Moving Forward
Yesterday we talked a little bit about time. Specifically how much time we might possibly have to live the rest of our lives with. So, I started wondering about time… what is it really?
We talk about “taking time out,” “wasting time,” “more time,” “time stood still”… as if time is a thing, a commodity, and yet we do actually know (at least most of us know) that this isn’t actually true. Time seems to be more of a measurement, a flow, an experience, a construct, and arbitrary way to keep track of whatever it is we want to keep track of.
Lets Get Scientific:
I was really curious about time, so I did a little bit of research over at Live Science. This is what I came away with:
In the 17th century, physicist Isaac Newton saw time as an arrow fired from a bow, traveling in a direct, straight line and never deviating from its path. To Newton, one second on Earth was the same length of time as that same second on Mars, Jupiter or in deep space.
However, in 1905, Albert Einstein asserted that time was more like a river, ebbing and flowing depending on the effects of gravity and space-time. Time would speed up and slow down around cosmological bodies with differing masses and velocities, and therefore one second on Earth was not the same length of time everywhere in the universe.
Newton and Einstein did agree on one thing, though — that time moves forward. So far, there is no evidence of anything in the universe that is able to dodge time and move forwards and backward at will. Everything ultimately moves forward in time, be it at a regular pace or slightly warped if approaching the speed of light.
But why does time tick forward?
Scientists aren’t certain, but they have several theories. One of these brings in the laws of thermodynamics, specifically the second law. This states that everything in the universe wants to move from low to high entropy, or from uniformity to disorder, beginning with simplicity at the Big Bang and moving to the almost random arrangement of galaxies and their inhabitants in the present day. This is known as the “arrow of time,” or sometimes “time’s arrow.”
Eddington suggested that time was not symmetrical: “If as we follow the arrow, we find more and more of the random element in the state of the world, then the arrow is pointing towards the future; if the random element decreases, the arrow points towards the past,” he wrote in “The Nature of the Physical World” in 1928.
Another theory suggests that the passage of time is due to the expansion of the universe. As the universe expands, it pulls time with it, as space and time are linked as one; but this would mean that if the universe were to reach a theoretical limit of expansion and begin to contract, then time would reverse — a slight paradox for scientists and astronomers.
Would time really move backward, with everything coming back to an era of simplicity and ending with a Big Crunch? It’s unlikely we will be around to find out, but scientists can postulate on what might happen.
Something to contemplate:
- How does time work for you?
- Does your life move forward as if shot from an arrow?
- Or is your life more of a meandering river?
What about a Big Bang? Boom! And everything explodes increasingly out of control? This tends to be my experience. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Oh and speaking of time… our Countdown Timer Widget has gone wonky and says we have 911 days for this project? Does it know something I don’t know? What the heck?
Something Scary
Now for the real challenge the scariest thing I’m going to suggest that we do. According to the 4000 weeks book, if a person lives to be 80 years old, they only have about 4000 weeks.
How about let’s do the math and figure out how many weeks we have left out of that 4000… how many weekends… how many new years resolutions… how many birthdays…
So there are 52 weeks in a year… if I live to be 100 (I like that number better!)… it gives me 5200 weeks instead of a mere 4000. And if I multiply my age by 52… that’s how many weeks I’ve used so far in my quest for perfection, enlightenment, happiness, fulfillment, success… etc. Yikes! That many?? No wonder I have so much accumulated junk!!
Subtract the weeks I’ve used from the weeks I might have been given and I have… jeez! Not that many! And of course we all know that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed… so… I better get my butt in gear and start living my life the way I want to!!
Which means getting off my ass and continuing my Lord Of The Rings marathon which I do every year because its fun and I like it. What about you? What are you going to get off your ass and go do now that you know for sure your time as “you as a human person” is limited?
A Fresh Start?
According to Oliver Burkeman, there’s no such thing as a fresh start. Yes! He says exactly that in his Imperfectionist Newsletter. He also says, and I quote, “You have already failed.”
