Found On Facebook
When life gives you lemons…
Cut those bitches up, put them into a mason jar, along with a photo of your enemy, salt, vinegar, and cigar ashes…
You’re welcome!
The Devil went back to Georgia and his thoughts were dark and cold
That Johnny kid had screwed him and he still needed a soul.
When he came across this young man blowin’ on a tuba and playin’ hits
And the Devil took one look and said…
“Kid, I know you won’t believe this, but I play the tuba too
And if you wanna wager, well I’ve got a deal for you
If I’m the better tubist, then I get to take your soul
If you’re the best, you get this horn here, made from solid gold.
The boy replied, “My name is Hans, and though it may be wrong,
Your bet’s pretty intriguing, so I guess I’ll play along.”
Hans, clean out your spit valves, and get ready for a show.
Two tubas feudin’ face to face, pick up your horn and blow.
‘Cause if you win, you get a brand new tuba made of gold.
And if you lose the Devil gets your soul!
(Oomph music intensifies)
The Devil opened up his case and said, “I’ll start, I guess.”
And fire puffed out from the bell as on the valves he pressed
He raised the mouthpiece to his lips, it made a wicked BLART
And a band of lederhosen demons joined in with him to start
(Roll Out the Barrel plays with extended tuba solo)
Hans looked the Devil in the eye, once he finished his piece,
Said, “That’s okay, old man, but just you get a load of this!”
(http://youtu be/zmFYgc-Emmc and skip to 2:20)
The Devil bowed his head, because he knew he can’t compete
He dragged that heavy tuba down, it crashed by Hans’s feet
He turned away from Hans and as he retreated he said,
“Forget this crap I’m gonna try telemarketing instead.”
(Tuba outro)
Found on Facebook – see below:
‘You’re getting too old for this game, Scott. … They say the legs are the first to go.’
Got this from my cousin and just had to share it with all my Facebook friends who have entered that stage of life where one little mistake can cause a real dent into your day! That day is coming…. Don’t think it won’t happen to you.
This is what all of you 70+ year old’s have to look forward to:
This happened in an Aged Care Center.
The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central Cafeteria.
One morning, one of the residents didn’t show up for breakfast so my friend went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK.
She could hear him through the door . He said that he was running late, and would be down shortly, so she went back to the Dining area.
An hour later, he still hadn’t arrived; so she went back up towards his room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time.
He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.
She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn’t in any pain, and just wanted to have his breakfast.
So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.
When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him.
A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.
Found in my Facebook feed.
Here’s a smile for ya!
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I think it's time to go shopping... maybe even buy some really cool stuff at my online shops!!
