Real Life

We had a small visit with old friends yesterday, coming together to comfort each other after the loss of a dear person. And I was kind of worried that it would be awkward and sad. During my morning meditation, a Rune popped out of the bowl I keep them in, and I thought… OK… a message from Spirit, or Saskia, or the Gods, or my Guides… someone has something to say. But then, I got busy on the phone, and totally forgot to look it up.

The visit with friends turned out to be amazing. It was a celebration of life and love. We laughed, we told stories, we connected in such a profound way. It felt like a coming home to a part of my tribe that I hadn’t seen in years. My daughter had to have been there, in spirit, because it wasn’t a feeling of loss. More of a feeling of love, like she was right there in the midst of us, laughing along with us, and really enjoying herself.

On my way back home, I was stunned by how happy I felt, how at peace, how relaxed and opened up my heart was. And I was wondering… how is this possible? My daughter died, and my heart isn’t broken into pieces… instead it feels like it’s expanded and opened up in a completely different way than I have ever experienced.

So then, this morning, I thought. I wonder what that Rune had to say. So I looked it up. Here are the best parts of what I read this morning:

Uruz, Strength, The Wild Ox.

The Rune of terminations and new beginnings, drawing Uruz indicates that the life you have been living has outgrown its form. That form must die so that new energy can be released in a new form. This is a Rune of passage…

Prepare, then, for opportunity disguised as loss. It could involve the loss of someone or something to which you have an intense emotional bond, and through which you are living a part of your life, a part that must now be retrieved so you can live it out for yourself. In some way, that bond is being severed, a relationship radically changed, a way of life coming to an end. Seek among the ashes and discover a new perspective and new strength…

Uruz puts you on notice that your soul and the universe support the new growth…

And of course now, I want to call her and tell her all about it… so a little teary eyed with that, but of course I don’t have to call her and tell her because she knows, she was there! But it would be so nice to talk to her about it…

So, my daughter died. It was sudden, unexpected, and devastatingly final. Not ready to blog about that quite yet. However, during my morning meditation, I asked for someone to talk to me… my guides, angels, the powers that be, my daughter, my mother, my father… didn’t matter who… I was just looking for some sort of communication from beyond the physical.

And I sat with myself for … I don’t know… however long and nothing. Just round and round about stuff I needed to do today, stuff I did yesterday… miscellaneous brain bullshit. Feeling overwhelmed by all the work of dealing with the aftermath of a loss in the family… so much more on my plate now that I’m having to really be there and present for us all.

And then it was time to move along with the morning. But as I was walking out of the room, I looked down and there was a rune stone on the floor in front of the door. How it got way over there I have NO CLUE. It wasn’t there yesterday or the day before, and I hadn’t gotten them out for almost a week…

So… Wow! Communication from beyond the physical.

Here’s the message:

The rune was Algiz. The rune of Protection, Sedge or Rushes, the Elk. The metaphysical message of this rune is as follows:

Control of the emotions is at issue here. During times of transition, shifts in life course and accelerated self-change, it is important not to collapse yourself into your emotions, the highs as well as the lows. New opportunities and challenges are typical of this Rune. And with them may come trespasses and unwanted influences.

Algiz serves as a mirror for the Spiritual Warrior, the one whose battle is always with the self. The Warrior’s protection is like the curved horns of the elk, or the warning rustle of the sedge grass, for both serve to keep open space around you.

Remain mindful that timely right action and correct conduct are your only true protection. If you find yourself feeling pain, observe the pain, stay with it. Do not try to pull down the veil and escape from life by denying what is happening. you will progress; knowing that is your protection.

