Found On Facebook
I saw this on Facebook the other day. The idea is to pick your favorite. My favorite is #1. What about you?
- When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison
- To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
- Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
- It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.
- The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
- When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
- I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
- I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
- Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
- If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”
- When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
- I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
- I run like the winded.
- I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.
- When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”
- When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
- I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
- When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”
- Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.
- Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
- My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
There is no egg in the eggplant,
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that:
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why hasn’t the preacher praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down,
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all.)
That is why:
When the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
But when I wind up this poem
Shared by: Teresa Janusaitis
Really really love this. I found it on Facebook a while back. I think this might even make for a good Prosperity Project. I am thinking about it, but not sure if I am ready for all the work involved in a project that not very many people are interested in. So, I don’t know…. Anyway. Here it is.
Push yourself to get up before the rest of the world – start with 7 am, then 6 am, then 5:30 am. Go to the nearest hill with a big coat, your favorite blanket and a scarf and watch the sun rise.
Push yourself to fall asleep earlier – start with 11 pm, then 10 pm, then 9 pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.
Lie in your garden, feel the sunshine on your skin.
Get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. Fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. Sit and eat it and do nothing else.
Stretch. Start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. Stretch your fingers. Stretch everything.
Buy a water bottle. Push yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.
Buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. Write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. No detail is too small.
Strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear into the washing machine. Wash, then hang them in the sunshine with care. Make your bed in full.
Dig your fingers into the earth, plant a seed. See your success as it grows everyday.
Organize your room. Fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. Light your favorite candle.
Breathe. Practice your deep breathing. Ground yourself.
Have a luxurious shower with your favorite music playing. Wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. Lather your whole body in moisturizer, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck. Wash the day’s stress away.
Push yourself to go for a walk. Take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. Smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. Bring your dog and observe the dog’s behavior. Realize you can learn from your dog.
Message old friends with personal jokes. Reminisce. Suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. Push yourself to follow through.
Think long and hard about what interests you. Crime? Sex? Boarding school? Long-forgotten romance etiquette? Find a book about it and read it. There is a book about literally everything.
- Become the person you would ideally fall in love with.
- Let cars merge into your lane when driving.
- Pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine.
- Stick your tongue out at babies.
- Help an animal.
- Compliment people on their cute clothes.
- Challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day-then two, then a week.
- Walk with a straight posture.
- Look people in the eye.
- Ask people about their story. Talk to acquaintances so they become friends.
Lie in the sunshine. Daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. Open your eyes.
Take small steps to make it happen for you…
Have problems? Need something fixed? Don’t know what to do? Ask any how-to question, and get an immediate answer from The Plumber Dude. How cool is that?