Overcoming Obstacles

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The Art of War

While researching for this project I stumbled into The Art of War by Sun Tsu. What an interesting little book. Over the years, there have been a lot of books and internet articles applying his ideas to modern life. What I loved  was the simplicity of his actual writings. Here’s a great quote that I thought might be useful for this project:

Know the enemy, know yourself,
And victory is never in doubt,
Not in a hundred battles.

He who knows self but not the enemy
Will suffer one defeat for every victory.

He who knows neither self nor enemy
Will fail in every battle.

So what is the enemy in your battle for Self Care? What or who opposes you? Very important to really understand what we are up against, I think. Equally important to know our own strengths and weaknesses, our limitations, our resources, and to understand the ground upon which we stand.

Your Inner Warrior

From Buddha Groove, we have this nice little article about how to summon your inner warrior. I am in love with this idea. Let’s do it!

Your soul has many archetypes in its soul DNA, and some may present stronger than others. Perhaps people have always called you a “free spirit,” or your healer or teacher archetype has actually become your full-time job. While you might be born naturally very strong in a certain archetype, others can be called in and cultivated.

If you’re having trouble asserting yourself in life or currently facing an intimidating challenge, you might want to get to know your inner warrior—it is one of your greatest allies. Here are 5 simple yet powerful steps for doing just that:

Create a mental image of your inner warrior.

What comes to mind when you think of the word warrior? Maybe a Native American warrior riding bareback into battle hundreds of years ago to defend his land, or an ancient Viking shield maiden landing on the beaches of a foreign country. Or it might be the image of an ER nurse in the middle of an all-night shift, or an activist peacefully marching to fight for their beliefs.

  • If a character from a movie or book calls to the warrior in you, cut out a picture of that character from the web or save the book jacket and put it up on your fridge, vision board or desk for inspiration.
Decide how you’d describe your inner warrior.

Perhaps words like fearless and invincible come to mind. Yet maybe the best words to describe warrior energy are resilient, courageous and proactive. Resilient is a perfect description for a cancer patient summoning warrior energy to make it through their healing journey. Courageous describes a parent summoning warrior energy to remove their children from an abusive environment. Proactive might describe a manager initiating a tough conversation with a colleague before the situation gets out of hand.

  • Challenge yourself to find five adjectives that describe what warrior energy means to you.
Give your inner warrior a theme song.

Maybe your inner warrior likes a fight song, like something with a driving beat and empowering lyrics. Or perhaps your inner warrior responds best to something softer that relaxes your nervous system and makes you feel grounded for the battle ahead. When you put this song on, or even catch this song via a synchronicity when it plays in a store or on the radio, it can be a signal to more consciously connect with your inner warrior.

  • Make a warrior playlist of 10 songs that help you activate warrior energy.
Get clear on what type of warrior you are.

Maybe your inner warrior has a special flavor, like ice cream can be chocolate or pistachio. Are you an action hero warrior that likes to rush in and stay busy? Maybe you’re a love warrior, meeting every challenge or opponent with mercy. Peace warriors might be excellent diplomats or negotiators. Rebel warriors question the status quo. Activist warriors are idealists who see the amazing potential to improve life and fight for that potential to become reality.

  • Name your warrior type, feeling free to mix and match from the examples above or create your own type.
Practice asking yourself: What would my inner warrior do?

Before facing any challenging or stressful situation that will require inner strength and resolve, take a moment and ask yourself, “What would my inner warrior do?” How would your inner warrior, as defined by the exercises above, handle disciplining your child, tackling a tight deadline at work or facing a financial crisis?

  • Stop, quiet your mind for a minute and connect with your intuition for specific guidance on what your inner warrior would do.

Slaying Your Demons

What I’m talking about here are our inner demons, soul sucking situations, and the self defeating circumstances we have boxed ourselves into. And let’s also include the people in our lives that are the enemies of our self esteem and peace of mind.

The Arabic saying is….”Should you sit in your doorway long enough… you will see the bodies of all your enemies carried past you….”

So, what do these quotes actually really mean? I don’t know. But I, for one, am tired of waiting. What about you? Are you tired of waiting? Let’s get proactive!  Today let’s actually do something! Let’s do some inner and outer head hunting.

Let’s kick some ass and take some names… which means having multiple victories over a number of opponents in quick succession, with a pace showing that this feat is not over yet. “kicking ass” means completely conquering an opponent, usually to a humiliating level, basically “kicking their ass”.

On the other hand, “taking names” refers to marking a number of individuals which have not been beaten yet, to be beaten later. It derives from the mafia, as taking names of future victims helps in finding more information and keeping track of them.

