Something Kind
What is the kindest thing… the sweetest, most comforting, loving, thing you can do or say to yourself? Not coming up with anything?
Remember the love language quiz we explored? What’s your love language and how can you use it on yourself? Better yet, just go down the list and do each one!
- Use your words… say something really loving and kind to yourself.
- Take some time… spend a little time with you, doing what you love to do.
- Give and Receive… give yourself a present, something nice that you would really like.
- Good Deeds... do something nice just for yourself, just for you.
- Physical Touch… give yourself a hug, an actual pat on the back.
- Be There… make a pact to always be there for you.
- Radical Acceptance… radically accept that you are who you are and that’s ok.
Well? What are you waiting for? This is going to be fun!
One Big Thing
Ok guys! One big thing! What’s your one big thing that would absolutely make your life better. What’s one big step you could take to Radically take care of you? Not all the things… just one thing. One big thing!
My big thing is my toilet problem… it may sound trivial, but my toilet hasn’t flushed properly for like… I don’t know… 2 years? A really long time of procrastinating and dreading having to deal with it Definitely an energy drain due to all the resistance. Plus, I think it’s a big red flag signaling loud and clear that I am not taking very good care of me.
This is the week, today is the day, now is the time! I’m going to deal with it. What about you? What are you going to deal with? Are you going to summon your inner warrior? Call upon your inner dad? Maybe call a committee meeting? Be your own best boss? Are you going to divide it up into easy steps? Or go for the gold?
I’ve got a plan based on The Art of War. It goes like this:
My biggest “enemy” right now, in this moment is my toilet that doesn’t want to flush properly. My weakness and limitation is that I don’t want to hire a plumber to come to my house and fix it because I’m feeling reclusive and weird.
On the positive side, I’m pretty sure I understand myself, my limitations, and my weaknesses.
My resources are that I have enough money to buy parts, or even a new toilet if necessary. I also have a person who has volunteered to come over and help. And I have access to google and YouTube for DIY and How-To informational articles and videos.
What’s next? A good strategy, obviously! Because:
The Skillful Strategist
Defeats the enemy without doing battle.
Captures the city without laying siege.
Overthrows the enemy state without protracted war.
There are five essentials for victory:
Know when to fight and when not to fight;
Understand how to deploy large and small numbers;
Have officers and men who share a single will;
Be ready for the unexpected;
Have a capable General unhampered by his sovereign.
OK so! I need a good plan. A clear vision of what I’m up against… meaning I’ll need to “spy” on toilet experts posting on YouTube, and I’ll need to have a good understanding of the basics of toilet installation and maintenance.
My helper and I will need to be in agreement about what we are doing, and we will need adequate supplies, an internet connection in case we need to do a quick google search, and a real plumber on speed dial. Also, we’ll need to have great timing.
Definitely need to call a meeting. Schedule an intervention of sorts. My inner boss, who is the Best Boss Ever, can make sure we have all of our ducks in a row, and my Inner Dad can take the dog for a walk (LOL). I’ll channel my hero, the best most famous plumber I can imagine, and schedule my inner warrior to show up and help us power through. Our success is assured!
Now it’s your turn! JUST DO IT!
The Art of War
While researching for this project I stumbled into The Art of War by Sun Tsu. What an interesting little book. Over the years, there have been a lot of books and internet articles applying his ideas to modern life. What I loved was the simplicity of his actual writings. Here’s a great quote that I thought might be useful for this project:
Know the enemy, know yourself,
And victory is never in doubt,
Not in a hundred battles.
He who knows self but not the enemy
Will suffer one defeat for every victory.
He who knows neither self nor enemy
Will fail in every battle.
So what is the enemy in your battle for Self Care? What or who opposes you? Very important to really understand what we are up against, I think. Equally important to know our own strengths and weaknesses, our limitations, our resources, and to understand the ground upon which we stand.
