funny stuff

Some of these look really really fun.

  • At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
  • Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
  • Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
  • Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “In.”
  • Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
  • In the memo field of all your checks, write “For Smuggling Diamonds.”
  • Finish all your sentences with “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”
  • Don’t use any punctuation in any of your messages or emails.
  • As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  • Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
  • Specify that your drive-through order is “To Go.”
  • Sing along at the Opera.
  • Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
  • Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds All Day.
  • Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re “Not In The Mood.”
  • Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, “Rock Bottom.”
  • When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won!, I Won!”
  • When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run For Your Lives, They’re Loose!!”
  • Tell your children over dinner. “Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.”
  • And the final way to keep a Healthy Level Of Insanity……. share this post with someone to make them smile…….Its called therapy.

Found in a very old email.

Have you heard about the two duck hunters from Wisconsin? This is absolutely a true story heard on a Wisconsin radio station reporting on the incident.

A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00).

He and a friend go duck hunting in mid-winter; and of course all of the lakes are frozen. These two guys go on a lake with their GUNS, a DOG, and of course the new NAVIGATOR.

They decide they want to make a natural looking water area for the ducks,something for the decoys to float on. Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck is going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can produce.

So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse. Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along with the Navigator), decide on the following course of action: they light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw the stick of dynamite as far way as possible.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the GUNS, and the DOG…??? Let’s talk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner. You guessed it: the dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just as it hits the ice.

The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at the dog to stop. The dog, now apparently cheered on by his master, keeps coming.

One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with #8 bird shot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightly confused then continues on. Another shot, and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane. The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator.

The men continue to scream as they run. The red hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dogs rear end, he yelps, drop the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his master.

Then BOOOOOOOOOOOOM !!!! The truck is blown to bits and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the two idiots standing there with “I can’t believe this just happened” looks on their faces.

The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to make the first of those $560.00 a month payments… The dog is okay…

Source: Newspaper item from Wisconsin

Those of you who are placing Christmas lights / decorations in your yards, can you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it’s the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my vodka, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to put my clothes back on. It’s just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

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I think it's time to go shopping... maybe even buy some really cool stuff at my online shops!!

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