Questions For God

I have a gagillion questions for God. It’s quite a list.

• What is my purpose in life?
• Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing?
• Am I supposed to be doing anything in particular?
• Is the concept of “supposed to be” even a valid one?
• Do you love me?
• Am I acceptable?
• Am I a miserable failure?
• Who are you anyway?
• Why am I here?
• What do you want from me?
• How do you expect me to know what you want if you don’t tell me anything in plain English?
• Do you speak English?
• Who am I really?
• Why am I having so much trouble doing and/or being … (insert long list here) … ?
• Can I please have a bunch of money so I can get out of debt?
• I would very much like for you to call me up on the phone every day so we can have a nice long talk, would you please do that for me?
• How can I make sure that the answer to the previous question is “yes”?
• You could give me a big red phone. It could say “hot line to God” on it. Everyday it could ring, and I would answer it. We could be friends, you could help me with stuff, wouldn’t that be fun?
• Maybe I could even help you with stuff, don’t you think that would be fun?
• Of course, you probably never need help… (insert big sigh of relief on my part), that’s true, isn’t it? You’re the Master of the Universe, you don’t need any help with anything, do you?
• Especially not from me, right?
• Maybe you don’t even know who I am. Do you know me? Have we met before?
• What is actually true?
• Are you reading this list of questions right now?
• Do you think maybe you might answer one of them today?
• What if I said “please”?