The Prosperity Project

Let’s Get Simple

I don’t know about you guys, but my “I need help” notes are looking more and more like a “to do” list and less and less like a “be kind to Shirley” project. I’m feeling overwhelmed by the impossibility of dealing with them. I definitely didn’t want to set us up for failure and yet that’s how it is starting to feel to me. So I came up with an idea…

Remember our fun little post about Using Your Words? I decided to apply it to the “needs” collection of notes that I compiled at the beginning of our project (Let’s Get Radical). Here’s how it went ~ these are my actual notes:

  • My bathroom faucets are almost totally clogged up but I don’t have to do anything about it today.
  • There is not enough music in my life and I can do something about that right now if I want to.
  • There is a giant tree branch in my yard and I don’t care.
  • My car is rusting where paint has peeled off and that’s ok because it has 300,000+ miles on it and I can always buy some spray paint and cover it up if I want to.
  • The yard is way over gown and I don’t care.
  • The Magick room is cluttered and messy but not all the time, and I’ll clean it up when I’m ready.
  • My daily meditation practice is non-existent and that’s OK.
  • My Kwan Yin outdoor garden area is overgrown and neglected but that’s OK because it has a water moccasin guarding it and I’m not going to mess with him, not today anyway.

There were way a lot more, but you get the idea. I pulled all of my notes out and wrote a good answer on the ones I’m going to release into the wild and ripped them up. I put some of the others on an actual “to do” list.  It felt really good. Like I have forgiven myself for the chaos around here, and liberated Shirley from the YOU SHOULD’s that have been dogging her for months.

I did, however keep two needs in my container. These are the two that I am actually going to make myself deal with. I chose them because it will be a huge sigh of relief to get them taken care of, and getting them taken care of will definitely make my life better. Here they are:

  • My toilet doesn’t flush properly.
  • Siding is falling off my house because wood is rotting behind it.

Obviously, for me, Radical Self Care revolves around maintaining my environment. This makes it simple because there are actual practical solutions. I actually can fix my toilet or buy a new one. And while I can’t do much about my wood rot (long story), it won’t be impossible to do a quick fix Band-Aid repair that will last through winter.

This little exercise really was helpful for me. I discovered what it was that I really want to do something about and liberated me from all the busy work that I am not interested in doing. It lightened my load, and gave me a boost of enthusiasm for the two things I’ve been dreading and avoiding for months.

So, what about you? Can you simplify your wants and needs for self care? Are there just one or two things that would make all the difference? Do you WANT to address them?

If so… call a committee meeting with yourself, make a plan of action, divide it into small easy bites, schedule a date a place and a time … and just dig in. Remember an epic journey begins with one small step followed by another, followed by more small steps with maybe a random number of mad dashes and desperate scrambles.

 

Missing Mom

Sometimes I miss my mom.  This is an especially familiar feeling for me because when I was 5 years old, my parents sent me away to boarding school. As a result, I had to learn how to be my own mom at a very young age. Somebody had to nurture and protect me or I wasn’t going to survive the experience.

No matter what your life experience was or is, we all want and need to be nurtured and protected. Part of Radical Self Care is taking an active part in that role of nurturer and protector. For some of us there’s a learning curve because we didn’t experience this early in life and we aren’t sure how to do it. For some of us, self care is riddled with guilt and fear because we were taught to never ever do it.

Right here, right now, this very moment, let’s invoke our inner moms. Who is she? What does she look like? Where has she been hiding out?  Do we need to resurrect her from the ashes of our childhoods? Do we need to create her from the inner core of who we really are? Does she need a reboot? A makeover? Maybe even an extreme makeover?

Remember, your inner mom and your actual mom are NOT one and the same. Take some time today to think about this. Maybe write a small paragraph about her, have a conversation….

My inner mom and my outer mom are in total agreement right now. It’s time to get offline and do the dishes. I’d really love to hear your thoughts and ideas!

Oh, Hi Mom!

All this talk about my inner child got me thinking about my actual mom, and how much influence she still has over my inner child self.