With that in mind… let’s do some name taking first. Who are your inner demons? What are your soul sucking situations? And lets add in the names of the people in our lives that definitely need to back off or go away. Here are some of mine:

  • Dread
  • Resistance
  • Procrastination
  • Avoidance
  • I Should (as opposed to I could)
  • Anxiety
  • Paralysis
  • Negative Self Talk
  • Self Defeating Behavior

Here’s an example…

When I have to do something that seems hard and not fun on any level, I PROCRASTINATE the doing of it, and spend a large amount of time catering to DREAD and RESISTANCE, and having ANXIETY because I am AVOIDING what I SHOULD be doing, which inevitably leads me into a state of PARALYSIS during which I sit and stare at my phone or the television and BERATE myself for doing nothing, all the while, dreading, resisting, and procrastinating whatever it is that I think I should be doing that I’m not doing.

However:

I will say that I also get a huge payoff from that behavior because after a certain amount of sitting and doing nothing, I can usually distract myself with an art project or my website. My best art usually happens when I’m busily  avoiding and resisting practical life stuff.

My website, including this project, is a direct result of me resisting and procrastinating stuff that wasn’t getting done 5 years ago, and still isn’t getting done today.

I think this will clearly require some more thought. I absolutely do not want to sacrifice my creative projects on the altar of practical day to day chores and bullshit. There has to be a way to preserve my pay off while actively working towards a better quality of life. What about you? What’s your pay off?

So… Kicking Ass…

Today I’m going to tackle at least one of my demons. I’m going to hit the procrastination demon head on and stop putting off my household chores and exercise plan. Right now. I’m going to just do that stuff. All the stuff on my to do list that I’m wanting to put off till later (or never) are going to get done today. Hell or high water. I’m going to rush through it… do a blitz attack.. and then sink back into something creative and interesting.

In my mind, it looks like this:

The reality will probably be more like this:

What about you? What are your demons? Where is your pay off? Is there just one thing you can have a “come to Jesus” moment with today? What is it? And what are you waiting for?

Just Do It!

Remember, we don’t have to win the war today, but we can at least win a battle and maybe even gain a tactical advantage!

In The Swamp?

“When you’re up to your neck in alligators,
it’s hard to remember that your initial objective was to drain the swamp!”

What a great quote!

There is a point in each project where we almost always begin to feel stuck. I’m not sure why, but somewhere between 2 and 3 weeks, there’s a point where momentum seems to be lost, and discouragement sets in… or interest wanes and other more intriguing stuff pops up.

If you are doing well, and making progress that’s great! If you are feeling stuck or at a standstill, I found several posts right here on the project that might be useful. These are from the Laying the Groundwork project. Definitely worth checking out!

Sometimes we just have to grit our teeth, put our grown up pants on, and push through. Sometimes we need a change of strategy, a rethink of priorities, or just a new idea.

My Hero

Here’s a great suggestion for dealing with or resolving problems and situations that feel impossible and overwhelming.

  • Pretend to be your hero.

When you’re faced with a challenging situation, an intimidating project, a new career leap, an important meeting, think about a hero. Someone you have a lot of respect for, someone with experience in dealing with similar situations and problems. Then ask yourself what this person would do in your situation. How would they handle it?

Now imagine yourself doing exactly what you think your hero would do. This helps to clarify what the right actions are for you by removing the self-doubt and negative self-talk that can bog you down in uncertainty.

Don’t have a particular person in mind? Can’t come up with a hero that you would or could emulate? No problem. Play the “If I was” game.

It goes like this… “If I was the most … the best … the legendary …”  Imagine what that might look like for you. Enjoy a moment of your epic greatness, then ask yourself, “So, now what could I do and how could I go about doing it?” And then (this is important) actually do that thing!

I did this a lot back in the day when I was a full time dog trainer. Sometimes I’d have an impossible dog but since I’m particularly stubborn, I wouldn’t give up… I’d maybe take a day or two off to think, and if all else failed I’d do the “fake it till you make it” ploy. It went like this:

If I was the best dog trainer in the world, the all time most famous and most knowledgeable trainer of dogs… legendary in the dog training world… what would I do? And then I would go forth “as if” and it always got me through.

So let’s just do it… the hardest most challenging aspect of self care… that one thing that we’ve been avoiding or dreading… channel your inner hero or your most respected expert in the field… and then JUST DO IT!

Maybe you need to tackle the whole shebang… maybe you just need to start the journey by heading out the door. Either way is fine. Consult your heroic self and just get started! Now is the time. Today is the day!

You got this!!

