Lists I Like

Love and Marriage

Published June 18, 2023 | By shirleytwofeathers

Do you have questions about love and marriage? I’ve got the answers right here! Just about anything you want to know about this important issue. I found it in my inbox this morning, it was too fun not to share.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
~Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
~Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER , by then..
~Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
~Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids.
~Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
~Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure?)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
~Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
~Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they’re rich.
~Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
~Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
~Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
~Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
~Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is……..
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck hit her.
~Ricky, age 10

Posted in Frequently Asked Questions, Lists I Like, Something Fun | Tagged funny stuff | Leave a comment

Fun Favorites

Published October 22, 2020 | By shirleytwofeathers

I saw this on Facebook the other day. The idea is to pick your favorite. My favorite is #1. What about you?

When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison
To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
It’s the start of a brand new day, and I’m off like a herd of turtles.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
I run like the winded.
I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”
Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.
My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

Posted in Found On Facebook, Lists I Like | Tagged LOL | 1 Comment

The Mega List

Published October 7, 2020 | By shirleytwofeathers

This is the mega list of stuff I want to finish or do before I die, including practical stuff to make life easier while I do these million things:

Note: These are in no particular order. I just wrote them down as I thought of them, and while I am tempted to organize this list, I have so far managed to resist alphabetizing or categorizing it. Also, some of this stuff will make sense only to me, because… long story.

Finish the drawings for the 100 things art project.
Post all the stories, essays, and poetry that I’ve written.
Upload all my finished art to my Redbubble shop.
Update all the Cafe Press products.
Update and finish up all my Cafe Press shops.
Upload all my favorite patterns and designs to Spoonflower.
Purchase samples of each of my Spoonflower fabrics and make mojo bags out of them.
Transfer all the posts from the shirleytwofeathers blogger blog to here on Hey It’s Me.
Transfer all the Mandala Madness on blogger to the Mandala Madness here on shirleytwofeathers.com.
Get all the Gypsy Magic stuff off blogger and on to my little Magick and Mystery sites.
Update the Pagan Calendar for 2021.
Get all the Reiki class stuff posted on Twofeathers Reiki.
Get all the dog training class info posted on Teach Your Dog To Behave.
So… basically… update the whole website with all the old blogger stuff and my collected information.
Get all the Middle of the Night Art pictures scanned.
Get all the art class pictures scanned.
Hook up my scanner.
Hook up my other PC so I can get the scanner up and running.
Dig the scanner out of the pile of clutter in my office.
Dig the PC out of the pile of clutter in my office.
Declutter the office area.
Organize the office area so that it’s easy to use.
Declutter the kitchen.
Make a cat tower out of the oatmeal boxes I have been saving.
Declutter the cat room.
Fix the big tub plumbing issues.
Get the toilet useable in the other bathroom.
De-mouse the magick room.
Make an outside Medicine Wheel.
Paint Kwan Yin.
Clean the bird cage.
Reclaim my bedroom.
Take the houseplants out of the big tub in the master bathroom.
Plant shrubs around the Magick Tree.
Plant ground cover under the Magick Tree.
Organize the magick room closet.
Organize the stuff in the magick room dresser.
Hang the bison skull.
Declutter the bedroom.
Level and finish Kwan Yin’s base.
Put a trellis behind Kwan Yin.
Enlarge the tire area that encloses the Kwan Yin space.
Fill the tires with soil and plants.
Finish out the Kwan Yin tire wall with whatever is needed.
Make a spot to connect with the Strength Tree.
Plant bulbs, bushes, and ground cover in Kwan Yin’s area.
Get planters for Kwan Yin.
Paint the hangar thingy next to Kwan Yin and hang a candle holder on it.
So, basically… finish the Kwan Yin area and make it really nice.
Plant a good ground cover in the Medicine Wheel area.
Finish the first two layers of the big tire wall.
Decide what to do with the desk in the old trailer.
Pull the cabinets out of the old trailer.
Get all the stuff I want to keep out of the old shed and turn the rest over to the scrappers.
Clean up the area around the old trailer.
Do something cool with the cymbals from the old drum set.
Add the second two layers to the big tire wall.
Finish the tire wall and make it look not terrible.
Clean up the pile of bottles and trash in the driveway.
Rearrange the living room.
Repaint the living room.
Replace the living room carpet.
Replace the hallway carpet.
Fix the front door so that it doesn’t leak during a rain storm.
Paint the hallway.
Organize the books in the bookshelves in the hallway.
Declutter the closet.
Finish the Gospel Missionary Message site.
Get all the old reel to reel tapes transferred to CD’s.
Repaint the kitchen.
Redo the kitchen floor.
Organize the storage unit.
Wash the fucking windows for crying out loud!!
Get the roof repaired.
Fix the fucking siding!
Enlarge the fenced part of the yard.
Get a new gate.
Replace the front stairs.
I need a better bed at some point.
Finish the Book of Demons.
Add my kids to the property title.
Add my daughter to my bank account.
Put all my sims stuff on it’s own external hard drive.
Move all the old prosperity projects to the Prosperity Project here on shirleytwofeathers.com.
Finish the Jim Morrison Doors Divination cards.
Finish that silly game I made up so that we can play it again.
Paint the front door.
Do a major mouse eradication event.
Thoroughly clean the old van, inside and out.
Put signs up on the gates.
Get some good locks for both gates.
Get my car painted where the paint has chipped off.
Finish the fun faces art project.
Knit the scarves I started working on last year and have them done before Christmas.
Clean out the old dog runs and turn it into a cool space for picnics and outdoor art.
Get the old woodstove moved into the picnic/art space.
Clean up the back yard of the old trailer.
Clean out the other shed and turn it over to the scrappers.
Get the old trailer scrapped and gone.
Fix the fence around the old trailer area.
Turn the old trailer area into a nice place for family picnics, camping, outdoor art, and other fun stuff.
Make a list of all my passwords and put it in a safe place just in case my daughter needs them.
Comb my hair – this pretty much needs to be done every day. LOL.
Organize my DVD collection and get rid of all the ones I don’t want.
Inventory all the cool stuff in my magick room so that when I am gone it will make sense to whoever has to go through it all.
Clean the heat ducts – no matter what time of year it is, winter is coming.
Clean the furnace filters – this pretty much needs to be done before, during, and after winter.
Finish the floor in the little bathroom.
Repaint the little bathroom.
Replace the wax ring on the toilet in the little bathroom.
Fix the faucets in the little bathroom so that water comes out of them properly.
Basically… make that little bathroom look really nice.
Do something cool with the old Ecuador stuff so it can be enjoyed instead of just being in a box.
Organize a more permanent art space for drawing and painting with acrylics and inks.
Clean out the medicine cabinet because the next time I am sick I don’t want to be rooting around in the middle of the night feeling like shit warmed over and not being able to find anything I’m looking for.
Clean out the refrigerator, because… gross!!
Pull the old drum set out of the shed, clean up the drums and figure out where to put them.
Declutter the art room …. again!
Gather up all my important papers and put them someplace safe and easy to get to just in case.
Organize all my miscellaneous paperwork – which means throw away every piece of paper that is redundant or unnecessary and put the rest into accessible neatly labeled folders.
It would be really nice to have my furniture recovered or replaced so it doesn’t look like crap.
Clean the litter box… basically this needs to be done like… every day!
Totally clean out my email which is seriously ridiculous with thousands of saved and/or unread emails.

