Writing It Down
Today we are going to revisit yesterday’s list of “I am…” statements. I hope you wrote them down, and if you didn’t take some time right now to revisit yesterday’s post and make a list of at least 5 statements.
As you look over the I am statements from yesterday, take a little bit of time to read each one and think about how does it make you feel to say that?
- Good? Bad? Happy? Sad? Embarrassed? Ashamed?
- Maybe it just feels true… and neither good nor bad.
Today, I want us to take a look at the statement that we like the least. The one that makes us feel the worst when we think it. It might even be something that you wouldn’t even be comfortable saying out loud. Take that statement and write it in big bold letters on a new page of your notebook.
- Are you avoiding it?
- Hiding from it?
- Fighting with it?
- Overwhelmed by it?
- At a loss as to what to do about it?
- All of the above?
- None of the above?
- Something else is going on with it?
While you are contemplating this statement about yourself, make a circle around it. Any kind of a circle, a big fat circle, a raggedy jaggedy circle, a complicated spiral, a simple bubble… doesn’t matter. Just make a circle around your statement.
Once your circle is complete, on the OUTSIDE of that circle, write, draw, or doodle whatever it is that you’d like to do to it. Maybe you want to decorate it… maybe you want to poke holes in it… maybe you want to yell at it… drop bombs on it… You’ll know when you’re done.
Now, underneath what you’ve just done, write (and finish) the following sentences.
- I am … AND …
- I am … BUT …
- I am … BECAUSE …
- I am … and that’s OK because …
- I am … and that’s NOT OK because …
- I am NOT … when …
The intention here is to begin to think about our deeper motivations, to begin to pay attention to ourselves, to take a look behind the scenes and really get clear about our perceived faults and flaws. Sometimes a fault or flaw is also a survival mechanism. Sometimes our “shit” gets us what we want, it might be attention, or comfort, or a way to control our environment or the people around us. Sometimes we use cruel words to force ourselves into action.
If this exercise gives you an insight into yourself, your behavior, your patterns… or anything else in your life. I’d love to hear about it.
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I woke up before the alarm this morning thinking about this … and I couldn’t wait to get started with it. I did it in my head once already when I was laying in bed, and I want to get it written down so … here goes:
I am gross and disgusting and that’s ok because … one day I’ll be dead and it won’t matter… yikes!!
I am gross and disgusting but… I don’t have to be unless I want to be… so probably I want to be or I wouldn’t be… so it must be ok with me … hmmm… interesting…
I like to think I’m gross and disgusting because… it builds me a nice thick wall to keep people at bay… it’s an integral part of my fortress of solitude which is important to me… because… if I started letting everyone in there wouldn’t be room for me…. wow! … that’s something to think about…
I need a fortress and a wall to keep everyone at arms length because personal and intimate human interaction is very tiring… it makes me tired… and I’m too tired to do it… because I’m tired of it… tired… I am just tired…
Interesting… another word on my list… the first one from yesterday actually.
OK… so there you have it. Interestingly, my insights before I wrote it all down were somewhat different and less specific than my insights as I was actually writing them down….
So, guys… write this stuff down! on paper… with a pen or a pencil….
It was very insiteful and interesting to do this exercise
This exercise was very interesting and insiteful for me.
Update… so I realized, half way through the day… that I “cheated” a little bit on this exercise.
I am gross and disgusting because I am fat… that’s the real statement. And I didn’t want to admit to being fat, not really… it was much easier to admit to being gross and disgusting because… well… we all know that even if I describe myself that way, it isn’t really true… at least not all the time. So it was much safer and less embarrassing… less shaming… than the truth statement. I am fat.
So…
Why make a point of talking about this?
Because I had a huge break through about it… huge.
Too big to talk about here because it would take too long… the cliff notes version goes like this:
1 – I don’t even try to lose weight because I already have too much discomfort in my life. And until I address that problem – I might as well just be at peace with being fat.
2 – I put way too much stock in what other people might think of me, and it worries me way too much that other people might be disappointed when they discover that I’m just ordinary, and fat… and old… so… being gross and disgusting is a good way to keep other people at arms length…
3 – And keeping everyone at arms length, having too much discomfort in my life, and worrying about not measuring up to other peoples expectations is VERY tiring… hence the “I am tired.”
I am totally loving this project so far… because I am really getting a lot of benefit…
Ok, not sure I did this right. Did you do the sentences for every statement we made yesterday. I am finding this eye opening. I had more negative statements than positive. I really think this may help. Thanks for all the hard work Shirley.
I did this for just the worst one, initially … and since then I have done it for a couple more. I don’t think there’s a wrong way… do as many as feels comfortable and stop if it gets boring or you lose interest.
“Sometimes a fault or flaw is also a survival mechanism. Sometimes our “shit” gets us what we want, it might be attention, or comfort, or a way to control our environment or the people around us. Sometimes we use cruel words to force ourselves into action.” Those sentences speak volumes to me! So true!! All of them.