Let’s Get Simple

I don’t know about you guys, but my “I need help” notes are looking more and more like a “to do” list and less and less like a “be kind to Shirley” project. I’m feeling overwhelmed by the impossibility of dealing with them. I definitely didn’t want to set us up for failure and yet that’s how it is starting to feel to me. So I came up with an idea…

Remember our fun little post about Using Your Words? I decided to apply it to the “needs” collection of notes that I compiled at the beginning of our project (Let’s Get Radical). Here’s how it went ~ these are my actual notes:

  • My bathroom faucets are almost totally clogged up but I don’t have to do anything about it today.
  • There is not enough music in my life and I can do something about that right now if I want to.
  • There is a giant tree branch in my yard and I don’t care.
  • My car is rusting where paint has peeled off and that’s ok because it has 300,000+ miles on it and I can always buy some spray paint and cover it up if I want to.
  • The yard is way over gown and I don’t care.
  • The Magick room is cluttered and messy but not all the time, and I’ll clean it up when I’m ready.
  • My daily meditation practice is non-existent and that’s OK.
  • My Kwan Yin outdoor garden area is overgrown and neglected but that’s OK because it has a water moccasin guarding it and I’m not going to mess with him, not today anyway.

There were way a lot more, but you get the idea. I pulled all of my notes out and wrote a good answer on the ones I’m going to release into the wild and ripped them up. I put some of the others on an actual “to do” list.  It felt really good. Like I have forgiven myself for the chaos around here, and liberated Shirley from the YOU SHOULD’s that have been dogging her for months.

I did, however keep two needs in my container. These are the two that I am actually going to make myself deal with. I chose them because it will be a huge sigh of relief to get them taken care of, and getting them taken care of will definitely make my life better. Here they are:

  • My toilet doesn’t flush properly.
  • Siding is falling off my house because wood is rotting behind it.

Obviously, for me, Radical Self Care revolves around maintaining my environment. This makes it simple because there are actual practical solutions. I actually can fix my toilet or buy a new one. And while I can’t do much about my wood rot (long story), it won’t be impossible to do a quick fix Band-Aid repair that will last through winter.

This little exercise really was helpful for me. I discovered what it was that I really want to do something about and liberated me from all the busy work that I am not interested in doing. It lightened my load, and gave me a boost of enthusiasm for the two things I’ve been dreading and avoiding for months.

So, what about you? Can you simplify your wants and needs for self care? Are there just one or two things that would make all the difference? Do you WANT to address them?

If so… call a committee meeting with yourself, make a plan of action, divide it into small easy bites, schedule a date a place and a time … and just dig in. Remember an epic journey begins with one small step followed by another, followed by more small steps with maybe a random number of mad dashes and desperate scrambles.

 

If Only!

I saw an ad for a game on Facebook and my first thought was…”if only it was this easy to take care of ourselves!”

Which brings me to what I want to explore today:

  • Why isn’t it easy?
  • What is the hardest part of self care?
  • Is there something really simple that would make it easier?
  • What if self care ACTUALLY IS easy, and we just THINK it’s hard?
  • Do I overthink it?
  • Maybe if instead of thinking about being considerate of me, I just did it?

I realize that it’s just a video game, but if I had a dollar for every time I wished I could just…  OH WAIT! I just watched it to the end… it’s all about choices, isn’t it?

 

Here it is in action. I really really wish it was this easy in real life!!

Note: If you saw this before, you’ll notice that I had to move the video because it covered up part of the text when I looked at it on my phone.

So now, I’m wondering…

  • How many times did I choose dynamite instead of matches when it came to making decisions for myself?
  • What about you? In your personal life do you choose the “cozy rocker” or the hard wooden chair?

And isn’t this what life is all about really? Making choices and then dealing with the consequences?

Divide and Conquer

One of the things that I’ve discovered is that, for me at least, dividing impossible stuff into smaller more manageable portions makes it more likely that I can do it. For example. As part of my “best boss ever” protocol, I’m doing a to do list for each week end. This is something I’ve done over the years and never had much success with. I write an ambitious to do list and then I do NOTHING that’s on it.

My new “to do” list is compiled with the entire weekend in mind. That way, I can put stuff off until tomorrow if I want to. I also add in rewarding and fun stuff.  Get groceries (which I really really hate to do) now looks like:

  • Make a grocery list.
  • Go to the grocery store.
  • Buy at least one decadent thing ~ wine maybe.
  • Unload groceries out of the car.
  • Put the groceries away.
  • Drink a glass of wine to take the whine out of that experience.

I also put plenty of stuff on there that I’m sure I will do, for example:

  • Drink 2 cups of coffee.
  • Relax and watch TV.
  • Go to Art Class with Layla. (I do this every Saturday, hell or high water).
  • Feed the dog.

And then there’s fun stuff that lightens my mood and gives me incentives to mark even more stuff off my list. This weekend I have:

  • Listen to music.
  • Howl at the moon.
  • Spend time with my family.