Say what?
The unspoken hope is that you won’t just change a few things for the better, but make a total break with the past. You’ll reboot your life, leave disorganization and procrastination behind you once and for all, and do everything differently from now on….
He goes on to say:
I’ve only more recently grasped the deeper point here, which isn’t simply that fresh starts don’t work as intended, but that there never are any fresh starts in the first place. Contrary to self-help cliché, the thing we perfectionists need to learn isn’t that we’re probably going to experience failure. It’s that we’ve already failed, totally and irredeemably.
This is liable to sound incredibly depressing, but since it’s actually fantastic news, I hope you’ll allow me to elaborate.
Behind our more strenuous attempts at personal change, there’s almost always the desire for a feeling of control. We want to lever ourselves into a position of dominance over our lives, so that we might finally feel secure and in charge, and no longer so vulnerable to events. But whichever way you look at it, this kind of control is an illusion. It implies the ability to somehow stand back from or get outside of your life – which you never can, obviously, because you just are your life.
What this means, for one thing, is that the perfectionist’s fantasy of reaching her deathbed with a perfect record of accomplishments under her belt isn’t just extremely unlikely, but doomed from the start, because (to mix metaphors) the years she’s already lived are water under the bridge. All the time you’ve already wasted, the people you’ve disappointed, the opportunities you failed to seize – it’s all already happened, and can never be undone.
It also means that the person attempting to leave the past behind, by making a fresh start, is one who’s been completely shaped by that past. The self you’re seeking to transform is the same one that’s doing the transforming – so you’re like Baron Munchausen, trying to pull himself out of the swamp by yanking on his own hair. You can never start life afresh, because you’re hopelessly stuck in this life; there’s no breaking through to another one in which everything’s different and better.
The reason this is so liberating, for anyone with even a hint of perfectionism, is that it means you get to give up on the exhausting struggle to take charge of your life, so as to steer it in a new direction. You get to abandon all hope of one day finding the perfect time management system – or perfect relationship, job, neighborhood, etcetera – and relax back into the inescapable chaos and muddle of the one you have.
And then – once you’re facing your real situation, not fixating on a fantasy alternative – you suddenly find yourself able to start making a few concrete improvements, here and now, unburdened by any need for those improvements to usher in a golden age of perfection. This, in my experience, is the only way personal change ever really happens: by first seeing that it’s always a matter of rebuilding the ship mid-ocean, making adjustments to a life you can’t ever take back to port or trade for another.
The American Zen teacher John Tarrant says, “freedom, waking up and fearlessness come down to the simplicity of ‘Wait a minute, what if this is it?'” When I hear such exhortations to live in the moment, the fresh-start addict in me is quite capable of turning them into perfectionistic plans, too: “From tomorrow morning, I’ll meditate every single day, and become the kind of person who lives in the moment!” But Tarrant’s point isn’t that you should live in the moment tomorrow. It’s that this is it, right now, with all its odious imperfections – the tasks that remain unaddressed, the messes that haven’t been cleared up, the enormous personality flaws that still haven’t been corrected. And it’s the only place I can ever hope to get anything meaningful done.
Ok so…
This kind of reminds me of that last charge in Lord of the Rings where Theoden King of the Rohirrim, charges down the hill in an impossible doomed to failure battle with an incredibly huge and vicious army or orcs, monsters, and bad guys of all shapes and sizes. And of course, my life isn’t any where near that dramatic or epic … most days anyway…
In years past, I might have imagined myself charging down that hill to battle my demons, my obstacles, my mistakes and misdeeds, my faults, flaws, and failures… But today, I’m looking at things a little differently. I’m thinking, “What if…”
What if, here I am, with my army at my back. My very own army of all of my good qualities, along with my many mistakes, faults, flaws, regrets, remorse, guilt, shame, mishaps, misdeeds, failures, and all the other imperfect and messy parts of me that make me human… and we’re charging down that hill to tackle the next big thing… totally unprepared… not even at all sure what we could possibly be battling…
I love this new vision…
Oh and by the way
If you haven’t seen the Lord of the Rings, or read the books, here’s a quote and a video:
“The end will not be long,” said the King, “but I will not end here, taken like an old badger in a trap. … When dawn comes, I will bid men sound Helm’s horn, and I will ride forth. Will you ride with me then, son of Arathorn? Maybe we shall cleave a road, or make such an end as will be worth a song, if any be left to sing of us hereafter.”