True story: I have a picture of my mom in a nice little frame. And everywhere I put it, it seemed like she was judging me and finding me less than. But I didn’t want to store it away in a box because that seemed … I dunno… unkind. She really did love me a lot. She just didn’t understand me at all.

So my solution was to put her in my kitchen cabinet, next to the plates and cups. Every time I open the door, I see her, and I say, “I’m really sorry.” and then I grab what I need and shut the door.

What kind of a mom did you grow up with? Are the words she used on you still reverberating? Do you have to listen to them? Can you just put them away? In a box somewhere? In an album? In the fireplace?

And when you hear your mom taking to you in ways that are judgmental, hurtful, or unkind, maybe you could roll your eyes, pull out your inner teenager, and just blow her off. Or, if she is long gone from your life maybe you could simply acknowledge her and move on with an, “Oh, Hi mom. Gotta go now.” Or something similar.

Easier said than done, I know. Especially if she is still alive and fully present and actively engaged in your life.  But maybe you can find a way to just say no to the nonsense and yes to the love?

And if you had a loving mom who was always there for you, lucky you! Listen to what she has to say, send her flowers if she’s still with you. If she’s gone from the world, send yourself the flowers because she continues to live on through you.

What do you think? Can we do it? Thoughts? Ideas? Revelations?

If Only!

I saw an ad for a game on Facebook and my first thought was…”if only it was this easy to take care of ourselves!”

Which brings me to what I want to explore today:

  • Why isn’t it easy?
  • What is the hardest part of self care?
  • Is there something really simple that would make it easier?
  • What if self care ACTUALLY IS easy, and we just THINK it’s hard?
  • Do I overthink it?
  • Maybe if instead of thinking about being considerate of me, I just did it?

I realize that it’s just a video game, but if I had a dollar for every time I wished I could just…  OH WAIT! I just watched it to the end… it’s all about choices, isn’t it?

 

Here it is in action. I really really wish it was this easy in real life!!

Note: If you saw this before, you’ll notice that I had to move the video because it covered up part of the text when I looked at it on my phone.

So now, I’m wondering…

  • How many times did I choose dynamite instead of matches when it came to making decisions for myself?
  • What about you? In your personal life do you choose the “cozy rocker” or the hard wooden chair?

And isn’t this what life is all about really? Making choices and then dealing with the consequences?

Have That Talk

Now that we’ve planned our play date, or maybe we even actually managed to squeeze it into our schedule yesterday and had a bit of fun. Either way, I think it’s important to have a chat with our inner child. Implement lines of communication, find out what our child within wants and needs.

I don’t know what your self talk sounds like when it comes to your inner child. My self talk generally revolves around no we can’t do that yet because we have to do something else and the something else is usually not a  fun thing. Berating myself for leaving chaos behind whenever I do have a lot of fun doing something.

It’s so tempting to get all judgmental and authoritarian, maybe because when we were kids our mothers said stuff like:

  • You are way too messy… you better clean that up right now.
  • Don’t be silly… life isn’t a game.
  • Stop being such a baby and grow up.

My idea for a talk with our inner children is more of a Mr. Rogers type chat. Something kind. A cozy little get together where we do a lot of listening, and smiling, maybe even some hugging… Maybe wear a sweater… Possibly there might be tea and cookies! It might even look like this:

During this cozy little chat, let’s find out what our inner child wants and needs in order to be happy.  And then let’s make plans to follow through.

How about it guys? What are your thoughts? What does your inner child want and need in order to be happy? Does your self talk reflect the way your actual mom talked to you when you were an actual child? Maybe that’s something that needs to be changed!

Oh and one more thing!

What if we changed the way we talk to ourselves, rewrote the way we tell ourselves what to do. Maybe something like this?

  • Time for a bath and bed, tomorrow I’ll help you put your toys away.
  • Here, punch this pillow a bunch of times and then we’ll go for a walk.

Lots to think about here!

What About Child Care?

All this talk about going corporate, being our best boss, having board meetings and such… I started to wonder what about child care? All work and no play makes Shirley a dull girl… no… actually that’s not true. All work and no play turns Shirley into a rebellious destructive temper tantrum throwing brat!

