Messy and Imperfect

Our next project is due to begin in less than a week, and I’m still not sure what I’m going to call it or how exactly I’m planning to organize it. So it’s already a mess, and right here, right now, I’m thinking I might call it:

Life Is Messy, Imperfect And Probably A Fail But Time Is Running Out So Just Carry On And Do What Seems Best In The Moment

Actually, I think that’s pretty much the the basic premise behind this project. My idea for this project sprang from a piece of an interview Oliver Burkeman. I only heard part of the interview, but it made a huge impression on me.

What he basically said was that life is really really short. Ok, I already knew that. He went on to say that we might as well start by admitting defeat.

Here’s what I came away with:

• Failure is an inevitable part of being human and that a person could choose what to fail at.
• You can settle for less, it’s just a matter of choosing what this might be.

It was like a load I was carrying was suddenly released! Yes! I can fail at keeping my house clean and clutter free. I can absolutely settle for and even expect to have a sink full of dishes and clutter in the dining room. My website doesn’t have to have a gazillion readers nor does it have to be “finished!”  And actually, the website will always be a work in progress, and now that’s ok.

The things I’ve been carrying around and beating myself up for found a nice little spot in my “It’s fine if I fail here” basket. And as soon as I did that, I began to discover what it was that was really important to me, those things that I am not and will never be willing to fail at.

One of the things I discovered was that being there for my family was really important to me. No matter what, I will always be there for them. I might fail at fixing their problems, I might fail at understanding them. I might not know what to say or do, but I will not fail at being there for them.

I can settle for having a dozens of art projects in various stages of disarray and incompleteness. If I don’t finish every picture, painting, or mosaic… that’s fine. My art is a work in progress that will never be completely done. This means that I can throw my whole self into whatever has my creative juices flowing without beating myself up for not finishing this that or the other.

When I was in middle school, my one goal in life was to know every thing there is to know about everything there is. Eventually this turned into wanting to know everything there is to know about dogs, reiki, herbs, magick, art, life, motherhood, the Gods… and yes… ridiculously impossible. I’m letting that one go too. Instead I’m going to settle for learning as much as I can learn about whatever it is that I am interested in right now in this moment.

He also made a point that the future we imagine when we’ve become our most self-actualized, accomplished selves, with inboxes empty and goals achieved, is a fun-house mirror that keeps us separate from our real lives.

His book is called 4000 Weeks because if you live to be 80 years old, that’s how many weeks you have. I did the math… and even if I had 4000 more weeks, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to complete the 1001 things on the “to do, to know, and to be” lists that I continually beat myself up with.

And as for this project? In the past, I’ve had to struggle with delusions of grandeur and expectations of brilliant success and the idea that dozens, if not hundreds of people will somehow find out about it and then join in. Today, I’m absolutely sure I will fail at going viral and that’s fine with me. My website probably couldn’t handle that much traffic anyway. I’m happy to settle for simply getting this project up and running.

So how will the project work?

My plan is that we will begin on January 1st. I haven’t read the book yet so I thought I’d pick pieces and parts from what I’ve found and collected so far and share my own thoughts and ideas about them. Also, I’m thinking I will look around for bits and pieces from different sources so that we aren’t exploring just one opinion.

One of those pieces is Wabi-sabi, the Japanese art of imperfection, which goes along with the idea of becoming an imperfectionist and giving up on my goal of achieving perfection in everything I do. This was another thing Oliver Burkeman mentioned in the interview.

I’m totally in love with Imperfectionism, especially when it comes to art, and I do have an art project idea that I’m going to throw into the mix at some point. That doesn’t mean I won’t try to make everything perfect, it just means that I won’t beat myself up when I inevitably fail.

What else? Oh! If you happen to be reading this and think you might want to join in, YAY! We can do it together. If you just want to dip in every now and then and watch the chaos unfold… that’s fun too!

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Feel free to comment. I love it when people leave a comment on something I’ve written. And also, know that you can join in at any time, you don’t have to worry if you aren’t up for the whole 30 days… hit and miss is perfectly fine, and actually it’s how most of us have worked these projects over the years.

The painting, by the way, is by Alex Levin.