So now I’m feeling empowered and ready to take on the world… or at least that tiny little part of it that I think of as mine. How about you?
It’s Day One
It’s day one! Day one of our new project and day one of the year 2022. This is the first day of the rest of your life… what do you want to do with it?
I think I want to make some lists. I love making lists, and this is the perfect day and time for a bunch of them. Here are some ideas:
- All the things that I want to do differently this year.
- All the things that I wanted to do differently last year but failed miserably at.
- Three things I know for sure that I will do at least once this year.
- What do I really want to succeed with?
- What am I willing to fail at in order to succeed with any or all items on the above list?
- Three things I know for sure that I will never be able to do even though I want to.
- How can I make my life an even bigger disaster than it already is?
- What can I do to make my life easier and more fun?
- What am I willing to actually make an attempt to do that will make my life easier and more fun?
- What is most important to me?
- What is least important to me?
- What are the least important things I’m willing to sacrifice on the altar of the most important things?
- If I can’t have everything I want, what am I willing to settle for?
Ok… so that’s a lot of lists to choose from, and I don’t think I’m going to do them all. Not even close. I’m probably just going to pick one or two. What about you? What lists interest you? Do you have ideas for lists that didn’t get listed?
Starting Tomorrow…
Ok guys. It’s New Year’s Eve, lots of people all over the planet are thinking about their New Year’s Resolutions, their hopes and dreams for the future, and how next year… starting tomorrow… everything will be different, better, not as imperfect or messed up as last year… stuff like that.
Not everyone approaches New Year’s Eve this way, but many people do, myself included. And I’m always thinking what can I do better? And how can I make myself do me in the best possible way? How can I change my life for the better, how could I behave differently and achieve a better outcome?
And then what happens (to me anyway) is that I do begin the year differently, maybe with a different attitude, or a different routine… something… but by the time February rolls around it’s all gone to shit! And I’m back to my same old stuff, not eating properly, not exercising like I should, not keeping the house clean, not meeting my goals, making the same mistakes and inventing brand new ones…
This year I’m going to do it again. Sigh… I just really love the idea that I could make a decision, commit to an action or activity or mindset, and suddenly it’s a whole new year, a whole new me, and I really can change my life experience to make it better, happier, more of what I want and less of what I don’t want.
So, starting tomorrow… I’m going to embark on a grand scheme, a great plan to explore how to become an imperfectionist, how to fail with a smile on my face and a song in my heart, how to really live and thoroughly enjoy my messy, imperfect, way too short life.
I’d love it if you’d decide to take the journey with me. And it really doesn’t matter if it’s not New Years Eve anymore, because every day – every moment – is brand new, never before explored by you! So how about it?
And even if you decide to opt out and go your own way, I’d love to hear what (if any) resolutions you might have for the new year… just leave me a note in the comments. Don’t do resolutions? How do you approach a New Year, please tell me, I might need some new ideas come February!
Messy and Imperfect
Our next project is due to begin in less than a week, and I’m still not sure what I’m going to call it or how exactly I’m planning to organize it. So it’s already a mess, and right here, right now, I’m thinking I might call it:
Life Is Messy, Imperfect And Probably A Fail But Time Is Running Out So Just Carry On And Do What Seems Best In The Moment
Actually, I think that’s pretty much the the basic premise behind this project. My idea for this project sprang from a piece of an interview Oliver Burkeman. I only heard part of the interview, but it made a huge impression on me.
