Monthly Archives: July 2023

Hitting All The Bases

Today I thought we might do a list just to be sure we are hitting all the bases when it comes to self care. This is not a to do list. This is more of an idea list, activities that just might fall into the category of Radical Self Care. These are small and totally optional ideas you might want to incorporate into your life.

Physical self-care: This involves taking care of your body by getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, eating a healthy diet, and attending regular medical checkups.

  • Try to go for a walk every day. While you are walking, put a smile on your face. Also, it serves as an antidepressant.
  • Eat more natural foods, avoid those that are highly processed.
  • Be good to your body.
  • Every morning do some exercise. It will boost the energy you need for the upcoming day.
  • Dancing can be a great way to remove the feeling of being self-conscious about your body, and is also a fun way to exercise and enliven your spirits.
  • Hydrate. Drink a lot of water and tea.
  • Soak up some sun. Sunshine matters a lot, not just to your physical health, but also to your emotional and mental health.
  • Massage might sound luxurious and self-indulgent, but massage helps reduce muscle pain and tension, reduce stress, and relax your body. You can book yourself a massage or you can administer massage on yourself.
  • Seek out a sauna or spa or even your local gym, and allow the sweat to cleanse your body of impurities.
  • Try yoga. The benefits of yoga extend far beyond physical health. Yoga also helps increase your focus, decrease stress and anxiety, and increase your sense of wellness.
  • Move like you mean it. Movement is medicine both for our physical wellness but also for our mental health and it does not have to equate to an hour or two workout session, but can be broken up into multiple activities spread throughout the day.

Intellectual self-care: This involves stimulating your mind by engaging in activities that challenge your intellect, such as reading, learning new skills, or pursuing a hobby that interests you.

  • Embrace your creative side and try hobbies that inspire you like painting, pottery, coloring, writing, knitting, etc.
  • Celebrate your gifts and talents. Explore and enjoy them.
  • Try to spend at least 30 minutes a day reading something unrelated to your job or studies.
  • Audiobooks are a great way to increase your knowledge on the go. You can listen to audiobooks while driving, walking, working out, doing house chores, etc.
  • Create a Vision Board. A vision board is a visual representation of the dreams and goals.
  • Play More Music. Music has the power to shift your mood and improve your memory and cognitive function. Create a playlist of music that brings you joy and soothes you.
  • Spend money on experiences such as traveling, wine tasting, museums, etc.

Mental self-care: This involves taking steps to reduce stress, manage your thoughts, maintain healthy relationships, and promote overall well-being.

  • Do some journaling. A journal is a safe place for you to work through your feelings, without judgments or criticism. It can serve as a confidant and guide.
  • Negative thoughts have a way of dragging your down into the dumps. Challenging these negative thoughts and replacing them with more positive ones is one great act of self-care.
  • Avoid wasting your time focusing on problems from the past, energy vampires, negative thinking, or things that are out of your control. Invest your time and energy on positive and present things.
  • Minimize the clutter in your home, and in your mind.
  • Take time to focus on being your best self.
  • A great way to purposefully give yourself a break from the stressful fast pace of our world, is to unplug digitally as often as possible.
  • The simple act of focusing on what we are grateful for can help us reduce negative thoughts and shift our perspective toward seeing what is positive in our lives and all that we have already accomplished.

Emotional self-care: This focuses on taking care of your emotional wellbeing by identifying and expressing your feelings, managing stress levels, and developing positive coping mechanisms.

