never do this

Have you heard about the two duck hunters from Wisconsin? This is absolutely a true story heard on a Wisconsin radio station reporting on the incident.

A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00).

He and a friend go duck hunting in mid-winter; and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go on a lake with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR.

They decide they want to make a natural looking water area for the ducks,something for the decoys to float on. Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce.

So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far way as possible.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG…??? Let’s talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: the dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice.

The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming.

One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator.

The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dogs rear end, he yelps, drop the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master.

Then BOOOOOOOOOOOOM !!!! The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with “I can’t believe this just happened” looks on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments… The dog is okay…

Source: Newspaper item from Wisconsin

The testimony and investigation into the death of Addison Williams, dated 18 January 1873, can be found in the Bedford County Coroners’ Inquisitions, 1813-1899. The collection is open for research and available at the Library of Virginia.

On 25 December 1872 in Bedford County, VA, Williams paid a visit to the home of Cornelia and Charles Abram. He arrived “about light” and was given a dram of whiskey by William Ogden. Ogden then made a gallon of eggnog, and Williams “drank a glass and repeated several times.” Everyone present “drank eggnog freely,” but Williams enjoyed it most of all, drinking more than the rest of the party.

He “left the house and threw up,” only to come back and take another drink. Afterwards, Williams “left in a run, as in a prank,” never to be seen again. Williams “had commenced showing he was under the influence of liquor,” but no one at the party thought him too drunk to make it home. As one party goer put it, “…as I thought he was going so well it was useless for me to go with him.”

Unfortunately, Williams could have used a little assistance. He was found on Christmas morning “dead and frozen” mere yards from his house. The resulting coroner’s inquisition determined Williams came to his death as a result of “being exposed to the cold after drinking a large quantity of mean whiskey.”

Source: Appalachian History

 

This was titled “Metaphysical Poem” and every time I read it, I get very confused… which might be the purpose of it… or the point… I don’t know. And I have no idea what it means… which again, might be the point and/or the purpose… anyway, here it is:

When do you want to go
I’m not sure I want to go there
where do you want to go
any place
I think I’d fall apart any place else
well I’ll go if you really want to
I don’t particularly care
but you’ll fall apart any place else
I can just go home
I don’t really mind going there
but I don’t want to force you to go there
you won’t be forcing me I’d just as soon
I wouldn’t be able to stay long anyway
maybe we could go somewhere nearer
I’m not wearing a jacket
just like you weren’t wearing a tie
well I didn’t say we had to go
I don’t care whether you’re wearing one
we don’t really have to do anything
well all right let’s not
okay I’ll call you
yes call me

~Frank O’Hara

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