I have a book with a much more in depth and traditional interpretation of runes, and it’s way too long to post here, but some things really spoke to me, here they are:

It is essential that in being ‘connected’ directly with our ‘higher’ (spiritual) Source we have our feet firmly planted on the ground, for unless we are grounded in the practical world in which we are living out our lives we are in danger of becoming unbalanced…

The powerful protective influence of Algiz can be used to put an egg-shaped shield around you and anchor you more firmly to the Earth. Imagine the Rune like a rod or staff in your hand and on which you can rest and feel safe, secure and well grounded. Its force-field around you will act like a shield…. It will protect you on all levels – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual…

This rune can help you to find hidden powers to meet any challenge, and center and balance yourself when stressed.

And then there was this:

ALGIZ (also called Elhaz) is a powerful rune, because it represents the divine might of the universe. The white elk was a symbol to the Norse of divine blessing and protection to those it graced with sight of itself. Algiz is the rune of higher vibrations, the divine plan and higher spiritual awareness.

So thank you to the Powers That Be, and the All That Is, and my Guides, Angels, and those in Spirit who love me. That was unexpected, spot on, and just what I needed.

Hello from sunny El Paso! Here are the highlights from the drive down:

  • 1. So, I’m driving through Kansas…

So, I’m driving through Kansas… and driving … and driving … and driving when suddenly I find myself on the outskirts of Spit-In-The-Road-Town #245. What’s so great about this little town? It’s the home of the Timeless Company. Not THE Timeless Company… simply Timeless Company.

So what does that mean? Did they lose track of time? Or is it that time has no meaning there? Maybe they are never on time? No one owns a watch? They have no idea what time it is? What? Do they travel in time? Has time stopped in that little compound surrounded by haphazard fencing, a derelict Quonset hut, and dilapidated trailer? If I had stopped the car and walked through the gate would I have found myself “back” in time? “out” of time? “on” time? With “time on my hands”???

  • 2. So the next big thing was the weather…

Most of the afternoon, I found myself skirting the southeast corners of big thunderstorms… I did pretty good staying out of the way until just at dusk, I drove right into the tail end of a whopping storm. Right about then, a really nice person in oncoming traffic flashed their lights (universal signal that cops are up ahead). I slowed down, and sure enough, not far down the road there was a state trooper. I drove on, mindful of the speed limit, and got flashed again, and then again… and again… and I was thinking “OMG! This place is freakin’ lousy with cops!”

By this time, it’s dark, raining, the wind is picking up, and still every now and then, someone flashes me… I’m wondering why those cops aren’t holed up in some corner cafe somewhere… eating donuts or something. Then I started wondering if maybe there’s some strange Kansas custom to flash oncoming traffic if there’s a tornado headed your direction. I started to get a little bit nervous.

I pulled into the next town, tanked up with gas, and decided it might be a good idea to stop for the night. I parked at a motel, got out of the car, turned off the lights…. and discovered that they were already off. I had been driving for about 1 1/2 hours, in the rain, in the dark, with no lights… LOL…

  • 3. More on the weather…

So here I am in a motel, and I turned on the TV only to discover that there are storms moving in and moving through that are dropping golf ball size hail and featuring damaging straight line winds. So… I should be happy to be safe and sound, right? Sure! Except for the fact that I’m driving a rental car.. and the deductible on my insurance is $1000.00 – I was like glued to the tube for a good hour.

Then I decided that all this focused attention was just as likely to create golf ball size hail as to deflect it… so I went to bed… saying over and over “Thank you that the car is OK. Thank you that the storms missed us. Thank you that the car is OK. Thank you…”

  • 4. So… between Wichita and El Paso

So… between Wichita and El Paso there is a whole lot of nothing!! Miles and miles and miles of flat land with no roads, no houses, no towns, nothing. And I’m driving along and there, by the side of the road I see a car seat. An infant car seat… just sitting there. Nothing around it. No one in it. It doesn’t look banged up. And I’m like WTF? I fed on plausible stories for hours.

  • 5. Oh, and I forgot to mention this!

I got into the rental car and was disappointed to discover that “economy” means no tape deck, no CD player… so I’m doing this whole trip in SILENCE! Some 600 miles later, I figured out that there really was a CD player… LOL… and by then, I wasn’t inclined to use it. I was so involved in talking to myself that I almost couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

  • 6. The Oklahoma panhandle area is pretty interesting.