  • Be kind to yourself.
  • Learn to say no. Many people struggle with saying “No” to other people’s demands, whether it was to please others or simply out of generosity.
  • Stop comparing yourself to other people. You are you. No apologies, no regrets!
  • Create a “No” list. As much as we lean into what “To Do” in self-care, of equal importance is identifying things to say “no” to.
  • Your home is your shelter, where you feel most protected and where you recharge after a long day. Take the time to make your home comfortable and cozy.
  • Never compare yourself, nor your life to other people. You cannot know everything about their lives.
  • Do not care about other people’s opinions about you! That is none of your business.
  • Remember, either good or bad; a situation will always change.
  • Commit to not allowing unkind words about your body or yourself to occupy space in your mind.
  • It’s important to check in with yourself as often as possible. Do you feel tired? Stressed? Overwhelmed? If so why do you feel this way and how can you take better care of yourself?
  • Studies show that laughter can be a great stress buffer. It doesn’t matter how intense the laughter is — even smiling helps.
  • Take a breath in through your nose, hold for 5 seconds, and breathe out through your mouth. This simple mindful breathing exercise helps reduce your stress level, relieve pain, and increase your energy.

Social self-care: This involves nurturing your relationships with others by spending time with loved ones, joining social groups, and reaching out to others for support when needed.

  • Put a smile on someone’s face every day.
  • Spend time with people who love you for you.
  • Learn to agree when to disagree. In fact, you cannot always be right.
  • Tend to help people that are in need. Try to give, not to take.
  • Create a Social Self-Care Plan.
  • Hide A Love Note For Someone Special.
  • Ask for help. Receiving is a skill that can be learned and strengthened. It helps you bring more balance into your life and relationships.

Spiritual self-care: This connects you with your spiritual beliefs by engaging in activities that fulfill your spiritual needs, such as meditation, prayer, or connecting with nature.

  • Take 10 minutes a day to stay silent.
  • Practice patience. When you become more patient with others, situations, and yourself, you become more peaceful. This helps you manage stress better and enjoy your life more.
  • Spend as much time in nature as you can and try bringing nature to you. Get yourself a houseplant, or start a window herb garden.
  • Develop a regular meditation practice.
  • Give yourself permission to commit to your self-care plan, especially when you’re experiencing feelings of guilt or are unfamiliar with self-care.
  • Create daily or weekly rituals that bring you into a closer connection with Spirit.
  • Find a group of likeminded people with whom you can spend time doing spiritual, magickal, inspirational, or healing activities.
  • Take Mindful Moments. This simple and easy practice can take anywhere from 2-10 minutes, depending on individual need and can be done almost anywhere. Simply stop and be fully in the moment.

The most important thing to remember about self-care is that it is really all about YOU – to identify, embrace and indulge in whatever elements bring you peace, nourishment, joy and enhanced wellbeing for your life’s journey.

Sources:

Something Kind

What is the kindest thing… the sweetest, most comforting, loving, thing you can do or say to yourself? Not coming up with anything?

Remember the love language quiz we explored? What’s your love language and how can you use it on yourself? Better yet,  just go down the list and do each one!

  • Use your words… say something really loving and kind to yourself.
  • Take some time… spend a little time with you, doing what you love to do.
  • Give and Receive… give yourself a present, something nice that you would really like.
  • Good Deeds... do something nice just for yourself, just for you.
  • Physical Touch… give yourself a hug, an actual pat on the back.
  • Be There… make a pact to always be there for you.
  • Radical Acceptance… radically accept that you are who you are and that’s ok.

Well? What are you waiting for? This is going to be fun!

One Big Thing

Ok guys! One big thing! What’s your one big thing that would absolutely make your life better. What’s one big step you could take to Radically take care of you? Not all the things… just one thing. One big thing!

My big thing is my toilet problem… it may sound trivial, but my toilet hasn’t flushed properly for like… I don’t know…  2 years? A really long time of procrastinating and dreading having to deal with it Definitely an energy drain due to all the resistance. Plus, I think it’s a big red flag signaling loud and clear that I am not taking very good care of me.

This is the week, today is the day, now is the time! I’m going to deal with it. What about you? What are you going to deal with? Are you going to summon your inner warrior? Call upon your inner dad? Maybe call a committee meeting? Be your own best boss? Are you going to divide it up into easy steps? Or go for the gold?

I’ve got a plan based on The Art of War. It goes like this:

My biggest “enemy” right now, in this moment is my toilet that doesn’t want to flush properly. My weakness and limitation is that I don’t want to hire a plumber to come to my house and fix it because I’m feeling reclusive and weird.