What he basically said was that life is really really short. Ok, I already knew that. He went on to say that we might as well start by admitting defeat.
Here’s what I came away with:
- Failure is an inevitable part of being human and that a person could choose what to fail at.
- You can settle for less, it’s just a matter of choosing what this might be.
It was like a load I was carrying was suddenly released! Yes! I can fail at keeping my house clean and clutter free. I can absolutely settle for and even expect to have a sink full of dishes and clutter in the dining room. My website doesn’t have to have a gazillion readers nor does it have to be “finished!” And actually, the website will always be a work in progress, and now that’s ok.
The things I’ve been carrying around and beating myself up for found a nice little spot in my “It’s fine if I fail here” basket. And as soon as I did that, I began to discover what it was that was really important to me, those things that I am not and will never be willing to fail at.
One of the things I discovered was that being there for my family was really important to me. No matter what, I will always be there for them. I might fail at fixing their problems, I might fail at understanding them. I might not know what to say or do, but I will not fail at being there for them.
I can settle for having a dozens of art projects in various stages of disarray and incompleteness. If I don’t finish every picture, painting, or mosaic… that’s fine. My art is a work in progress that will never be completely done. This means that I can throw my whole self into whatever has my creative juices flowing without beating myself up for not finishing this that or the other.
When I was in middle school, my one goal in life was to know every thing there is to know about everything there is. Eventually this turned into wanting to know everything there is to know about dogs, reiki, herbs, magick, art, life, motherhood, the Gods… and yes… ridiculously impossible. I’m letting that one go too. Instead I’m going to settle for learning as much as I can learn about whatever it is that I am interested in right now in this moment.
He also made a point that the future we imagine when we’ve become our most self-actualized, accomplished selves, with inboxes empty and goals achieved, is a fun-house mirror that keeps us separate from our real lives.
His book is called 4000 Weeks because if you live to be 80 years old, that’s how many weeks you have. I did the math… and even if I had 4000 more weeks, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to complete the 1001 things on the “to do, to know, and to be” lists that I continually beat myself up with.
And as for this project? In the past, I’ve had to struggle with delusions of grandeur and expectations of brilliant success and the idea that dozens, if not hundreds of people will somehow find out about it and then join in. Today, I’m absolutely sure I will fail at going viral and that’s fine with me. My website probably couldn’t handle that much traffic anyway. I’m happy to settle for simply getting this project up and running.
So how will the project work?
My plan is that we will begin on January 1st. I haven’t read the book yet so I thought I’d pick pieces and parts from what I’ve found and collected so far and share my own thoughts and ideas about them. Also, I’m thinking I will look around for bits and pieces from different sources so that we aren’t exploring just one opinion.
One of those pieces is Wabi-sabi, the Japanese art of imperfection, which goes along with the idea of becoming an imperfectionist and giving up on my goal of achieving perfection in everything I do. This was another thing Oliver Burkeman mentioned in the interview.
I’m totally in love with Imperfectionism, especially when it comes to art, and I do have an art project idea that I’m going to throw into the mix at some point. That doesn’t mean I won’t try to make everything perfect, it just means that I won’t beat myself up when I inevitably fail.
What else? Oh! If you happen to be reading this and think you might want to join in, YAY! We can do it together. If you just want to dip in every now and then and watch the chaos unfold… that’s fun too!
To stay informed whenever something new posts, you can subscribe via email, there’s a link to Feedburner in the sidebar, or if you’re on your phone or other device, it might be at the bottom of the page. If you don’t do email anymore, you can like and follow our Facebook page.
Feel free to comment. I love it when people leave a comment on something I’ve written. And also, know that you can join in at any time, you don’t have to worry if you aren’t up for the whole 30 days… hit and miss is perfectly fine, and actually it’s how most of us have worked these projects over the years.
The painting, by the way, is by Alex Levin.
