When in doubt, do something new!

Yes, that’s pretty much how I do life. So this morning it occurred to me that I must be riding a wave of doubt because I have started a bunch of new things. I have started so many new things that it’s getting ridiculous and problematic to try to keep up with them, and just yesterday… I started planning and talking about yet another new project.

I wonder if it’s because I am feeling doubtful about my ability to keep up with everything I have going on in the moment! I wonder if it’s intervention time!

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a six page list of all the things I want to do before I die. I don’t know if it was because I was feeling mortal, or because I was depressed and needing a reason to keep on keeping on. But SIX PAGES ? Seriously?

Those six pages are currently pinned to my refrigerator, and I think I’m going to post them. Because why not? Here’s the link to the mega list, in case you are curious about the extremity of my ambition. It is a very ambitious list.

And if I really do want to get all six pages of stuff done, I’m going to have to get started on them right now. No more mindless games on my phone. No more Facebook surfing. No more wasting time on ridiculous bullshit.

I feel like I need a plan of action. An executable plan of action. A practical plan of action… Maybe even a list… I know! A six page list of how to get that six pages of stuff done before I die. So, yes, an intervention is definitely in order.

Maybe I need to wash the dishes. That might be a good idea, since every single dish in the house is dirty. Maybe I need to clean the litter box, put away the clean clothes, vacuum the floors, and do a little bit of housekeeping… ok… let’s be honest here. It’s probably a lot more than a little bit.

I wonder if this endless cycle of stuff I want to do, stuff I am doing, stuff I plan to do, stuff I wish I had done, stuff I should be doing, stuff I probably will never do, stuff I would do if only… I wonder if all the doing and the stuffing is simply me trying to cope with the pervasive loneliness and angst of being a human person, of missing the oneness of the All That Is, trying to get back home to the wholeness from which I was born.

And if that is true, then it follows that at some point I will get back home to the All That Is, and when I do make that trip I wonder if it will all have been worth it. Did I learn what I wanted to learn? Did I experience what I set out to experience? Did I accomplish my goals?

So now we are back to the stuff I could of… should of… would of.. done. Maybe that’s what my dharma is. I wonder. It seems to be in my nature to be a doer of things. Apparently it’s my calling. Maybe it’s my struggle, my impediment, my mountain to climb, my valley to cross. I don’t know.

What I do know is this. It’s time to get a move on. I’ve got things to do and stuff to accomplish.


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