Questions

4 Responses to Questions

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  Shirley on November 4, 2006 at 2:10 am

  Well, I was feeling somewhat encouraged this morning, before I got home and checked my email and saw an account balance notification from my bank.

  I was thinking that I have 2 private dog training lessons coming up, and some stuff to sell on eBay that people might actually buy. (no one is even nibbling on the mandalas I have for sale). I was thinking that I found 7 cents on the ground when I put air in my tire that was going flat. I was thinking about what I was going to buy for my kids for christmas.

  And then I saw that my checking account balance is dangerously low, and even if I scrape together every single bit of change that I have, it might not be enough. And it for sure won’t be enough for me to get groceries and buy gas.

  I have 2 bills that come out of my checking account automatically and they will clear on Monday.. and when they do I will once again have a zero balance in my bank account. Actually less than zero, and even less than less than zero if there are any other checks out there floating around.

  So, my answer to the deep philosophical questions of the day is:

  Who gives a shit!

  I’ve got my own questions, for example:

  1. How the hell am I going to get my tire patched if I have no money?
  2. What will I do if it goes completely flat before payday?
  3. How will I make it to my private dog training class if I have no gas in my car AND a flat tire?
  4. How will I print up the paper work for that class if I have no ink for my printer, and no money to buy some?
  5. What will I eat if I have no money?
  6. Is this a good time to go on a really strict “starvation” diet?
  7. If I run out of coffee, how will I survive the inevitable migraine if I also don’t have any Excedrin?
  8. What if I run out of toilet paper?
  9. What can I take to work with me tonight that I could talk my coworkers into buying for the only starving artist that they actually know?
  10. How many fellow coworkers will actually be there who have money to spend on their starving artist?

  As far as I am concerned these are the bigger questions.. the more important questions.. and the only ones that I am interested in knowing the answers to today.

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  Shirley on November 4, 2006 at 2:12 am

  Ok.. I took some deep breaths.. and got a grip.. and thanks to friends and family.. I am going to be just fine.

  You know, there is nothing like a good support system to get you thru tough times. I have some really good friends. You know who you are. Thank you. And I have a good family too.

  So I am happy to report that I now have gas money, groceries, toilet paper, and my tire is going to get patched. I also have access to a printer to get the dog class stuff printed up. Everything is going to be alright.

  I am done freaking out.

  The really interesting thing is that I was just thinking yesterday about how I am finding that I don’t really think that prayers for prosperity (for me) are all that important. That I feel – I don’t know – like I shouldn’t be bothering all these sincere caring people on all these prayer lines with my not very important request for prosperity. After all, there are plenty of people who are experiencing pain and suffering, deprivation and disaster on a scale that makes my life look like a piece of cake.

  And it occured to me that money isn’t all that important to me. I don’t really care about it at all. (This is what I was thinking yesterday morning – this morning I had a totally different take on that subject LOL).

  So, if money isn’t all that important to me, then why do I expect that the “master of the universe” will give it to me when I ask for it. And is it even really (in my mind) a valid prayer request.

  I came to the conclusion that the next time I emailed or called for prayer, that I was going to pray a little bit differently. I decided that I would pray for peace; for a knowing that I am “safe” in the world; for the ability to just trust that whatever is needed will come to me.

  I have been especially fascinated by a commercial on tv.. I think it’s a kleenex commercial.. where there is this really mellow buddhist monk who is gently helping a turtle.. I am sure you guys must have seen it.. and the punch line is that he sneezes and then he realizes that he is killing germs by using the kleenex tissue. But what really struck me about it is the aura of peace.. of moving slowly and with “presence”.. like totally loving and trusting everything.

  And I have been wanting that. That calm serenity. I am probably rambling and not explaining myself too well. But that is what I have been thinking I would start to pray for. Just an inner knowing that I am beloved of the universe – and even if I have nothing, I am alright.

  So then this thing happens with my checking account and I freak out. I mean I totally freaked out. But now everything is ok. And it’s kind of like the Master of the Universe was giving me a little lesson entitled: Shirley, you are alright. You are safe in the world. And there is no need to worry about money.

  Anyway.. that’s whats up with me.

  Maybe later I will comment on my answers to those philosophical questions posed in todays post.

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  Shirley on November 4, 2006 at 2:14 am

  Well, it looks like I am the only one here today. But, anyway, I have been thinking about the questions and here are my answers:

  What do I ultimately want out of life? Understanding, and a knowing of who I really am.

  What gives my life meaning? I don’t know. I hope it means something. I hope it means that I did more than just take up space and consume products.

  If I had my life to live over, what would I do with it? Probably the same things, unless I could start over with the rememberance of everything that has happened so far. In which case, I would — I don’t know — probably do the same things I am doing with it now. That’s a tricky question.

  What ideals, if any, would I be willing to die for? Ok.. well I would die for my family, my friends, my dog. So I guess I would be willing to put it all on the line for love.

  What would bring me more happiness than anything else in the world? There are a number of things that would bring me happiness.. like if I could provide for my family and friends in a really big way. That would be a happy thing. To be able to go to the beach, and enjoy the sun and the waves and the sand and all that.. that would be so much fun. But ultimately, I think what would bring me the most happiness would be if I could .. I am not sure how to explain it…

  I have an idea that we are God expressing in different individual ways. And if I could actually REALLY feel that, and really know it, and totally have that experience.. in a lasting way.. well that would probably bring me the most happiness… I think what I am saying is that the feeling of separation is strong and bitter inside me.. and if I could just transcend that .. and no longer feel so alone.. and cut off.. if I didn’t feel as if I am adrift in this human body.. in this physical world.. lost and separated from spirit.. if I could transcend that .. it would really be a happy thing.

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  Melissa J on November 5, 2006 at 2:15 am

  In response to the sorrow and depression in the posts from yesterday:
  The one book that really made all the difference for me in my understanding of “God” is PROSPERITY by Charles Fillmore. I had to read it aloud because I couldn’t comprehend what he was saying just by skimming the words. I had to say them aloud and really try to comprehend them. Seriously, that book changed my life. It was immediately after reading PROSPERITY and another book, CREATING MONEY, that I got a much-better paying job that was closer to home and things comtinued to improve from there – we were able to move into a nice place and we were able to get a second car (a ’93 Chrysler, but it meets our needs which is all I wanted).
  One book I’m working with now is SPIRITUAL ECONOMICS, which says something to the effect of “Even within the appearance of lack there is a fullness of everything.” I can’t remember exactly how he phrased it, but if Divine Substance is the creative power for everything that exists and is within everything, and it is everywhere present, then even within pain/suffering/lack/limitation there must exist the allness and fullness of Divine Substance; within that lack there must exist the potential to come forth all that we need. It’s explained much better in the book, but it made sense to me.
  I’ve noticed that when I go back to my old ways of thinking and praying to a God outside myself and pleading for what I want, that’s when I’ve lost touch with Divine Substance and nothing that I wish for “comes true”. It’s when I remember my understanding of Divine Substance and how to grab hold of it and mold it to manifest what I need, that my needs are met. That’s why I re-read those books that helped me gain that understanding in the first place. When I re-read them, I get different insights and sometimes deeper insights out of them. It always reminds me of my perception of what Divine Substance is (not that benevolent or jealous personality that the outer world calls God).
  Maybe one of our 30-day experiments could be all reading PROSPERITY together and see what happens. That would be pretty cool.

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