Overcoming Obstacles
Give Us A Push
Today I thought we could explore motivators that work. How do we know they work? Because they have worked for us in the past. In my experience these fall into two categories.
- Things we didn’t want to do, but did anyway.
- Things we wanted to do, and stepped out of our comfort zone for.
So lets start with a list of things we didn’t want to do, but did anyway. And let’s not stop there. I think it would be really super helpful to find out why we did it anyway. What was it that gave us that added push?
For example:
- I didn’t want to go to work Wednesday morning, but I went anyway because my daughter was counting on me, she needed me, and she would have been really disappointed and upset with me if I had let her down.
- I wanted to go to a concert with my granddaughter, so I stepped out of my comfort zone … bought Lady Gaga tickets (scary – I’m not sure why), agreed to drive downtown (yikes!), and eat at an unknown restaurant (way out of my comfort zone) … Why? Because I didn’t want to disappoint her. And also because I found someone who was willing to help pick out the best tickets, do the driving, and find a good restaurant.
Interestingly, for me, both examples have to do with making someone else happy. What does this tell me? That if I can find a way to include someone else’s happiness or comfort, I can get myself do quite a few things that would otherwise be really difficult for me to make myself do.
A Few More Ideas:
Other things that might motivate me to do what I don’t want to do might include:
- Desperation
- Fear
- Anger
Other motivators that might push me out of my comfort zone into new experiences might include:
- Curiosity
- A Challenge (for example… if someone said “You can’t …”)
- Too much coffee…. LOL
So, guys… Let’s get started on our lists, and see what we can find out about what gets us up and out of bed in the morning, and keeps us keeping on even when we’d rather not.
But I don’t want to…
Getting ourselves to do the things that we don’t want to do… that’s a tricky one. We all have activities, chores, jobs, stuff, that we “should” do, or are “supposed to do” and that we don’t do because… well, truth be told, we just don’t want to. Maybe it seems too hard, maybe it’s boring, maybe we resist for other reasons. Sometimes its something simple, like getting the laundry done or washing the dishes. Maybe you need to make a dental appointment, or return books to the library.
Today, I’m talking about the little things. Let’s leave the big things for later on. And by the big things I mean getting out of a bad relationship, breaking a bad habit. losing weight, and all those other big impossible scary things that seem fraught with danger and doomed to failure.
Let’s get the little things done before we go big and hit the hard stuff. What I’m hoping for, is that by getting the simple small things accomplished, we’ll build some momentum and all the other “but I don’t want to …” obstacles to health and happiness will simply fall away.
We’ll need a “to do” list that includes all the things that we need to do for one reason or another. Things that we don’t want to do, things that we have been putting off doing for days, weeks, months, maybe even years. Little things that weigh us down and nag at us in the background.
Make a nice long list:
- I should …
- I need to …
- I am supposed to …
Here are a few examples:
- I should … clean out the refrigerator.
- I need to … declutter my house.
- I am supposed to … do my taxes.
Now that your list is made:
Now that the list is made, it’s time to edit it a bit. You don’t want to do it… but you “should.” Is that really true? Or can you simply say, “Hey, I don’t want to, and I’m not going to… “ and poof… that’s over and done? You’re telling yourself you “need” to. Is that really true? Is this a necessary thing? Or can you just let it go? Just because you are “supposed” to do something, is it really true that you have to do it? Or can you just say no?
Here’s an example from my own experience… I “need to” go through all my remaining boxes of junk sorting and tossing, and organizing what I plan to keep before I put them into storage. I “need to” do this because it’s smarter, and it saves space in my storage unit, and it declutters my life. But I don’t want to. And I’m not doing it. And my house is cluttered with boxes and bins full of God knows what. So… maybe I “need to” deal with it now, but hey, I don’t want to, so I’m not going to, and poof… it’s going to storage UNSORTED and that’s fine with me… it’s better than fine because hey… I need a decluttered house more than I need a neat and tidy storage unit.
I “should” clean out the refrigerator. Is that really true? Yes. I have scary stuff in there taking up space, the last time I didn’t clean it out, I ate some bad tomato sauce by accident and puked my guts up all night long.
Next up:
Now that we’ve eliminated the unnecessary items, our lists are shorter, and it’s possible we might even do a few things on our lists… or maybe not. Maybe we still don’t want to. If that’s the case, don’t worry, I think a good definitive list is plenty for today. Tomorrow we’re going to work on ways to motivate ourselves to get this stuff out of our hair and off our plates.
Breaking Out
Yesterday we worked on defining our comfort zones… today we’re going to explore safe ways to get out of them. As American mythologist Joseph Campbell reminds us, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” What are you waiting for?
I have a couple of ideas that I think might be helpful to explore. The first thing is to look at one of your known comfort zones, give it a title, and then do a “what would I do if…” Here’s an example:
I found that one of my comfort zones is my tiny area of familiar places. I think I’m becoming more and more reclusive. So, if I did the turn around it might look like this:
If I wasn’t so reclusive, I’m sure I would:
- Go to a bar that features live blues bands… and enjoy some great music.