On the positive side, I’m pretty sure I understand myself, my limitations, and my weaknesses.

My resources are that I have enough money to buy parts, or even a new toilet if necessary. I also have a person who has volunteered to come over and help. And I have access to google and YouTube for DIY and How-To informational articles and videos.

What’s next? A good strategy, obviously! Because:

The Skillful Strategist
Defeats the enemy without doing battle.
Captures the city without laying siege.
Overthrows the enemy state without protracted war.

There are five essentials for victory:
Know when to fight and when not to fight;
Understand how to deploy large and small numbers;
Have officers and men who share a single will;
Be ready for the unexpected;
Have a capable General unhampered by his sovereign.

OK so! I need a good plan. A clear vision of what I’m up against… meaning I’ll need to “spy” on toilet experts posting on YouTube, and I’ll need to have a good understanding of the basics of toilet installation and maintenance.

My helper and I will need to be in agreement about what we are doing, and we will need adequate supplies, an internet connection in case we need to do a quick google search, and a real plumber on speed dial. Also, we’ll need to have great timing.

Definitely need to call a meeting. Schedule an intervention of sorts. My inner boss, who is the Best Boss Ever, can make sure we have all of our ducks in a row, and my Inner Dad can take the dog for a walk (LOL). I’ll channel my hero, the best most famous plumber I can imagine, and schedule my inner warrior to show up and help us power through. Our success is assured!

Now it’s your turn!  JUST DO IT!

The Art of War

While researching for this project I stumbled into The Art of War by Sun Tsu. What an interesting little book. Over the years, there have been a lot of books and internet articles applying his ideas to modern life. What I loved  was the simplicity of his actual writings. Here’s a great quote that I thought might be useful for this project:

Know the enemy, know yourself,
And victory is never in doubt,
Not in a hundred battles.

He who knows self but not the enemy
Will suffer one defeat for every victory.

He who knows neither self nor enemy
Will fail in every battle.

So what is the enemy in your battle for Self Care? What or who opposes you? Very important to really understand what we are up against, I think. Equally important to know our own strengths and weaknesses, our limitations, our resources, and to understand the ground upon which we stand.

Your Inner Warrior

From Buddha Groove, we have this nice little article about how to summon your inner warrior. I am in love with this idea. Let’s do it!

Your soul has many archetypes in its soul DNA, and some may present stronger than others. Perhaps people have always called you a “free spirit,” or your healer or teacher archetype has actually become your full-time job. While you might be born naturally very strong in a certain archetype, others can be called in and cultivated.

If you’re having trouble asserting yourself in life or currently facing an intimidating challenge, you might want to get to know your inner warrior—it is one of your greatest allies. Here are 5 simple yet powerful steps for doing just that:

Create a mental image of your inner warrior.

What comes to mind when you think of the word warrior? Maybe a Native American warrior riding bareback into battle hundreds of years ago to defend his land, or an ancient Viking shield maiden landing on the beaches of a foreign country. Or it might be the image of an ER nurse in the middle of an all-night shift, or an activist peacefully marching to fight for their beliefs.

  • If a character from a movie or book calls to the warrior in you, cut out a picture of that character from the web or save the book jacket and put it up on your fridge, vision board or desk for inspiration.
Decide how you’d describe your inner warrior.

Perhaps words like fearless and invincible come to mind. Yet maybe the best words to describe warrior energy are resilient, courageous and proactive. Resilient is a perfect description for a cancer patient summoning warrior energy to make it through their healing journey. Courageous describes a parent summoning warrior energy to remove their children from an abusive environment. Proactive might describe a manager initiating a tough conversation with a colleague before the situation gets out of hand.

  • Challenge yourself to find five adjectives that describe what warrior energy means to you.
Give your inner warrior a theme song.