This way, I can start my weekend with stuff that’s fun and easy to mark as completed, and I don’t feel defeated or depressed by my list. Even if you aren’t a “list” person, I find that it really helps to break hard things down into smaller portions.

For me, being overwhelmed is one of the biggest reasons that I don’t get certain things done. What about you? What over whelms you? Can you divide it up into tiny little baby steps?

One and Done

I’m still mulling over what we said yesterday about boundaries. I’ve been thinking about what mine are, what I want them to be, where I could do a little tweaking, stuff like that. But I don’t really have anything definitive yet. I do however have a success story!!

I know the lawnmower is around here somewhere.

So one of the things on my “Radical Self Care ~ Stuff I Need” list is this:

  • I haven’t mowed at all yet and it’s JULY!

This is a true story! June is over and I still haven’t mowed even one time! I have a push mower, I have a riding lawn mower… but nothing gets mowed.  I hate mowing. I really really hate mowing. A riding lawn mower should make things easy but I really hate getting on it. The whole thing makes me tired just to think about it. The grass is more than thigh high … it’s just stupid to never mow!

But here’s the thing! The mowing situation was the first thing that came to my mind when I was contemplating this project, and an “I Need” box… wondering how it would work. So, I thought about it. And I had two thoughts:

  • What if I paid someone to mow?

Which of course is impossible since I live out in the middle of no where and no one in their right mind would want to touch it unless they had a brush hog… Plus the poison ivy is taking over… and most people are allergic… bla bla bla… (That was me talking myself out of hiring someone.)

  • What if that someone was me?

I could hire myself!! I decided that if I was paid like… $100 to mow, I’d probably do it. So. I scrounged up 5 twenty dollar bills and handed them to my daughter and said. I want you to pay me to mow my grass. She burst out laughing… but agreed to buy me something cool and interesting with the money and I could have that cool and interesting thing when I demonstrated proof of the mowed grass.

At this point, my granddaughter walked by. She said “I’ll do it.” I said. “OK!” I handed her the money. She said “No I don’t want your money.” I said “But you have to take it or you can’t mow my grass.” And tomorrow my grass is getting mowed.

Now It’s Your Turn

Who can you hire to help you with stuff? What if you hired yourself? How would that look? Would it work for you? Is there anything that would really help you out that you could hire someone to do for you, or ask someone to do with you?

What If You Don’t Feel A Connection?

Have you ever turned the house upside down looking for something that was right in front of you? You go through every drawer in your closet hunting desperately for your watch only to look down after 15 minutes of frantic scrambling and see that you have been wearing it the whole time. Similarly, you might have searched everywhere for your keys which you did not notice were the only thing on the table by the door.

This same phenomenon can occur with angels. You might be desperately searching for some angelic assistance, but you have completely ignored the signs and suggestions that the angels in your life have left you.

If you’re expecting a talking hologram to appear and talk to you for an extended amount of time, it’s not going to happen. Especially at first, the contact may be brief and more of a feeling than visual or audio.

If you cannot seem to find an answer or any help, pause and look around you to see what answers might be sitting right in front of you. Pray for clear sight so that you can see what signs the angels have left you, and if that fails, ask your angels to be overwhelmingly obvious. Sometimes, you need a neon sign instead of the subtleties that angels tend to use.

It can take days, weeks even months to receive an answer you fully understand. And sometimes, the answer comes through an event or moment of sudden insight. It may come to you unexpectedly during a casual phone call from a friend, something you read in a book, newspaper or magazine, from a conversation between strangers you inadvertently overheard. The main thing is to be aware and open.

Sometimes your angels appear to have abandoned you because they are waiting for you to try and solve the problem yourself. This is not something that anyone enjoys, but even angels practice tough love on those occasions that you really need a kick in the pants.

Do not think that this means the angels have abandoned you to flounder helplessly. Even when your angels are making you solve something yourself, you are not alone. They are there with you and will help you if you truly need it. They will not, however, complete the task for you. If you feel like you are sinking, know that the angels will keep your head above water. They will not let you drown, but you are responsible for swimming to shore.

If you can tell that your angels are present and listening but they seem to be holding back on open assistance, it might be a sign that this is a problem you need to face down yourself.

Patience will allow you to persevere, even if you do not get results right away. Patience will help you build faith in your Angels, trusting that at the right time they will come through. Faith endears you to your unseen supporters, as well as creating the space for miracles, which is where they gather and thrive.

Miracles do not have to be earth shattering. Miracles can be tiny happenings in your daily life that make you feel good or that make you laugh or even cry from happiness.

Also, be on the look out for a tendency to discount the ordinary things that might happen to be helpful to you. Angels often work in ordinary ways and through ordinary people and events.

Source: Belief.net
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Our current project began on July 4. We are exploring the concept and practice of Radical Self Care . Feel free to join in at any time!

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