- See the Pompeii exhibit at Union Station.
- Have more friends.
Another idea is to look at the individual sentences from the exercise yesterday, and come up with alternatives. It might look something like this:
When someone is unkind to me, instead of getting quiet and withdrawn, I could …
- Burst into a profusion of fake tears… (fun!)
- Fling my hands up into the air and say very dramatically, “Really??!?”
- Do a silent and very dramatic silent scream.
- Smile, and say, “That was mean.”
When someone is unkind to you, what could you do differently?
As you explore these other options, begin to think about trying a couple of them. Look around for ways to disrupt your normal routine. If you usually watch Action Adventure Movies, watch a Romantic Comedy. If you always sleep on the left side of the bed, try sleeping on the right. Take the long way home…. Little things. Easy stuff.
I Did It!
Today I thought we might begin to discover our prime motivators. That which gets us up and moving. We’ve been working on figuring ourselves out for about 10 days now, have you discovered anything new about what motivates … or demotivates you? What pushes you forward? What holds you back?
Here are a few suggestions to get us started:
- It’s easy for me to … because I am motivated by …
- It’s hard for me to … because I am very resistant to …
- I always want to … because I love …
- I never want to … because I hate …
- When I feel … it’s easy for me to … because … gets me moving.
- When I feel … it’s very hard for me to … because … stops me dead in my tracks.
Yesterday’s exercise gave me a little bit more insight in this direction when I discovered that I find it easy to do interesting things. This tells me that curiosity is one of my prime motivators. I have also discovered over the course of this project that discomfort is a major demotivator for me. If it’s going to make me uncomfortable, I’m not going to want to do it, unless I’m super interested or curious … in which case the discomfort is over ridden by my curiosity. And of course, I cannot forgo a challenge… so if someone tells me that something is impossible, I will immediately go to work proving them wrong.
How does knowing this make my life better, easier, more comfortable, or more prosperous?
Well, if I take a look at my “prosperity list” – I can see that a working bathtub is one of the things I wrote down that I felt was possible or doable right now. I have also discovered over the course of the project that I need more comfort in my life, and what could be more comfortable that a nice hot relaxing bath?
So now I know that I’m not fixing my plumbing because the imagined discomfort (a demotivator for me) outweighs my curiosity (a motivator). It doesn’t seem impossible enough to be a challenge (another motivator), and nobody has told me that I couldn’t possibly do it (highly motivating). I have also discovered that other people’s opinions and expectations mean a lot to me, so I could possibly use that as a motivator in my plumbing project by offering to reward someone for helping me with the plumbing… then I would have to actually do it because someone else would be relying on me to follow through (highly motivating).
When you look at your past successes, do you see similar motivations? Have you figured out anything that will help make your life right now better, easier, more comfortable, or more prosperous? Is there one small thing that you could find a way to motivate yourself to accomplish?
I Would If…
So today we’re going to pull out all of our “I can’t” statements from yesterday and rewrite them by substituting “I would… if …” Then we’re going to go several steps further by continuing with our statements until we loop back to the beginning or we know we’ve come to the end.
Here are a couple of examples:
I can’t lose weight because I love to eat too much.
- I would lose weight if I didn’t love to eat too much.
- I wouldn’t love to eat too much if I felt more satisfied with myself.
- I would feel more satisfied with myself if I had more physical affection coming my way.
- I would have more physical affection in my life if I had a love relationship.
- I would have a love relationship if I wasn’t embarrassed by how I look.
- I wouldn’t be so embarrassed by how I look if I could lose weight.
Hmmm… it’s a catch 22… that was interesting and unexpected. I’m not quite sure what to do with it at this point, so I’m just going to leave it and go on to the next statement:
I can’t fix my plumbing because I don’t know how.
- I would fix my plumbing if I knew how.
- I would know how to fix my plumbing if I was a plumber.
- If I was a plumber I would fix my plumbing, but I’m not a plumber… so now what?
- I could fix my plumbing if I hired a plumber…
- So why don’t I?
- Alternatively, I could fix my plumbing if I became a plumber!
Again, interesting…
Continue with your “I can’t” statements from yesterday until you’ve completed them all, or until the exercise becomes boring. As you work through them, you might begin to see a pattern or a recurring theme.
As always, it will be much more effective and illuminating if you actually put pen to paper and write it down. I had a number of insights when I was working on this post… and those insights did not come when I was imagining and planning this exercise. They came when I was actually writing it all down.
Taking Action
Thought is the creative power, or the impelling force which causes the creative power to act; thinking in a Certain Way will bring riches to you, but you must not rely upon thought alone, paying no attention to personal action. That is the rock upon which many otherwise scientific metaphysical thinkers meet shipwreck – the failure to connect thought with personal action.
By thought you can cause the gold in the hearts of the mountains to be impelled toward you; but it will not mine itself, refine itself, coin itself into double eagles, and come rolling along the roads seeking its way into your pocket.