Your Inner Warrior
From Buddha Groove, we have this nice little article about how to summon your inner warrior. I am in love with this idea. Let’s do it!
Your soul has many archetypes in its soul DNA, and some may present stronger than others. Perhaps people have always called you a “free spirit,” or your healer or teacher archetype has actually become your full-time job. While you might be born naturally very strong in a certain archetype, others can be called in and cultivated.
If you’re having trouble asserting yourself in life or currently facing an intimidating challenge, you might want to get to know your inner warrior—it is one of your greatest allies. Here are 5 simple yet powerful steps for doing just that:
Create a mental image of your inner warrior.
What comes to mind when you think of the word warrior? Maybe a Native American warrior riding bareback into battle hundreds of years ago to defend his land, or an ancient Viking shield maiden landing on the beaches of a foreign country. Or it might be the image of an ER nurse in the middle of an all-night shift, or an activist peacefully marching to fight for their beliefs.
- If a character from a movie or book calls to the warrior in you, cut out a picture of that character from the web or save the book jacket and put it up on your fridge, vision board or desk for inspiration.
Decide how you’d describe your inner warrior.
Perhaps words like fearless and invincible come to mind. Yet maybe the best words to describe warrior energy are resilient, courageous and proactive. Resilient is a perfect description for a cancer patient summoning warrior energy to make it through their healing journey. Courageous describes a parent summoning warrior energy to remove their children from an abusive environment. Proactive might describe a manager initiating a tough conversation with a colleague before the situation gets out of hand.
- Challenge yourself to find five adjectives that describe what warrior energy means to you.
Give your inner warrior a theme song.
Maybe your inner warrior likes a fight song, like something with a driving beat and empowering lyrics. Or perhaps your inner warrior responds best to something softer that relaxes your nervous system and makes you feel grounded for the battle ahead. When you put this song on, or even catch this song via a synchronicity when it plays in a store or on the radio, it can be a signal to more consciously connect with your inner warrior.
- Make a warrior playlist of 10 songs that help you activate warrior energy.
Get clear on what type of warrior you are.
Maybe your inner warrior has a special flavor, like ice cream can be chocolate or pistachio. Are you an action hero warrior that likes to rush in and stay busy? Maybe you’re a love warrior, meeting every challenge or opponent with mercy. Peace warriors might be excellent diplomats or negotiators. Rebel warriors question the status quo. Activist warriors are idealists who see the amazing potential to improve life and fight for that potential to become reality.
- Name your warrior type, feeling free to mix and match from the examples above or create your own type.
Practice asking yourself: What would my inner warrior do?
Before facing any challenging or stressful situation that will require inner strength and resolve, take a moment and ask yourself, “What would my inner warrior do?” How would your inner warrior, as defined by the exercises above, handle disciplining your child, tackling a tight deadline at work or facing a financial crisis?
- Stop, quiet your mind for a minute and connect with your intuition for specific guidance on what your inner warrior would do.
Slaying Your Demons
What I’m talking about here are our inner demons, soul sucking situations, and the self defeating circumstances we have boxed ourselves into. And let’s also include the people in our lives that are the enemies of our self esteem and peace of mind.
The Arabic saying is….”Should you sit in your doorway long enough… you will see the bodies of all your enemies carried past you….”
So, what do these quotes actually really mean? I don’t know. But I, for one, am tired of waiting. What about you? Are you tired of waiting? Let’s get proactive! Today let’s actually do something! Let’s do some inner and outer head hunting.
Let’s kick some ass and take some names… which means having multiple victories over a number of opponents in quick succession, with a pace showing that this feat is not over yet. “kicking ass” means completely conquering an opponent, usually to a humiliating level, basically “kicking their ass”.
On the other hand, “taking names” refers to marking a number of individuals which have not been beaten yet, to be beaten later. It derives from the mafia, as taking names of future victims helps in finding more information and keeping track of them.
