Funny Stories

Those of you who are placing Christmas lights / decorations in your yards, can you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it’s the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my vodka, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to put my clothes back on. It’s just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

IN THE EVENT OF A TURKEY ATTACK, CALL THE POLICE!

They might look silly, but a belligerent turkey is no joke. Male turkeys work very hard to impress other turkeys, and what could be more impressive than attacking a bigger animal? Turkey behavior experts advise those who find themselves in close quarters with the big birds to call the police if things get mean. Until the authorities arrive, they say, your best bet is to make yourself as big and imposing as you possibly can.

  • Aggressive turkeys in Rocky River, Ohio halted mail delivery, temporarily. “The carriers are carrying an air horn to see if that will scare off the turkeys, if that will discourage them,” a spokesperson for the post office said. Here’s the video:

  • A gang of turkeys caused the elderly of Stamford, Connecticut to hide indoors. The aggressive turkeys would pick fights amongst each other, then turn on the residents!
  • A turkey drop kicked a woman in Foxboro, Massachusetts. She fended the rest of the turkeys off with the help of a neighbor. Here’s the video:

  • One woman had to threaten a turkey with a shovel to protect her child. One person called them “a menace to the town.”
  • A gang of turkeys pooped all over Eugene, Oregon. A city council member referred to them as “gangster” turkeys. Here’s the video:

  • Domestic terrorism in Mt. Lebanon, Pennsylvania. Turkey attacking people in SUVs. A fearless turkey attacked a police car in Mount Vernon, Pennsylvania. His name is Stu and he gets aggressive when he sees his reflection.
  • A gang of turkeys in Falmouth, Massachusetts wouldn’t stop harassing post workers. “Every day.” Check out the video:

  • A group of turkeys attacked members of a congregation that were…cooking turkey. Two members of the church were “gobbled at and chased back inside.”
  • Turkeys have also been known to attack reporters. They are basically smaller versions of dinosaurs. Here’s a video:

  • One energetic bird, known as “Smoked Turkey–Mayor of Ashwaubenon,” is wanted by the police. Public Safety has asked that residents not feed him, even though he is their mayor. Here’s a video:

  • A turkey laid 18 eggs on a Staten Island man’s property and refused to move. An animal rescue team moved her and her babies to an animal sanctuary, so this story had a happier ending than most.
  • A “mean” turkey won’t stop pecking at cars in Florida. “Everybody has a turkey story,” one resident said. Here’s a video:

  • A woman could only chase a loitering turkey away by throwing her Thanksgiving turkey at it. LOL … the circle of life.

Found at BuzzFeed

‘You’re getting too old for this game, Scott. … They say the legs are the first to go.’

Got this from my cousin and just had to share it with all my Facebook friends who have entered that stage of life where one little mistake can cause a real dent into your day! That day is coming….  Don’t think it won’t happen to you.

This is what all of you 70+ year old’s have to look forward to:

This happened in an Aged Care Center.

The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central Cafeteria.

One morning, one of the residents didn’t show up for breakfast so my friend went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK.

She could hear him through the door . He said that he was running late, and would be down shortly, so she went back to the Dining area.

An hour later, he still hadn’t arrived; so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time.

He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.

She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn’t in any pain, and just wanted to have his breakfast.

So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him.

A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.

Found in my Facebook feed.

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