Another note: For now, this is the list. If I ever actually manage to get anything on it done, I will come back and mark it as completed. Alternatively, the list will probably grow as time goes by.

Posted in Lists I Like, My Projects | Tagged bla bla bla, just do it, me me me | Leave a comment

Smiling At Our Pandemic Experience

Published August 1, 2020 | By shirleytwofeathers

So we’re into our 5th month of defeating COVID-19. These words made me laugh but there’s a lot of truth mixed in to consider. . .

So let me get this straight, there’s no cure for a virus that can be killed by sanitizer and hand soap?
Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree yet? I have run out of things to do.
When this virus thing is over with, I still want some of you to stay away from me.
If these last months have taught us anything, it’s that stupidity travels faster than any virus on the planet, particularly among politicians and bureaucrats.
Just wait a second – so what you’re telling me is that my chance of surviving all this is directly linked to the common sense of others? You’re kidding, right?
People are scared of getting fined or arrested for congregating in crowds, as if catching a deadly disease and dying a horrible death wasn’t enough of a deterrent.
If you believe all this will end and we will get back to normal just because we reopen everything, raise your hand. Now slap yourself with it.
Another Saturday night in the house and I just realized the trash goes out more than me.
Whoever decided a liquor store is more essential than a hair salon is obviously a bald-headed alcoholic.
Remember when you were little and all your underwear had the days of the week on them. Those would be helpful right now.
The spread of Covid-19 is based on two factors: A. How dense the population is and B. How dense the population is.
Remember all those times when you wished the weekend would last forever? Well, wish granted. Happy now?
t may take a village to raise a child, but I swear it’s going to take a whole vineyard to home school one.
Did a big load of pajamas so I would have enough clean work clothes for this week.

Shared from someone more witty than I am.
Share this!

Posted in Current Events, Lists I Like | Tagged coronavirus craziness | Leave a comment

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