With that in mind… let’s do some name taking first. Who are your inner demons? What are your soul sucking situations? And lets add in the names of the people in our lives that definitely need to back off or go away. Here are some of mine:
- Dread
- Resistance
- Procrastination
- Avoidance
- I Should (as opposed to I could)
- Anxiety
- Paralysis
- Negative Self Talk
- Self Defeating Behavior
Here’s an example…
When I have to do something that seems hard and not fun on any level, I PROCRASTINATE the doing of it, and spend a large amount of time catering to DREAD and RESISTANCE, and having ANXIETY because I am AVOIDING what I SHOULD be doing, which inevitably leads me into a state of PARALYSIS during which I sit and stare at my phone or the television and BERATE myself for doing nothing, all the while, dreading, resisting, and procrastinating whatever it is that I think I should be doing that I’m not doing.
However:
I will say that I also get a huge payoff from that behavior because after a certain amount of sitting and doing nothing, I can usually distract myself with an art project or my website. My best art usually happens when I’m busily avoiding and resisting practical life stuff.
My website, including this project, is a direct result of me resisting and procrastinating stuff that wasn’t getting done 5 years ago, and still isn’t getting done today.
I think this will clearly require some more thought. I absolutely do not want to sacrifice my creative projects on the altar of practical day to day chores and bullshit. There has to be a way to preserve my pay off while actively working towards a better quality of life. What about you? What’s your pay off?
So… Kicking Ass…
Today I’m going to tackle at least one of my demons. I’m going to hit the procrastination demon head on and stop putting off my household chores and exercise plan. Right now. I’m going to just do that stuff. All the stuff on my to do list that I’m wanting to put off till later (or never) are going to get done today. Hell or high water. I’m going to rush through it… do a blitz attack.. and then sink back into something creative and interesting.
In my mind, it looks like this:
The reality will probably be more like this:
What about you? What are your demons? Where is your pay off? Is there just one thing you can have a “come to Jesus” moment with today? What is it? And what are you waiting for?
Just Do It!
Remember, we don’t have to win the war today, but we can at least win a battle and maybe even gain a tactical advantage!
You Got This!
Knowledge and self-confidence can be used to turn your weaknesses into strengths. A true warrior is someone who fights for his or her own self-mastery. Here are some tips:
- Know yourself.
- Face your fears head on.
- True victory is victory over yourself.
- Always strive to be better today than you were yesterday.
- Be secure in both your strengths and your weaknesses.
It is the inner warrior that allows you to be brave and take risks in unfamiliar situations. Cultivate your inner warrior by seeking out opportunities to express your true self; to be who you really are; and to be the person you want to be instead of the person you are expected to be.
In The Swamp?
“When you’re up to your neck in alligators,
it’s hard to remember that your initial objective was to drain the swamp!”
What a great quote!
There is a point in each project where we almost always begin to feel stuck. I’m not sure why, but somewhere between 2 and 3 weeks, there’s a point where momentum seems to be lost, and discouragement sets in… or interest wanes and other more intriguing stuff pops up.
If you are doing well, and making progress that’s great! If you are feeling stuck or at a standstill, I found several posts right here on the project that might be useful. These are from the Laying the Groundwork project. Definitely worth checking out!
Sometimes we just have to grit our teeth, put our grown up pants on, and push through. Sometimes we need a change of strategy, a rethink of priorities, or just a new idea.
My Hero
Here’s a great suggestion for dealing with or resolving problems and situations that feel impossible and overwhelming.
- Pretend to be your hero.
When you’re faced with a challenging situation, an intimidating project, a new career leap, an important meeting, think about a hero. Someone you have a lot of respect for, someone with experience in dealing with similar situations and problems. Then ask yourself what this person would do in your situation. How would they handle it?
Now imagine yourself doing exactly what you think your hero would do. This helps to clarify what the right actions are for you by removing the self-doubt and negative self-talk that can bog you down in uncertainty.
