shirleytwofeathers
All you need to do to have a magical life with no filler whatsoever so it’ll be really easy to remember. OK?
- Stop hiding
- Seriously. Stop hiding. No more lies. No more secrets. No more being addicted to what people think. (WARNING !! Do not read #3 until after you do this. Even though you and I both know you will. But it won’t do you any good. Oh well. Go ahead. 🙂
- You never aren’t in a magical life. So yea. Now go back and start with #1.
When life gives you lemons…
Cut those bitches up, put them into a mason jar, along with a photo of your enemy, salt, vinegar, and cigar ashes…
You’re welcome!
Here we have 14 steps to how to make an angel food cake Nietzsche style. The recipe is by Rebecca Coffey, and I think it might actually make a cake! Maybe I’ll try it!
1. Allow the angel to reach room temperature. Then kill it.
2. Kill God. Set Him aside.
3. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.
4. Ecstatically whip, as if possessed by a storm-wind of freedom, 1-1/2 cups of excellent egg whites with 1/4 tsp. salt and 1-1/2 tsp. cream of tartar. Continue until peaks are as if raised to their own heights and given wings in a fine air, a robust air.
5. Gradually add 3/4 cup sugar, about 3 tbsp. at a time.
6. You are brilliant.
7. Now, add 1 tsp. vanilla and 1/4 tsp. almond extract, and then sift together 1-1/4 cups flour and 3/4 cup sugar.
8. Blend in God and the angel. Emboldened, add the egg mixture.
9. Gaze into the ĂĽberbatter. The ĂĽberbatter will gaze into you.
10. While prancing about in a frenzy of self-satisfaction and anticipation, use a rubber scraper to push the ĂĽberbatter into an ungreased 10″ tube pan, for it is destined to be there.
11. Bake on a lower rack until done, usually 35-40 minutes, while reciting to the upper rack a long, convoluted anecdote about your childhood.
12. Invert the tube pan over a bottle for a few hours. Then impetuously rap the pan. Shout, “Aha!” and slide a knife along the pan’s insides.
13. Call what tumbles out a cake if you dare. Call it miraculous even.
14. Eat it. It is delicate, morbid, lovable, and you will die depressed, delirious, and overweight.
Found at: McSweeneys
Just in case you happen to invite a Klingon to dinner… here are a few recipes. Alternatively, if a Klingon invites you to dinner… this is what you just might find on the menu. LOL.
Vegetarian Lasagna
Invite a vegetarian over for tea. Politely inquire about his degenerate lifestyle in order to lull him into a false sense of security. When he lowers his guard, beat him to death with a sack of phone books.
Cook vegetarian over medium heat until brown. Remove from heat and stir in pasta sauce, onion, garlic powder, basil, and oregano. Return to low heat to simmer. Cook, drain, and rinse noodles.
In a baking dish, layer in noodles, sauce, and cheese. Bake covered with foil at 375 degrees Fahrenheit for 30 minutes or until top layer of cheese is bubbling. Let cool for 10 minutes, then serve and enjoy.
Afterward, discreetly dispose of the vegetarian’s belongings and wipe down the house from top to bottom.
Serves 4-8
Home-Style Gagh
Find someone who has already prepared some home-style gagh. Kill him/her in honorable combat and take his/her gagh. Serve cold and enjoy.
Serves 1-2
Heart of Targ
Retreat to the solitude of the wilderness. Contemplate what it means to be a man and come to terms with your shortcomings as a son, a husband, and/or a father. Play a drum if it helps. Thus centered, you are ready for Step 2.
Contemplate the targ until your mind opens and you realize that consuming the heart of a wild animal is nothing more than a romantic metaphor and that the targ’s spirit (or “mana”) will not transfer to you no matter how succulent its heart may be.
Armed with this new awareness, return to the city and order a three-meat pizza to sate your hunger. You, the targ, and the universe are now one.
Serves 1
Thing on a Stick
(a.k.a. Bachelor’s Delight)
Impale something on a sharpened stick. Cook over a pile of burning tires until bored. Serve hot and enjoy.
Serves 1
Tribble Nuggets
Preset disruptor to “incinerize.”
Identify a tribble infestation. Scramble your forces and surround the affected area with a ring of thermal mines reinforced by autoguns with overlapping fields of fire. Once secure, saturate the area with plasma mortars and spicy barbecue sauce. Assess bomb damage and repeat as necessary.
When satisfied, sweep the area with squads and mop up any remaining resistance. Retrieve charred tribble carcasses and stomp or pound into nuggets. Serve hot and enjoy.
If desired, commission an opera to celebrate your glorious triumph over the loathsome tribble menace.
Serves 1 Platoon
Found at: McSweeneys
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I think it's time to go shopping... maybe even buy some really cool stuff at my online shops!!
