: Adventure. Independence. Polishing of skills. Travel.
Overview: All the great ones – the saints, the bodhisattvas, and all of those who are filled by the spiritual light – have been on this journey. They went into the wilderness stepping, like fools, off the safe paths, into the waiting hands of their gods and goddesses. This is the journey of life, a pilgrimage that begins in ignorant trust, passes through all of the doubts, fears, ups and downs, probably all of the delusions and certainly all of the confusions. Through it, we learn slowly, painfully, a new kind of trust, a trust in the process, detached from the goal.
About the image: Our young Oengus Journeyman, bless him, is stepping out on the journey of life, positively glowing with enthusiasm. Even his toes sparkle. Bright handsome, and educated, he has completed his apprenticeship in faery crafts and magics, but he has not yet achieved true mastery of his trade. To accomplish this he must leave the protection of his master and step out onto his path as an independent journeyman craftsman. He is testing himself and his knowledge in the world. He hopes to eventually achieve the status of Master maker. Right now he knows a lot of facts, has all the basic skills, but probably knows less than he thinks he does. He is about to learn about the skills of survival – bartering, persuading, selling, buying wisely, enjoying life, making friends.
Oengus still has lovely playful, childlike qualities, and now it is time to learn to care for himself. No one is looking over his shoulder to see that he does his work right and eats properly. Oengus may take chances and even make mistakes sometimes, as we all do, but this is how we learn. He is now confronting (and being confronted by) the real world. Here, he will discover that excuses don’t buy bread and that the quality and integrity of one’s work and actions are what counts, but he has been well taught and pretty well knows this already.
He has romantic dreams of being a great hero, of becoming the supreme master of his craft, and of winning a faery princess. Some of these dreams will come true – perhaps all of them. Continue reading
Have problems? Need something fixed? Don’t know what to do? Ask any how-to question, and get an immediate answer from The Plumber Dude. How cool is that?