An Imperfect Idea
We just completed this project, and I thought it might be good to also share where the idea came from. So I’ve back dated it to the day it was actually written, and here it is:
Here’s where the idea came from:
I was driving home the other day and happened to hear a piece of an interview with an author of a self-help book about time management. At first I was kind of rolling my eyes a little bit because the whole concept of time management eludes me.
I love my “to do” lists, but I almost never actually DO them. I really enjoy creating new daily and weekly routines, which I can’t ever seem to follow for more than a day or two. I also spend inordinate amounts of time trolling Facebook, playing games on my phone, and surfing YouTube. In other words, I fail miserably at time management, and yet, I do seem to get quite a bit of stuff done.
So there I was, rolling my eyes and thinking about how I hate time management advice because I never succeed with it, and then he said something to the effect that we can’t possibly do everything we want to do.. My ears perked up and I said, “What?”
And then he said that we can’t possibly be everything we want to be either. Failure is inevitable, and we might as well come to terms with it.
He went on to say that instead of picking what we want to succeed at, it might be good to look at what we are willing to fail at because failure is going to happen, and it’s simply up to us to choose what that might look like. For example, a person might be willing to fail at housework… in order to put more time and energy into something else.
So then he had my full attention. I fail at housework every day! I fail at housework in order to try to succeed with art, family stuff, and the inevitable distractions of YouTube, Facebook, and Google. He also talked a little bit about how it’s perfectly ok to “settle for less.”
There was more to the interview, but I was so taken with his ideas that I don’t even remember what else he actually said. Here’s what I came away with:
- Failure is an inevitable part of being human and that a person could choose what to fail at.
- You can settle for less, it’s just a matter of choosing what this might be.
It was like a load I was carrying was suddenly released! Yes! I can fail at keeping my house clean and clutter free. I can absolutely settle for and even expect to have a sink full of dishes and clutter in the dining room. My website doesn’t have to have a gazillion readers nor does it have to be “finished!” And actually, the website will always be a work in progress, and now that’s ok.
The things I’ve been carrying around and beating myself up for found a nice little spot in my “It’s fine if I fail here” basket. And as soon as I did that, I began to discover what it was that was really important to me, those things that I am not and will never be willing to fail at.
For Example:
One of the things I discovered was that being there for my family was really important to me. No matter what, I will always be there for them. I might fail at fixing their problems, I might fail at understanding them. I might not know what to say or do, but I will not fail at being there for them.
Also, I can settle for having a dozens of art projects in various stages of disarray and incompleteness. If I don’t finish every picture, painting, or mosaic… that’s fine. My art is a work in progress that will never be completely done. This means that I can throw my whole self into whatever has my creative juices flowing without beating myself up for not finishing this that or the other.
And as for this project? In the past, I’ve had to struggle with delusions of grandeur and expectations of brilliant success and the idea that dozens, if not hundreds of people will somehow find out about it and then join in. Today, I’m absolutely sure I will fail at going viral and that’s fine with me. My website probably couldn’t handle that much traffic anyway. I’m happy to settle for simply getting this project up and running. I am, however, not willing to fail at posting and sharing this particular project.
What’s Next?
I have to come up with a name and a theme for the project. If anyone has any ideas, I’m open to suggestion. My current ideas include:
- It’s A Fail
- Settling For Imperfection
- Time Management For Imperfect People Who Suck At It
Oh, and if you want to do some preliminary research, I’m going to talk about the author, his book, and his newsletter here pretty soon. When I get that written up and posted, I’ll put a link to it here. And I did get a preliminary post finished and published, here’s a link: Messy and Imperfect.
But, hey, it’s Christmas Eve! I’ve got family stuff to do, so I’m going to leave you hanging for a little bit while I hang out with them.
Hi Guys!
It’s been quite a while since we did a project, and I think I’m finally ready to get going with a new one. I’m not quite ready to post the details, but I’m pretty excited about it, and am already getting a nice result from what I’ve done so far.
