Something Fun
Just in case you happen to invite a Klingon to dinner… here are a few recipes. Alternatively, if a Klingon invites you to dinner… this is what you just might find on the menu. LOL.
Vegetarian Lasagna
Invite a vegetarian over for tea. Politely inquire about his degenerate lifestyle in order to lull him into a false sense of security. When he lowers his guard, beat him to death with a sack of phone books.
Cook vegetarian over medium heat until brown. Remove from heat and stir in pasta sauce, onion, garlic powder, basil, and oregano. Return to low heat to simmer. Cook, drain, and rinse noodles.
In a baking dish, layer in noodles, sauce, and cheese. Bake covered with foil at 375 degrees Fahrenheit for 30 minutes or until top layer of cheese is bubbling. Let cool for 10 minutes, then serve and enjoy.
Afterward, discreetly dispose of the vegetarian’s belongings and wipe down the house from top to bottom.
Serves 4-8
Home-Style Gagh
Find someone who has already prepared some home-style gagh. Kill him/her in honorable combat and take his/her gagh. Serve cold and enjoy.
Serves 1-2
Heart of Targ
Retreat to the solitude of the wilderness. Contemplate what it means to be a man and come to terms with your shortcomings as a son, a husband, and/or a father. Play a drum if it helps. Thus centered, you are ready for Step 2.
Contemplate the targ until your mind opens and you realize that consuming the heart of a wild animal is nothing more than a romantic metaphor and that the targ’s spirit (or “mana”) will not transfer to you no matter how succulent its heart may be.
Armed with this new awareness, return to the city and order a three-meat pizza to sate your hunger. You, the targ, and the universe are now one.
Serves 1
Thing on a Stick
(a.k.a. Bachelor’s Delight)
Impale something on a sharpened stick. Cook over a pile of burning tires until bored. Serve hot and enjoy.
Serves 1
Tribble Nuggets
Preset disruptor to “incinerize.”
Identify a tribble infestation. Scramble your forces and surround the affected area with a ring of thermal mines reinforced by autoguns with overlapping fields of fire. Once secure, saturate the area with plasma mortars and spicy barbecue sauce. Assess bomb damage and repeat as necessary.
When satisfied, sweep the area with squads and mop up any remaining resistance. Retrieve charred tribble carcasses and stomp or pound into nuggets. Serve hot and enjoy.
If desired, commission an opera to celebrate your glorious triumph over the loathsome tribble menace.
Serves 1 Platoon
Found at: McSweeneys
So there’s something fun I found today. Bet you’ve never tried these recipes! Or, maybe you have… I dunno! Anyway. Enjoy!
Tomato Hot Pants.
- 1 can Heinz stewed tomatoes
- 1 pair yellow or white cotton or cotton/lycra blend hot pants with pockets
- 1 terrycloth bonnet
Roll tomatoes and hot pants into a ball, putting one or two tomatoes in each pocket. Stuff roll into terrycloth bonnet, secure tightly. Dry on high for 15 minutes.
Mint Socks.
- 1 1/2 cup chopped fresh mint leaves
- 1 cup lemon juice
- 5 pairs white cotton socks
Set aside 1 tablespoon chopped fresh mint leaves. Add lemon juice, white socks, and remaining mint leaves, dry on high for 5 minutes. Sprinkle with remaining mint leaves before folding neatly.
Artichoke Encrusted T-Shirt with Capers.
- 1 jar artichoke hearts
- 1 package Shake ‘n’ Bake original
- 1 jar capers
- 4 T-shirts
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
Mix artichoke hearts and Shake ‘n’ Bake in washer on spin cycle until smooth. Scrape into bowl and set aside. Put olive oil and T-shirts in dryer for 5 minutes on high. Add artichoke blend and capers, and dry on high for 12 minutes.
Serves 4.
Found at: McSweeneys
This one never gets old!
Yelrihs the Antsy. Hoarder of Coffee and Mice.
LOL
I am totally loving this song. It’s from Good Looking Blues (2000) by Laika. You can listen to it via the YouTube clip of the song is at the bottom of this post.
If you receive an e-mail with a subject of badtimes
Delete it immediately without reading it
This is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet
It will re-write your hard disk
Not only that but it will scramble any disks
That are even close to your computer
It will recalibrate your refrigerators coolness setting
So all your ice cream melts
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards
Screw up the tracking on your VCR
And use subspace field harmonics
To render any CD’s you try to play unreadable
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number
It will mix antifreeze into your fish-tank
It will drink all your beer and leave its socks out
On the coffee table when there’s company coming over
It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit
And hide your car keys when you are late for work
Badtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin
It will give you nightmares about circus midgets
It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows
While dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back
And billing the dinner and hotel room to your visa card
It will seduce your grandmother, it does not matter if she is dead
Such is the power of badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave
To sully those things we hold most dear, it moves your car randomly
Around parking lots so you can’t find it, it will kick your dog
It will leave libidinous messages on your boss’s voice mail in your voice
It is insidious and subtle, it is dangerous and terrifying to behold
It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve
Badtimes will give you Dutch elm disease
It will leave the toilet seat up
It will make a batch of methamphetamine in your bathtub
And then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out
To chase high school kids with your new snowblower
These are just a few of the signs, be very very careful
Written by Guy Fixsen, Margaret Fiedler.
If an image has posted without permission please leave a comment and I will happily remove it, replace it, give credit, link love ~ whatever you prefer.
I think it's time to go shopping... maybe even buy some really cool stuff at my online shops!!