The Oklahoma panhandle area is pretty interesting. You know that show, “Men in Trees”? I think they could do one for Oklahoma called “Dudes in Trucks”! I drove (my miraculously NOT storm damaged vehicle) through a 3 church, 2 gas station, 1 grain silo town… and did not see one single car. Not one. Every single vehicle in that town (excluding mine) was a truck.

  • 7. Texas…

Did you know that in the panhandle area of Texas it’s customary to just avoid roads entirely and drive through the fields? The first time it happened, the truck in front of me just suddenly made a left turn and drove straight off the road and into a field… He didn’t even slow down! I was like OMG! A little further on down the road, it happened again! This time I was thinking OMG WTF !!

  • 8. Oh… and I saw a roadrunner.

Oh… and I saw a roadrunner. I bet you’ll never guess what he was doing… OK… you probably guessed it. Yep. He was running across the road! How fun is that?

So… there you have it.

Thursday I’m going to a little clinic in Mexico for a shamanic healing Reiki experience. So, next time you hear from me, it’ll be a whole new me! Who knows, I might even be timeless! LOL.

Note: This was originally posted on my old blogger blog, on Tuesday, May 6, 2008


In an earlier post, I made the statement that Gandalf changed my life. Here is how that happened. I was working at for Sprint, on a terrible shift, doing work I detested, mostly on night shift, and in a deep and dark depression. After midnight, we usually watched movies between calls (which was allowed). One night someone brought in The Lord of the Rings.

I was thinking… “Oh God, not that again!” But there it was, nothing to do but watch it, so I did. And once again I got totally caught up in the drama. And once again I started to wish that life really was like an epic fantasy movie. And once again, I felt myself spiralling into that dark feeling of disappointment with myself and my life.

And then, Frodo said: “I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.” Which really resonated with me, I was wishing lots of stuff had never happened to me too.

To which Gandalf replied:

“So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

He went on to say: “There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.” But what I heard, that first part went straight to my heart. Something inside of me woke up. I could feel it stirring! It was as if he was speaking directly to me.

It occurred to me that I could decide what to do with the time that was given to me. That I could decide to live my life AS IF it was an epic fantasy movie. I could decide to be whoever it was that I wanted to be. And for the next several days – as we watched the rest of the trilogy – I mulled it over. I wondered who I would be if the Lord of the Rings was actually my “real” life… who was I in the movie? What part was I currently playing?

The answer was disconcerting to say the least. I came to the conclusion that I was “doing” life much the same as Denethor, Steward of Gondor. “Why? Why do the fools fly? Better to burn sooner than late, for burn we must. Go back to your bonfire! And I? I will go now to my pyre. To my pyre!”


If you don’t remember Denethor here’s the scoop on him: He’s a father, a good man, but he’s inexorably drawn to his own destruction because of his grief. He’s lost his son Boromir, and he almost lost his other son, Faramir. He’s lost his wife. He wasn’t the king of Gondor, only the steward…a caretaker. His city is under siege, his people are being slaughtered and he’s powerless to do anything about it. The situation is desperate. The armies of Sauron will come back. They will defeat civilization, and Denethor can’t see any way of stopping it. He can’t cope.

Ok, so I’m not a father, and I wasn’t in the situation he was in – but the grief was real, the feelings of loss and doom were real, I did feel powerless, and desperate, and unable to cope. And instead of standing my ground, instead of doing whatever could be done, I was plunging headlong into self destruction. Finding an almost sinful pleasure in being mean to myself, reveling in the self torture. Not even willing to allow the possibility of outside aid.

Now that I knew “who” I was in the movie, it was time to decide who I “wanted” to be in the epic fantasy adventure of my own life. I’ll blog that as a separate post. See it here.

By the way: This post was migrated from my blogger blog ( and was first published almost exactly 9 years ago, on 1/08/08.

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