Maybe your inner warrior likes a fight song, like something with a driving beat and empowering lyrics. Or perhaps your inner warrior responds best to something softer that relaxes your nervous system and makes you feel grounded for the battle ahead. When you put this song on, or even catch this song via a synchronicity when it plays in a store or on the radio, it can be a signal to more consciously connect with your inner warrior.

  • Make a warrior playlist of 10 songs that help you activate warrior energy.
Get clear on what type of warrior you are.

Maybe your inner warrior has a special flavor, like ice cream can be chocolate or pistachio. Are you an action hero warrior that likes to rush in and stay busy? Maybe you’re a love warrior, meeting every challenge or opponent with mercy. Peace warriors might be excellent diplomats or negotiators. Rebel warriors question the status quo. Activist warriors are idealists who see the amazing potential to improve life and fight for that potential to become reality.

  • Name your warrior type, feeling free to mix and match from the examples above or create your own type.
Practice asking yourself: What would my inner warrior do?

Before facing any challenging or stressful situation that will require inner strength and resolve, take a moment and ask yourself, “What would my inner warrior do?” How would your inner warrior, as defined by the exercises above, handle disciplining your child, tackling a tight deadline at work or facing a financial crisis?

  • Stop, quiet your mind for a minute and connect with your intuition for specific guidance on what your inner warrior would do.

Slaying Your Demons

What I’m talking about here are our inner demons, soul sucking situations, and the self defeating circumstances we have boxed ourselves into. And let’s also include the people in our lives that are the enemies of our self esteem and peace of mind.

The Arabic saying is….”Should you sit in your doorway long enough… you will see the bodies of all your enemies carried past you….”

So, what do these quotes actually really mean? I don’t know. But I, for one, am tired of waiting. What about you? Are you tired of waiting? Let’s get proactive!  Today let’s actually do something! Let’s do some inner and outer head hunting.

Let’s kick some ass and take some names… which means having multiple victories over a number of opponents in quick succession, with a pace showing that this feat is not over yet. “kicking ass” means completely conquering an opponent, usually to a humiliating level, basically “kicking their ass”.

On the other hand, “taking names” refers to marking a number of individuals which have not been beaten yet, to be beaten later. It derives from the mafia, as taking names of future victims helps in finding more information and keeping track of them.

With that in mind… let’s do some name taking first. Who are your inner demons? What are your soul sucking situations? And lets add in the names of the people in our lives that definitely need to back off or go away. Here are some of mine:

  • Dread
  • Resistance
  • Procrastination
  • Avoidance
  • I Should (as opposed to I could)
  • Anxiety
  • Paralysis
  • Negative Self Talk
  • Self Defeating Behavior

Here’s an example…

When I have to do something that seems hard and not fun on any level, I PROCRASTINATE the doing of it, and spend a large amount of time catering to DREAD and RESISTANCE, and having ANXIETY because I am AVOIDING what I SHOULD be doing, which inevitably leads me into a state of PARALYSIS during which I sit and stare at my phone or the television and BERATE myself for doing nothing, all the while, dreading, resisting, and procrastinating whatever it is that I think I should be doing that I’m not doing.

However:

I will say that I also get a huge payoff from that behavior because after a certain amount of sitting and doing nothing, I can usually distract myself with an art project or my website. My best art usually happens when I’m busily  avoiding and resisting practical life stuff.

My website, including this project, is a direct result of me resisting and procrastinating stuff that wasn’t getting done 5 years ago, and still isn’t getting done today.

I think this will clearly require some more thought. I absolutely do not want to sacrifice my creative projects on the altar of practical day to day chores and bullshit. There has to be a way to preserve my pay off while actively working towards a better quality of life. What about you? What’s your pay off?

So… Kicking Ass…

Today I’m going to tackle at least one of my demons. I’m going to hit the procrastination demon head on and stop putting off my household chores and exercise plan. Right now. I’m going to just do that stuff. All the stuff on my to do list that I’m wanting to put off till later (or never) are going to get done today. Hell or high water. I’m going to rush through it… do a blitz attack.. and then sink back into something creative and interesting.