Don’t have a particular person in mind? Can’t come up with a hero that you would or could emulate? No problem. Play the “If I was” game.
It goes like this… “If I was the most … the best … the legendary …” Imagine what that might look like for you. Enjoy a moment of your epic greatness, then ask yourself, “So, now what could I do and how could I go about doing it?” And then (this is important) actually do that thing!
I did this a lot back in the day when I was a full time dog trainer. Sometimes I’d have an impossible dog but since I’m particularly stubborn, I wouldn’t give up… I’d maybe take a day or two off to think, and if all else failed I’d do the “fake it till you make it” ploy. It went like this:
If I was the best dog trainer in the world, the all time most famous and most knowledgeable trainer of dogs… legendary in the dog training world… what would I do? And then I would go forth “as if” and it always got me through.
So let’s just do it… the hardest most challenging aspect of self care… that one thing that we’ve been avoiding or dreading… channel your inner hero or your most respected expert in the field… and then JUST DO IT!
Maybe you need to tackle the whole shebang… maybe you just need to start the journey by heading out the door. Either way is fine. Consult your heroic self and just get started! Now is the time. Today is the day!
You got this!!
Being There
Yesterday we spent some time thinking about Dads. And when I went looking for images to decorate the post, I had an epiphany! Being a good dad to yourself looks a lot like Radical Self Care.
So, in that awareness, I’m going to share a small collection of pictures and paintings depicting dads, and I’d like to suggest that when we look at these images, we imagine what it would be like to be that stabilizing comforting strengthening presence not for our children, but for our actual selves.
Do you feel it? Can you imagine it? What if you actually spent the rest of the day being there for YOU in that kindly loving daddy way?
Daddy Time
We’ve talked about our inner child and our inner mom… but what about our inner dad? There’s nothing more comforting than having a Dad come over and help you deal with big practical problematic stuff.
My actual dad was not someone I could call on when I needed help with life on earth, but my husband and his dad could always be counted on to fix stuff that was broken. They would be there, probably cussing and complaining the whole time, but they would be there getting their hands dirty and the job done.
Sometimes I wish I had modeled my inner dad after them, but I didn’t. If I had, maybe my house and my car would be in better shape. Maybe… or maybe not…. I don’t know.
What about your inner dad? What are his qualities and attributes? How does your life reflect what your actual dad taught you? Are you trying to be more like him? Or the opposite of him? How does your relationship with your inner dad reflect your relationship with your actual dad, and what does that look like in terms of self care?
I modeled my inner dad after my actual dad. He was really good at telling stories, he definitely walked his talk and practiced what he preached. This I do… not so sure how good I am at telling stories, but I do enjoy talking and blogging and my art always has a little story embedded in it. I also do my best to practice what I preach.
He was also really good at puttering around totally ignoring my mom’s drama, and when the shit hit the fan, he could be counted on to take the dog for a long long walk. I do that too… But in terms of self care? Clearly, something is lacking here. Is that because it’s too easy for me to exit the building when stuff goes down that makes me uncomfortable? Interesting…
And I wondered what would happen if I invited my inner dad over for dinner. Could I ask him for help? Would be give me good counsel? Provide solutions to problems? Would it look something like this?
Or would it look more like this:
What about you? Is your inner dad very much like your actual dad? Or totally different? Do you need to give your inner dad a bigger role in your life? Or do you need to bump him back a bit? What about your actual dad? What can you learn from him? Even if he’s gone from this world, there might still be something you could learn…
Related Posts
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me: Make Your Own Violet Fire
Abdulrahman: Money Chant – Very Fast
Shirley Twofeathers: It’s A Wrap
Daniel Knirs: It’s A Wrap
Current Project
Our current project began on July 4. We are exploring the concept and practice of Radical Self Care . Feel free to join in at any time!
Interested? You can visit our current project page, or you can take a look at the About The Project page if you are curious about the concept.
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