What happens to you when you lock your inner child down for too long? How does that look for you? Does that childish, fun loving, freedom seeking, curiously bright little flame inside of you shut down or go into hiding? Are there rebellions and tantrums? Or does that beautiful precious part of you pack up and run away?

So, how about this… let’s commit to doing something childish and silly. It doesn’t HAVE to be today, but let’s at least make a play date with our inner child. Set a date, make a plan, and then actually follow through with it. No excuses, no rain checks…

Here are some ideas:

  • Grab some crayons and color outside the lines.
  • Finger painting is always messy and fun!
  • Blow bubbles and try to catch them.
  • Make a fort under the table and read stories to yourself.
  • Surf kids crafts on YouTube and find something fun to do.
  • Make chocolate chip cookies and eat the dough off of your sticky fingers.
  • Dress up like a princess or a dinosaur… or something fun… and just be silly all day long.
  • Play hide and seek with your dog… or a friend… or an imaginary friend.
  • Have a tea party ~ real or imaginary.

What are your ideas? What did you enjoy playing at when you were a child? What were your favorite games? Did you play outside? Or were you more of an inside and under the covers kind of a kid? What do you think your inner child would most enjoy?

It’s perfectly OK to invite friends to your play date, but only if you make it clear that NO ONE is going to behave like a grown up until after the party is over and it’s time to clean up. Because of course, this is real life, and rooms eventually have to be cleaned, baths have to be taken, and toys have to be put away.

Divide and Conquer

One of the things that I’ve discovered is that, for me at least, dividing impossible stuff into smaller more manageable portions makes it more likely that I can do it. For example. As part of my “best boss ever” protocol, I’m doing a to do list for each week end. This is something I’ve done over the years and never had much success with. I write an ambitious to do list and then I do NOTHING that’s on it.

My new “to do” list is compiled with the entire weekend in mind. That way, I can put stuff off until tomorrow if I want to. I also add in rewarding and fun stuff.  Get groceries (which I really really hate to do) now looks like:

  • Make a grocery list.
  • Go to the grocery store.
  • Buy at least one decadent thing ~ wine maybe.
  • Unload groceries out of the car.
  • Put the groceries away.
  • Drink a glass of wine to take the whine out of that experience.

I also put plenty of stuff on there that I’m sure I will do, for example:

  • Drink 2 cups of coffee.
  • Relax and watch TV.
  • Go to Art Class with Layla. (I do this every Saturday, hell or high water).
  • Feed the dog.

And then there’s fun stuff that lightens my mood and gives me incentives to mark even more stuff off my list. This weekend I have:

  • Listen to music.
  • Howl at the moon.
  • Spend time with my family.

This way, I can start my weekend with stuff that’s fun and easy to mark as completed, and I don’t feel defeated or depressed by my list. Even if you aren’t a “list” person, I find that it really helps to break hard things down into smaller portions.

For me, being overwhelmed is one of the biggest reasons that I don’t get certain things done. What about you? What over whelms you? Can you divide it up into tiny little baby steps?

Use Your Words

Words matter. Self talk matters. Today I want to suggest that we make a simple but radical change in the ways we talk to and/or about ourselves. It’s important to speak your truth, I agree with that. And sometimes the truth about me isn’t very flattering but that doesn’t mean that I have to talk down to myself.

This morning I accidentally knocked over a small container with rice in it. Dry rice, not cooked, and it made a decent size mess. What was the first thing I said? “So Stupid!” And I was absolutely referring to myself.  How could this be tweaked and changed?

I came up with the idea that every time I caught myself saying mean things to Shirley, I could use an add on phrase to take the sting out, while still staying with my truth. So, if I do something stupid, and I hear myself say “So stupid…” I could add one or more of the following:

  • That was stupid … and it’s ok.
  • I’m stupid … but not all the time.
  • So stupid …  and I don’t care because it really doesn’t matter.

Will this work for other negative self talk? Let’s see…

  • My life sucks … but not all the time.
  • I’m an idiot … and it’s ok because I am certainly not alone.
  • I’m a complete mess … and I don’t care because I am also loveable and cute.

So, that works… what else is there to test out? What about “I can’t”… telling yourself that you can’t do something that you want to do can be very deflating and defeating.

