Love
Something Kind
What is the kindest thing… the sweetest, most comforting, loving, thing you can do or say to yourself? Not coming up with anything?
Remember the love language quiz we explored? What’s your love language and how can you use it on yourself? Better yet, just go down the list and do each one!
- Use your words… say something really loving and kind to yourself.
- Take some time… spend a little time with you, doing what you love to do.
- Give and Receive… give yourself a present, something nice that you would really like.
- Good Deeds... do something nice just for yourself, just for you.
- Physical Touch… give yourself a hug, an actual pat on the back.
- Be There… make a pact to always be there for you.
- Radical Acceptance… radically accept that you are who you are and that’s ok.
Well? What are you waiting for? This is going to be fun!
The Language of Love
So, today’s post was about being a good friend to yourself which reminded me about the love languages… and I thought I’d share that here today too… with the idea in mind that maybe we could use our own love language to be better friends to ourselves…
I posted this on my blogger blog years ago, here it is:
There is a book about love, and the different ways we express it and accept it. It’s called The 5 Love Languages. I read it several years ago, and found it interesting and helpful. Here’s a quickie synopsis of the five languages.
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
Not sure what yours is? You can take this quickie quiz. Interesting, huh? The first time I read this book, it was pretty clear that I’m one of those Quality Time sort of people, and I thought I had it all figured out.
Recently, however, a friend of mine also read the book, and we got into a great discussion about it. And as a result, I’m not so sure that Gary Chapman got it exactly right. I think he’s missing a few key components to the whole “I know you love me because…” thing.
For example, what about these?
I Can Count On You
This is the language of you’re the soft place I land on when things go awry. I can count on you to back me when the chips are down. You will tell me the truth as you see it. You will listen to me rail about life and tell me to shut up when it’s time to stop. And when things are going good – you’re right there to enjoy them with me. When I reach for you – I always find you there.
You Know Me
This language is all about knowing who I really am. You don’t just see the outer me. You see past all my bullshit and into the deeper me. If you give me a gift, it’s something I would actually like. It resonates. If you hug me or touch me – it’s a comfort. If you say to me that you appreciate me – or need me – you say it because it’s true not because it’s what I want to hear. If you do something practical for me – it never leaves me feeling less than or beholden.
We Can Be Real With Each Other
This language is all about no barriers. I can say what I think, I can be totally and completely honestly me – faults, flaws, and all. I can be vulnerable and raw with you. And you with me. We trust each other because we don’t hide what we think, we don’t hide from what we don’t want to see, we just simply are who we are. Unflinching. I don’t scare you. And you don’t scare me.
And better yet, what about this one:
You know me, the real me, the raw me, the totally messed up me – and not only do you not run away screaming, you actually stick around because you want to. This one is pretty much self explanatory.
And I think it’s the one love language that we all respond to. Unconditional acceptance. I don’t think it even matters – gifts, words, actions, time, affection… it’s all nothing if you can’t accept me in the raw… me in the real… me at my core…
What if I could be that for everyone I know… what if you could?
Reposted also on Hey It’s Me
Simple Thing #3
I love the idea of Simple Thing #3, which is infusing creativity and productivity into my coffee and/or tea … and I have tried doing it. But what happens to me is that I either forget until after the I have finished drinking it, or I remember when I am stirring it, and then my mind immediately goes to the phrase “stirring up some trouble” or even “double trouble boil and bubble” which I absolutely do NOT want.
So, I’ve been rummaging around in my brain trying to come up with viable solutions, and so far I have come up with these two:
- I look into my cup of and I say, “Thank the Gods! Now everything is going to be OK.” And when I say it, I actually mean it. Very easy for me because this is basically what I do anyway.
- In the evening when I drink tea, I usually heat up the water in the microwave, and when I do, I began a practice of imagining that the water in my cup is being thoroughly and completely infused with love and light.
That second one is a little harder to remember, so I wrote myself a note and put it on the door of the microwave. Now, whenever I nuke my food, I envision Love and Light infusing it. So that’s been fun, and it might even be good for me.
What about you? Have you been finding it easy to infuse your coffee and/or tea with creativity and productivity? Is it hard to remember? Do you have any ideas or insights? I’d love to hear what you have to say.
I Love The Sun
I love the sun when it appears,
since it reminds me of the appearance of matchless love
And no star is seen when she comes forth,
either from above or from below
And so, O Maya,
you have appeared in the eye of my heart,
and everything other than you has disappeared
So I see you in whatever is not you,
and I don’t see other than you whenever I see you.
~Shaykh Manna Abba “Shaykhānī” wuld Muḥammad al-Ṭulbā
Focus On What You Love
So, if our premise is true, that what you focus on grows, that where attention goes, energy flows, it would seem to me that a focus on what you love is a good place for us to start.
We all have people, places, and things in our lives that we love. I don’t think we would be able to survive life on earth if we didn’t have at least one or two things in our lives that we deeply, dearly, and truly love. And it sounds pretty easy to make a plan to focus on who or whatever that might be.
However…
To simply say “focus on what you love” is all fine and good. The actual doing of it in the midst of real world drama is a whole other thing. For example. When I’m at work, at the tail end of a long hard day full of dog hair and barking dogs, and I’m cleaning up dog vomit… well… it’s hard to focus on anything other than how tired I am and how much I just want the day to be over and done.
So, what’s the solution?