In my mind, it looks like this:

The reality will probably be more like this:

What about you? What are your demons? Where is your pay off? Is there just one thing you can have a “come to Jesus” moment with today? What is it? And what are you waiting for?

Just Do It!

Remember, we don’t have to win the war today, but we can at least win a battle and maybe even gain a tactical advantage!

You Got This!

Knowledge and self-confidence can be used to turn your weaknesses into strengths. A true warrior is someone who fights for his or her own self-mastery. Here are some tips:

  • Know yourself.
  • Face your fears head on.
  • True victory is victory over yourself.
  • Always strive to be better today than you were yesterday.
  • Be secure in both your strengths and your weaknesses.

It is the inner warrior that allows you to be brave and take risks in unfamiliar situations. Cultivate your inner warrior by seeking out opportunities to express your true self; to be who you really are; and to be the person you want to be instead of the person you are expected to be.

In The Swamp?

“When you’re up to your neck in alligators,
it’s hard to remember that your initial objective was to drain the swamp!”

What a great quote!

There is a point in each project where we almost always begin to feel stuck. I’m not sure why, but somewhere between 2 and 3 weeks, there’s a point where momentum seems to be lost, and discouragement sets in… or interest wanes and other more intriguing stuff pops up.

If you are doing well, and making progress that’s great! If you are feeling stuck or at a standstill, I found several posts right here on the project that might be useful. These are from the Laying the Groundwork project. Definitely worth checking out!

Sometimes we just have to grit our teeth, put our grown up pants on, and push through. Sometimes we need a change of strategy, a rethink of priorities, or just a new idea.

My Hero

Here’s a great suggestion for dealing with or resolving problems and situations that feel impossible and overwhelming.

  • Pretend to be your hero.

When you’re faced with a challenging situation, an intimidating project, a new career leap, an important meeting, think about a hero. Someone you have a lot of respect for, someone with experience in dealing with similar situations and problems. Then ask yourself what this person would do in your situation. How would they handle it?

Now imagine yourself doing exactly what you think your hero would do. This helps to clarify what the right actions are for you by removing the self-doubt and negative self-talk that can bog you down in uncertainty.

Don’t have a particular person in mind? Can’t come up with a hero that you would or could emulate? No problem. Play the “If I was” game.

It goes like this… “If I was the most … the best … the legendary …”  Imagine what that might look like for you. Enjoy a moment of your epic greatness, then ask yourself, “So, now what could I do and how could I go about doing it?” And then (this is important) actually do that thing!

I did this a lot back in the day when I was a full time dog trainer. Sometimes I’d have an impossible dog but since I’m particularly stubborn, I wouldn’t give up… I’d maybe take a day or two off to think, and if all else failed I’d do the “fake it till you make it” ploy. It went like this:

If I was the best dog trainer in the world, the all time most famous and most knowledgeable trainer of dogs… legendary in the dog training world… what would I do? And then I would go forth “as if” and it always got me through.

So let’s just do it… the hardest most challenging aspect of self care… that one thing that we’ve been avoiding or dreading… channel your inner hero or your most respected expert in the field… and then JUST DO IT!

Maybe you need to tackle the whole shebang… maybe you just need to start the journey by heading out the door. Either way is fine. Consult your heroic self and just get started! Now is the time. Today is the day!

You got this!!

Being There

Yesterday we spent some time thinking about Dads. And when I went looking for images to decorate the post, I had an epiphany! Being a good dad to yourself looks a lot like Radical Self Care.

So, in that awareness, I’m going to share a small collection of pictures and paintings depicting dads, and I’d like to suggest that when we look at these images, we imagine what it would be like to be that stabilizing comforting strengthening presence not for our children, but for our actual selves.

Do you feel it? Can you imagine it? What if you actually spent the rest of the day being there for YOU in that kindly loving daddy way?

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Current Project

Our current project began on July 4. We are exploring the concept and practice of Radical Self Care . Feel free to join in at any time!

Interested? You can visit our current project page, or you can take a look at the About The Project page if you are curious about the concept.

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