  • I can’t go on vacation … right this minute.
  • I can’t fix my toilet  … but that’s ok because I can find someone who can.
  • I can’t get my act together … and I don’t care because I’m loveable and cute and it really doesn’t matter.
  • I can’t get my house in order … right now, and I will try again later when I have more energy… enthusiasm… etc…

So what about your self talk? What does it sound like. Can you come up with more useful phrases to use if you find yourself talk is rude, demeaning, or just plain mean?

Note: I’ve been doing this all day, and it really does make a difference. I feel less defeated and more energetic. Try it! You might like it!

Need A Lift?

This was shared on Facebook, and I thought these great tips for overcoming depression would be really helpful as we work on navigating how to practice Radical Self Care.

  • Shower.

Not a bath, a shower. Use water as hot or cold as you like. You don’t even need to wash. Just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while.

  • Moisturize everything.

Use whatever lotion you like. Unscented? Dollar store lotion? Fancy 48 hour lotion that makes you smell like a field of wildflowers? Use whatever you want, and use it all over your entire dermis.

  • Wear clean, comfortable clothes.

It really makes a difference. Comfortable and clean are the key words here. Doesn’t matter if it’s jeans or pajamas. It can even be a combination of the two.

  • Put on your favorite underwear.

Cute black lacy panties? Those ridiculous boxers you bought last Christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? Put them on.

  • Drink cold water.

Use ice. If you want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost. I always use lemon.

  • Clean something.

Doesn’t have to be anything big. Organize one drawer of a desk. Wash five dirty dishes. Do a load of laundry. Scrub the bathroom sink.

  • Blast music.

Listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. Sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

  • Make Food

Don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. Take the time and make food. Even if it’s ramen. Add something special to it, like a soft boiled egg or some veggies. Prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.

  • Make something.

Write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. Even if you don’t think you’re good at it. Create.

  • Go outside.

Take a walk. Sit in the grass. Look at the clouds. Smell flowers. Put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

  • Call someone.

Call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. Talk to a stranger on the street. Have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. If you can’t bring yourself to call, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. Even if you don’t say much, listen to them. It helps.

  • Cuddle your pets

If you have them (and if you can) cuddle them. Take pictures of them. Talk to them. Tell them how you feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out, anything.

Notes:

  • It may seem small or silly to some, but this list keeps people alive.
  • At your absolute best you won’t be good enough for the wrong people. But at your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right ones. Remember that. Keep holding on.
  • In case nobody has told you today I love you and you are worth your weight and then some in gold, so be kind to yourself and most of all keep pushing on!!!!
  • Find something to be grateful for!

It’s A Meet Up

A fun fact: More than 11 million business meetings take place daily around the world, so learning which words affect the productivity and outcome of those meetings can help companies change the course of their success. Research shows that the words “yeah,” “give,” “start,” “meeting” and “discuss” have a bigger impact than other words. Furthermore, those words often result in proposals being accepted more often than others.

So what’s that got to do with anything? I thought it might be helpful to discuss the idea of having a meeting with yourself. Maybe take some time to look at your collection of “wants and needs” and give yourself an opportunity to think about how to start actually doing something practical and radically real.  Yeah us!

So lets call a Board Meeting… or maybe a Bored Meeting? I don’t know. Maybe in your world it would be Tribal Council, a Meeting of the Minds, a Parley, a Huddle, a Town Hall? Possibly even a Get Together for the purpose of Getting It Together.

What’s on the agenda in this meeting? Let’s check in with ourselves and take a look at our wants and needs. Remember how we started? The story about a teacher who had students leave notes about their needs in a box? Now, I don’t know if you have a mental list of notes, or a box with notes in them. Maybe you have a list of notes in a journal. Doesn’t matter how you keep track, what does matter is that today we’re going to schedule a specific time to sit down with that list, pick just one thing, plan some affirmative action, and then take steps to actually follow through on those plans..

I think I’m going to call for a Parley. How about you? What are you going to call your meeting and when are you planning to schedule it?

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Our current project began on July 4. We are exploring the concept and practice of Radical Self Care . Feel free to join in at any time!

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