The key to it, I think, is to somehow find something in the situation… whatever situation you happen to find yourself in that’s less than optimal… something in it that you do honestly love. In my case, I might be able to simply focus on how much I love my daughter (we work together), or maybe I might focus on how much I love to have enough money to go on an Amazon spending spree. I might focus on how much I love having good cleaning products… or that I love that I’ll be going home in just a few hours…
Making A Plan
I think it’s very important to be prepared in advance so that when you find yourself in the midst of an experience that punches your buttons, that is NOT what you want, or that makes you feel “less than” happy, you will have something to cling to. This may take some experimentation, some trial and error.
Homework
Our homework for today is to think about what you love. Once that is complete, take some time to make a plan for what you will think about when you need to refocus your thoughts in a situation that you definitely do NOT love.
My Heart Is God’s Heart
I AM the mighty electronic energy
Flowing through, filling and renewing
Every cell of my mind and body, right now.
I AM the cleansing process
Always active in my heart and mind and body,
Consuming all imperfection and revealing the purity I AM.
My breath is the great love breath
From out the Great Central Sun.
My heart is God’s heart, the very center of divine love,
And its light fills me now!
From: I AM Adorations and Affirmations
Removing Hazards to Relationships
Today we are removing hazardous elements from the Relationships and Love area of our homes:
Get rid of pictures of ex-lovers, icebergs, anything depressing or violent. Also cactus, Venus flytraps, stinkweed, and weapons will not enhance this area and must go!
The air conditioner and refrigerator, if located here, will chill out your love life instead of heating it up, so you will want to make certain to use enhancements and cures in this area.
Get rid of “singles” items – bring in a guest pillow, get rid of pictures of you all alone. Don’t bring games into this area – you don’t want game-playing in your relationship.
This area is not for storage, unless you want a relationship with a lot of baggage.
If the television is here, it may be a distraction that comes between you and your partner. If your ex’s stuff is still here, it will keep you hanging on to the past.
If you must keep these items here, drape them in a fabric that will enhance this area, such as pink or red.
From Move Your Stuff, Change Your Life
by Karen Rauch Carter
Note:
If you are unsure of where the relationship and love area is, see these posts:
Spread The Love
There is nothing worse than being a “fifth wheel” at a party or get together – so look for items that you have too many of, or that don’t quite fit in. Things you like but never use. That Christmas gift that didn’t quite hit the mark, those cute little doodads that well meaning friends gave you for Christmas, or birthday.
And what about the “extras”? Do you keep an extra this or an extra that just in case? Isn’t that a little bit like keeping your little black book of phone numbers just in case your current relationship doesn’t work out?
Maybe you have a nice little collection of elephants, or dogs, or salt and pepper shakers and you haven’t added to it in years. Isn’t it time to let that collection go to someone who might really enjoy it?
Don’t take too much time with this, just do a quick survey and grab those items up.
Relationships are about giving as well as receiving, so while you are at it, get out that extra roll of wrapping paper, some scotch tape, and a ribbon or two if you have one. Lovingly wrap each item up as a gift. Think of someone who just might like it, and give it to them.
Alternatively, you could box the items up and take them to a battered woman’s shelter.
Remember, we aren’t talking about “junk” items now. We are talking about the “nice” things you have but don’t really love, the useful things you own but don’t ever use, the “pretty” little decorative items that don’t really fit your decor. They deserve something better. And so do you.
Colorize your Love Life
Walk over to your Relationships corner. How does it feel? Focus your energy on this very special corner, carefully decorate it, and think loving thoughts. Then loving things will happen naturally in your life.
Don’t overdo it though – too many lovers and too much love, too many emotions, can bring on a whole new set of problems. So go slowly and carefully here.
Pink is a great color here. Pink feels like love.
Anything red works here too. Red energizes and adds excitement to this area. Red hearts, a jar of maraschino cherries, a can of tomato soup, a red silk scarf, a red notebook, and red-hot chili peppers will work.
You can use red or pink construction paper, string, or ribbons and hide them out of sight. Tape them under furniture or under shelves. Line drawers with red or pink shelf paper. You don’t need to go overboard and paint a whole room red. Red or pink pillows, slippers, lacy undergarments work great in this area.
From Move Your Stuff, Change Your Life
by Karen Rauch Carter
Note:
If you are unsure of where the love and relationship area is, see these posts:
Symbols of love
Feng Shui activity for today:
Add a symbol
Mirrors work great here to keep the love energy moving, and they draw in light and energy. Round mirrors work great. Candles generate heat and energy – they can heat up your love life! Fresh flowers that you find beautiful and fragrant are perfect for this area – even mistletoe. Sensual music can be played here.
Any symbols that mean LOVE to you – a bottle of champagne and two glasses; Barbie and Ken in formal bridal wear; animal-print material; a bowl of Hershey’s kisses; two of anything – statues, lovebirds, pillows, lights.
From Move Your Stuff, Change Your Life
by Karen Rauch Carter
Note:
If you are unsure of where the love and relationship area is, see these posts:
- Radical Self Care Project Overview by shirleytwofeathers - No Comment
- Radical Self Care Image Gallery by shirleytwofeathers - No Comment
- It’s A Wrap by shirleytwofeathers - 3 Comments
- Something To Consider by shirleytwofeathers - 1 Comment
- Nurturing Your Precious Self by shirleytwofeathers - 3 Comments
- me: Make Your Own Violet Fire
- Abdulrahman: Money Chant – Very Fast
- Shirley Twofeathers: It’s A Wrap
- Daniel Knirs: It’s A Wrap
- Shirley Twofeathers: It’s A Wrap