funny stuff

Above is an artist’s depiction of a fruit bowl. It was only when he looked at his finished painting that he realized a ninja was hiding in front of him the whole time.

If you’re trying to find a ninja, (make sure you have a written will and you’ve said goodbye to everybody you love, unless you can bribe a ninja or beg him to be your slave) these are the places they’re most commonly found. How do I know? Well let’s just say I’ve lost a lot of interns.

  • Behind you
  • In front of you
  • Near you
  • Around you
  • Under you
  • Inside you
  • On top of you
  • Diagonally horizontal to the left of your adjacent position
  • Between you
  • In the shadows of you and your loved ones
  • The tree in your backyard
  • In small villages
  • In your refrigerator
  • Adjacent to your car keys
  • Wherever Pirates happen to be
  • In napalm manufacturing plants
  • In the walls

The following picture of a room full of ninjas is a great example of ninja invisibility skills:

Can’t see them? Need a hint?

  • one is hiding behind the wallpaper.
  • four are hiding behind the desks.
  • one hypnotized you to not see him.
  • three are hiding behind the camera.
  • one is dressed as a teacher who is also a ninja so you can’t find her.
  • at least six are hanging outside the window

Source: The Uncyclopedia Ninja Wiki

I thought this pic was a fake until I saw the rest of the story. And I thought I had lawnmower problems…

Here’s what happened:

A giant saltwater crocodile named Elvis with an apparent affinity for household machinery charged at an Australian reptile park worker Wednesday before stealing his lawn mower.

Tim Faulkner, operations manager at the Australian Reptile Park, north of Sydney, was one of three workers tending to the lawn in Elvis’ enclosure when he heard reptile keeper Billy Collett yelp. Faulkner looked up to see the 16-foot (5-meter), 1,100-pound (500-kilogram) crocodile lunging out of its lagoon at Collett, who warded the creature off with his mower.

“Before we knew it, the croc had the mower above his head,” Faulkner said. “He got his jaws around the top of the mower and picked it up and took it underwater with him.”

The workers quickly left the enclosure. Elvis, meanwhile, showed no signs of relinquishing his new toy and guarded it closely all morning. Eventually, Faulkner realized he had no other choice but to go back for the mower.

Collett lured Elvis to the opposite end of the lagoon with a heaping helping of kangaroo meat while Faulkner plunged, fully clothed, into the water. Before grabbing the mower, however, he had to search the bottom of the lagoon for two 3-inch (7-centimeter) teeth Elvis lost during the encounter. He quickly found them and escaped from the pool, unharmed and with mower in tow.

Though many may question the wisdom of going after a couple of teeth with a massive crocodile lurking just feet away, Faulkner said finding them was critical. “They clog up the filter systems,” he said.

Source

‘You’re getting too old for this game, Scott. … They say the legs are the first to go.’

Got this from my cousin and just had to share it with all my Facebook friends who have entered that stage of life where one little mistake can cause a real dent into your day! That day is coming….  Don’t think it won’t happen to you.

This is what all of you 70+ year old’s have to look forward to:

This happened in an Aged Care Center.

The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central Cafeteria.

One morning, one of the residents didn’t show up for breakfast so my friend went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK.

She could hear him through the door . He said that he was running late, and would be down shortly, so she went back to the Dining area.

An hour later, he still hadn’t arrived; so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time.

He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.

She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn’t in any pain, and just wanted to have his breakfast.

So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him.

A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.

Found in my Facebook feed.

This was posted on my old blogger blog on Monday, December 21, 2009. It’s pretty funny, and relevant to something else I’m going to post, so I’m sharing it here. The “ask a fictional character widgets” mentioned are no longer viable… I wish they were. Looks like I might have to make some of my own. But that’s for another time. Anyway, here it is:
question-mark-chair01_2263
In case you weren’t paying attention, I posted a whole bunch of silly widgets and other stuff on facebook, Gypsy Magic, and yes… here too. Suddenly it occurred to me that maybe I was just fooling around and maybe I should get busy and go Christmas Shopping. But I didn’t want to stop, I thought maybe… who knows… what I’ve been posting might actually have some value.

So I asked Tony Soprano if anyone was even going to read a single one of my facebook posts today and he had this to say:

I doubt it. — You don’t shit where you eat. And you really don’t shit where I eat.

Hmmmm… have I been posting shit on facebook all morning? I decided that maybe I should ask Buffy if Tony Soprano was right. Here’s what she said:

Yes, without a doubt. — If I was any more open-minded about the choices you two make, my whole brain would fall out.

When I quit laughing so hard that I spit coffee out my nose, it occurred to me to ask Tony Montana what he thought about the whole thing and he said this:

It’s hard to say. — I got ears, ya’ know. I hear things.

LOL… too funny!!! I love these widgets!! Those question mark chairs are cool too!

Breadcrumbs
Christmas


I think it's time to go shopping... maybe even buy some really cool stuff at my online shops!!

My Stats