Looking For Love
Here’s what Osho says in answer to that question:
Food is always a substitute for love. People who don’t love, who somehow miss a life of love, start eating more; it is a love-substitute.
When a child is born, his first love and his first food are the same thing — the mother. So there is a deep association between food and love; in fact food comes first and then love follows. First the child eats the mother, then by and by he becomes aware that the mother is not just food; she loves him too. But of course for that a certain Growth is necessary. The first day the child cannot understand love. He understands the language of food, the natural primitive language of all animals. The child is born with hunger; food is needed immediately. Love will not be needed until long after; it is not so much of an emergency. One can live without love one’s whole life, but one cannot live without food — that’s the trouble.
So the child becomes aware of the association of food and love. By and by he feels too, that whenever the mother is very loving, she gives her breast in a different way. When she is not loving, but angry, sad, she gives the breast very reluctantly, or does not give it at all. So the child becomes aware that whenever the mother is loving, whenever food is available, love is available. Whenever food is not available, the child feels love is not available, and vice versa. This is in the unconscious.
Somewhere you are missing a life of love so you eat more — that’s a substitute. You go on filling yourself with food and leave no space inside. So there is no question of love, because there is no space left. And with food things are simple because food is dead. You can go on eating as much as you want — food cannot say no. If you stop eating, the food cannot say that you are offending it. One remains a master with food.
But in love you are no longer the master. Another being enters into your life, a dependency enters into your life. You are no longer independent, and that’s the fear.
Ego wants to be independent and ego won’t allow you to love; it will only allow you to eat more. If you want to love then the ego has to be dropped.
It is not a question of food; food is simply symptomatic. So I will not say anything about food, about dieting or doing anything. Because that won’t help you, you won’t succeed. You can try a thousand and one ways; that won’t help. Rather, I will say forget about food, go on eating as much as you want.
Start a life of love, fall in love, find somebody who you can love, and immediately you will see you are not eating so much.
Have you watched? — if you are happy you don’t eat too much. If you are sad you eat too much. People think that when they are happy they eat too much, but that is absolute nonsense. A happy person feels so fulfilled that he feels no space inside. An unhappy man goes on throwing food into himself.
So I won’t touch on food at all…and you continue as you are, but find a lover.
Above All,
Don’t Wobble
Everything changed when I forgave myself.
I have crooked teeth. I was born with strange toes and sometimes my heart speeds up. I’m not good with people, always keeping to myself, and I have two brothers I don’t even know.
But I’m trying to smile even though my teeth don’t look like a toothpaste commercial. I’m walking bare feet thinking ’who decided how toes are supposed to look?’ and I’m trying not to wear oversized clothes just to hide my body. I still keep to myself a lot, but sometimes I try to show up and reach out, and sometimes that’s all it takes.
I’m trying to both honour myself and grow myself.
Everything changed when I learned to honour my body instead of fighting it. When I learned to take care of it, like a precious castle to protect this weary heart. To stop harming it, punishing it for looking like this or that, feeling like this or that. I don’t look like they all told me I had to do, but I’m healthy and strong and vital. That is enough.
Everything changed when I forgave myself.
I never got a record deal. I never found a manager who believed in what I did. I never got to tour in a tour bus, with a band, in front of big crowds, and I never got to do all those things I fought with all my life for, for so long.
But I started my own record label and built my own deal. I learned to manage myself and I even created my own concept for touring. With friends as a band. With my very own supporters as a crowd. I created my own path.
Everything changed when I switched from saying ‘I have to do this’ to ‘I GET to do this’. When I started viewing my music as a way to serve instead of building for own profit. When I tried to meet people with an open heart and a will to love them instead of guarding my own history of solitude and brokenness.
Dedication. Giving. Loving.
That is the goal.
Everything changed when I forgave myself for all the things I couldn’t be.
I’m not famous, successful, rich or popular. I don’t have a large group of friends, a big house or academic qualifications to get me a job: heck I never even had a job!
But I get to do me. Full out. Peacefully. With no one telling me to go there or do that, be this or sign here. I get to explore every corner of my own personality, on my own. Every passion, every talent, and follow wherever it might lead me.
I’m not everything I want to be, but I’m more than I was, and I’m still learning.
I’m happy. Just sitting here. Knowing I have a few friends. Knowing I have a dream to work on. Knowing I have somewhere to go if it starts raining. A pillow to rest my head on. Someone to call when I get lonely. Nature to walk in, pure air, early mornings, seasons and weather. This is enough. This is more than enough. And most of all, I am enough.
Everything changed when I forgave myself.
~♡ Charlotte Eriksson
Did you ever have a dream that was so cool, so real, and so vivid that not only do you know it “means” something, you’d also like to figure out a way to get back into it and make it come true in your real waking life?
About 2 weeks ago, I had one of those. And then a series of events have happened to underscore it, and tonight I’m taking steps to say to the Universe, to tell the powers that be, “Hey – I’m up for it!”
