me me me
This post was originally written and shared way back in December of 2007. I am revisiting it today because while some of the details have changed, the basics remain the same. And 12 years later, I don’t know that I am any closer to it now. Interesting to me how the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Here’s the post:
Today, I actually took the time to write down what it is that I really do want. I expected the list would look a little bit different than it does. I fully expected my list would say that I want money, and I want to be healthy, and I want a Vardo Van, and I want my dog to live as long as I do, and I want to be enlightened, and I want everything to be OK. And while those things are certainly embedded, the list itself came out somewhat different, here it is:
FREEDOM: To be free financially, not tied down to a boring job; not worried about how all the bills will be paid; no debt hanging over my head; free to go where I want to go, to do what excites and interests me, to be free from the obligations and problems that deplete my energy and “bring me down.”
CONNECTION: deep real and intimate connection… to what? To the earth, to primal energy, to creativity, to love, to truth, to the tides, the seasons, the rhythm of nature, to magic, to… insight, intuition, the innermost resources of my own heart.
I really want to be wide open to life. Raw and real. Sharp and soft at the same time. Honest. Willing to walk through fear, to wade right into whatever presents itself. No more running, no more hiding, no more closing the windows and locking the doors.
And it occurred to me that the list is actually in a sort of reverse order. When I am wide open to life, willing to walk through fear and wade right into whatever presents itself, when I am done running, and hiding behind closed doors, that’s when I will begin to feel that deep and intimate connection to life itself… to magic, to the innermost resources of my heart. And when I accomplish that, I WILL be free.
So, there it is. Open Door Meditation, here I come!
So, my grandiose scheme for an awesome website is gradually coming true. Only problem is that it’s not free. Not only that – it just got even more expensive due to bandwidth issues. So, maybe at some point I’ll try a “Go Fund Me” to pay for the web hosting.
Right now, though, I’m working on a new shop at Red Bubble. They pay better than Cafe Press, and if I can just make enough sales, it would really help to pay for this awesome and amazingly ambitious website. I think the stuff I have made so far is pretty freaking cool…
So if you’d like to support my endeavors, just visit my new RedBubble shop: Magick Mama, and even if you don’t buy anything, at least you can like or share the designs that you think are cool. The more visitors I have, and the more likes I have, the easier it is for people to find my designs – and then, theoretically, stuff will sell and money will pile up in my paypal account!
So here I am, it’s 3 am, New Years Day, 2019… unable to sleep because I’m coming down from a drug induced zombie like state brought on by medication for a bad head cold. They say that what you find yourself doing on New Years Day is a good indication of what you’ll be doing for the rest of the year. And I hope that isn’t true, because if it is, it means that I will be mindlessly blogging bullshit while everything else around me goes to shit.
There are so many other ways that I had hoped today would unfold… for example:
- Waking up rested, well, and full of energy.
- Jumping out of bed ready and eager to face the new year.
- Sleepily rolling out of bed feeling relaxed and happy.
Ok, I don’t even believe one word of that. Actually, if my day had started in any one of those three ways, I’d be wondering who the fuck I am and why the hell did I take over Shirley’s body, because hey… if I’m going to take over someone’s body and have a bunch of energy, I’d really like it to be someone who is younger, better looking, and who has more money!
So, now that I’ve got that off my mind, I think I’m going to work on my New Years Resolutions… and that’s something for a different post, because I don’t want it to be associated with, or connected to this one. God forbid that my ambitious ideas for the new year should have anything to do with my “real” life… LOL…
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