Basically, it’s going to be about failure and not meeting goals or measuring up to the expectations we have for ourselves. I have been spending a ridiculous amount of time fretting and regretting my many false starts and screw ups. I think I might have found a great way to bypass all of that and free up that energy. So!
Stay tuned. More is on the way. I’m hoping to start the project on January 1, just in time for all those annoying New Years Resolutions that we never seem to quite be able to fulfill.
If you’re interested in joining in, I’d love to have some company on this new journey!
Five Simple Things Project Overview
Here is an overview of our Five Simple Things project. This post provides links to pertinent aspects of this project, so that you won’t have to sift through the archives to find out what you want to know.
If you would like to try this project for yourself, you can start on Day One: Let’s Get Started, and then continue on thru to the last day: A Look Back, posting your thoughts, ideas, results, joys and disappointments as you go. This is an active blog, and if you post, we will notice and reply… and give you the benefit of our own experience and our support if it seems pertinent or appropriate.
There is a post for feedback on this project, which can be found here: A Look Back. This is usually an active blog, and if you post, we will notice and reply… and give you the benefit of our own experience and our support if it seems pertinent or appropriate.
- Our original idea: A New Project?
- A Short Summary: Let’s Get Started
This project spawned two image galleries.
- Five Simple Things Gallery – Each image is linked to the post in which it was shared.
- More Five Things – A comprehensive list of all the other Five Things one might do.
Here is complete listing of the daily posts for the Five Simple Things project:
- 1. Let’s Get Started
- 2. Day Two and Something New
- 3. Coming Clean
- 4. Simple Thing #3
- 5. Unlocking Opportunities
- 6. Letting Go
- 7. Magical Thinking
- 8. So Far So Good
- 9. Adding To Our Five Things
- 10. Hitting A Wall
- 11. Changing Things Around
- 12. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.
- 13. Cleaning Up
- 14. Being Productive
- 15. Heading Out
- 16. Asleep On The Job
- 17. Something To Think About
- 18. Morning Rituals
- 19. More Five Things
- 20. Easy As Pie
- 21. Shouting Merci!
- 22. Scintillating Resplendent and Brilliant
- 23. Dynamic Imaginings
- 24. Confusingly Convoluted Simplicity
- 25. Unplug and Unwind
- 26. What If?
- 27. Five Simple Questions
- 28. Words Of Power
- 29. Acts of Intention
- 30. A Look Back
I also just want to say thank you to everyone who participated. This was one of my favorite projects, and I would never have followed through with it if it wasn’t for those of you who read my posts, and worked the project along with me. So… Thank you! Merci! Gracias!
The Five Simple Things Gallery
When we come to the end of a project, I always like to include a gallery of all the images I used to illustrate or decorate each post. Sometimes, pictures really do speak louder than words. Each of these images is linked to the post in which it was shared, so this is also an easy way to navigate this particular project. Also, they are loaded in random order, because I think its more interesting.
Because I made so many stickers this time around, I have given them their own separate gallery. Here they are, feel free to download and share:
Oh my!
Wow!
That’s a lot of stickers!
I know, right? I had way too much fun making them. Obviously! We also have a photo gallery of a bunch of other lists of five things, which can be found here: More Five Things. It’s pretty cool as well. Lots of good stuff there.
Go! Explore! Enjoy!
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B. Joy Barrett: beautiful-turquoise-upholstered-accent-chair-for-living-room-with-within-colorful-accent-chairs-colorful-accent-chairs-transforms-the-look-of-a-room
Claudette Losier: Why Does It Work?
me: Make Your Own Violet Fire
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Shirley Twofeathers: It’s A Wrap
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Our current project began on July 4. We are exploring the concept and practice of Radical Self Care . Feel free to join in at any time!
Interested? You can visit our current project page, or you can take a look at the About The Project page if you are curious about the concept.
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