So, here’s the dream:
In the dream, I hooked up with Opie, one of the bikers on the Sons of Anarchy. We had great sex, we had real love, and it was so so good! Now, interestingly, my ex-husband (now deceased) and Opie look really a lot alike. Here’s something else that’s interesting. When Mike (my ex) really began to slide towards the other side, I started to see him in my dreams more and more.
After he died, I began to see him every where I went. On the way to the viewing I saw him about 6 different times. I thought that the viewing would make his passing seem more real to me, but just the opposite happened. Now he doesn’t seem dead at all. Often he comes to me in dreams… that feeling of closure I had when the divorce was finalized is gone and it feels to me like we are connected in some deep irredeemable way.
But, back to the dream… no… wait… here are some pictures. The first one is Opie, the second one is my ex.
That being said, back to the dream. Opie and I hooked up, fell in love, had great sex, and then he had some business to take care of and I had to go to work. We decided to go someplace cool over the weekend, and I drove to work. When I parked the car, I saw that there were ripe black blackberries growing just beyond the parking lot. They looked so ripe and so good that I decided to go into “Heavenly Pets” (that’s where I was working) and get a bowl to put them in.
This is how good they looked:
So, I go into the shop, and the place is a mess, dog hair everywhere. One of my daughters was there and I said, “We better get this place cleaned up!” But first, I wanted to find a bowl for the blackberries.
So, I went outside with the bowl, all ready to have some yummy fruit, and this woman comes charging up to the door with her dog (Heavenly Pets is a dog grooming salon), all pissy and wanting to come in. I said to her, “We don’t open until 8 o’clock.”
She says, “It’s ten after nine!”
And I’m like… Fuck Me! And then, people with dogs started pouring out of cars and mobbing the front door. I gave up on the collecting the fruit idea and went back into the shop only to find that it was now a really horrible mess in there. Dog shit everywhere – piles and piles of it. Dogs running around loose. Dog hair. Dirt. It’s chaos and really really gross.
My other daughter has decided to pull all the cages out and clean under them. And I’m running around cleaning up shit, and shit, and even more shit! Then, we pull out a cage and underneath it is a dead cow. A whole cow, dessicated and flat, but a cow nonetheless… I’m like… what a bunch of crap! Literally! 10 times worse than this!
Suddenly, I remembered about Opie… and how we were in love, and going to do something cool. So I told everyone (my coworkers) that I was “no longer a virgin” and that I had a cool biker dude…
Next thing you know, he shows up. Looking all cute, wearing his “cut,” and ready to go. In the picture, (it’s really hard to find a good Opie pic) he looks kind of intense, in the dream, he was all smiling and cute.
And I’m thinking… “Damn! How can I leave now, with all this shit to clean up?” I could feel myself beginning to make the decision to stay and clean the never ending piles of shit and death, when I suddenly woke up. Wide awake. Dream so vivid in my mind! And right then and there, I decided that given a choice love vs shit, freedom vs work, cute biker vs dead cow, I’m going for love, freedom, and cute…
I told my daughter about it, and she was sure that I’d never find a biker or a biker type that was anywhere near anyone I’d have anything in common with. But then, I found Shaman Hawk’s post about being a Shaman and I’m thinking he has that “biker” look and that “biker” attitude. Not only that, but (like Opie) he had a thing with a porn star… and one of the girls at work who encouraged me that maybe I should go looking for a biker… well, her name is Donna. Which is the name of Opie’s dead wife. Coincidences… maybe… signs and portents… also maybe… I dunno.
Anyway, tonight I’m hanging out at bonafide biker bars with my friend Sequoia. (Another interesting coincidence since Shaman Hawk’s girlfriend’s name is also Sequoia.) This is my way of making it clear to “the powers that be” that I absolutely choose freedom, love, fun, and cute over work, death, and shit. As Shaman Hawk would say, you “gotta do the pictures.”
Postscript:
I’m revisiting this post in 2023, and realizing that I did actually make the decision to stay and deal with the shitstorm that I am apparently needed for. Moral of the story? When you are IN the dream, that’s when the decisions are made… not after the fact when you have had time to think about it and maybe a little more common sense!
Check this out – I may have found the dating site that’s right for me! I know my man Stan will be disappointed, but let’s face it, he just isn’t quite what I need. This new dating site promises to be interesting… and I’m sure that I’ll be able to find the love of my life!
I found a date through zombie harmony – one of the best free dating sites for zombies.
Created by Mingle2.com
Take a look at this guy! He’s kind of cute, don’t you think? Isn’t that a nice smile? And such big eyes! To die for, actually… LOL.
If an image has posted without permission please leave a comment and I will happily remove it, replace it, give credit, link love ~ whatever you prefer.
I think it's time to go shopping... maybe even buy some really cool stuff at my online shops!!