Your pocketbook is not going to be transformed in to a Fortunatus’s purse which shall always be full of money, without effort on your part.
This is the crucial point in the science of getting rich; right here, where thought and personal action must be combined. There are very many people who, consciously or unconsciously, set the creative forces in action by the strength and persistence of their desires, but who remain poor because they do not provide for the reception of the thing they want when it comes.
By thought, the thing you want is brought to you; by action you receive it.
From The Science of Getting Rich
by Wallace D. Wattles.
I suppose it’s kind of like having an apple orchard. You plant the trees, the weather cooperates, and eventually there are apples. But unless you harvest and use them, they are just bird food. And if you aren’t ready to go out and get them when they are ripe, and if you don’t can, cook, eat, or sell them, those apples will still end up being bird food.
Getting Motivated
Here is a small piece of an article I found at Steve Pavlina’s website. It’s something that happens to me all the time, so I thought I would share it here and see if we can get some good insights and commentary going.
Do you ever feel there’s a greater being inside of you just bursting to get out? You can feel its presence sometimes, can’t you?
It’s the voice that encourages you to really make something of your life. When you act congruently with that voice, it’s like you’re a whole new person. You feel like a god in a human body. You’re bold and courageous. You’re strong. You’re unstoppable.
But then reality sets in, and soon those moments are history. Where did that powerful voice go? Were you merely suffering from delusions of grandeur?
It isn’t hard to temporarily put yourself into an emotional state of power. Just go to any Tony Robbins’ concert seminar, and he’ll have you dancing in the aisles feeling totally motivated. Put on your favorite fast-tempo music, stand tall, breathe strong, chest out, shoulders back. Strut around like a superhero. Shout, “Yes!” Pound your chest a few times for good measure. You’ll look like a dolt, but this does actually work.
But then you go home, and the emotional motivation fades away. Your great ideas now seem impractical. How many times have you been temporarily inspired with an idea like, “I want to start my own business,” and then a week later it’s forgotten? You come up with inspiring ideas when you’re motivated, but you fail to maintain that level of motivation through the action phase.
So how do you reach the point of high motivation and stay there?
Steve Pavlina has some interesting answers to this on his site, you can look at them here. I’m also curious and interested to know what our own answers are.
Don’t Take No For An Answer
This story is from Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich
One afternoon, Mr Darby was helping his uncle grind wheat in an old-fashioned mill. The uncle operated a large farm on which a number of share-crop farmers lived. Quietly, the door was opened, and a young black girl, the daughter of a tenant, walked in and took her place near the door.
The uncle looked up, saw the child, and barked at her roughly, “What do you want?”
Meekly, the child replied, “My mama say send her fifty cents.”
“I’ll not do it,” the uncle retorted, “now you run on home.”
“Yes sir,” the child replied, but she did not move.
The uncle went ahead with his work, so busily engaged that he did not pay enough attention to the child to observe that she did not leave. When he looked up and saw her still standing there, he yelled at her, “I told you to go on home! Now go, or I’ll take a switch to you.”
The little girl said, “Yes sir,” but she did not budge.
The uncle dropped a sack of grain he was about to pour into the mill hopper, picked up a barrel stave, and started toward the child with an expression on his face that indicated trouble.
Mr Darby held his breath. He was certain he was about to witness an assault. He knew his uncle had a fierce temper.
When the uncle reached the spot where the child was standing, she quickly stepped forward one step, looked up into his eyes, and screamed at the top of her shrill voice, “My mama’s gotta have that fifty cents!”
The uncle stopped, looked at her for a minute, then slowly laid the barrel stave on the floor, put his hand in his pocket, took out a half dollar and gave it to her.
The child took the money and slowly backed toward the door, never taking her eyes off the man whom she had just conquered. After she had gone, the uncle sat down on a box and looked out the window into space for more than ten minutes. He was pondering, with awe, the whipping he had just taken.
Mr Darby too was doing some thinking. That was the first time in all his experience that he had seen a black child deliberately master an adult white person, (remember this is 1937). How did she do it? What happened to his uncle that caused him to lose his fierceness and become as docile as a lamb?
Flushing Our Bills Away
Here is something easy and simple. It’s probably not an “authentic” gypsy magic spell, but I think it’s worth doing. Here’s how it goes:
- List your bills separately on toilet paper.
- And flush the toilet paper down the toilet.
As you are doing this, remember that what comes in must also go out. And that’s OK. Because you are in the flow. Prosperity flows through you just as easily as the water that you see swirling down and out.
As soon as that tank fills up, you will be able to flush again. As soon as your check book fills up you will be able to pay bills again. No worries.. no fears..
It’s a flow.. money comes in.. money goes out..
Borrowed from:
Gypsy Magick and Lore
Stomping Out Problems
Here is a spell to remove a problem. Write the problem on the sole of an old shoe. Put the shoe on, stomp on the problem three times, then take the shoe off and burn it in a fire.
Borrowed from:
Gypsy Magick and Lore
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