Missing Mom
Sometimes I miss my mom. This is an especially familiar feeling for me because when I was 5 years old, my parents sent me away to boarding school. As a result, I had to learn how to be my own mom at a very young age. Somebody had to nurture and protect me or I wasn’t going to survive the experience.
No matter what your life experience was or is, we all want and need to be nurtured and protected. Part of Radical Self Care is taking an active part in that role of nurturer and protector. For some of us there’s a learning curve because we didn’t experience this early in life and we aren’t sure how to do it. For some of us, self care is riddled with guilt and fear because we were taught to never ever do it.
Right here, right now, this very moment, let’s invoke our inner moms. Who is she? What does she look like? Where has she been hiding out? Do we need to resurrect her from the ashes of our childhoods? Do we need to create her from the inner core of who we really are? Does she need a reboot? A makeover? Maybe even an extreme makeover?
Remember, your inner mom and your actual mom are NOT one and the same. Take some time today to think about this. Maybe write a small paragraph about her, have a conversation….
My inner mom and my outer mom are in total agreement right now. It’s time to get offline and do the dishes. I’d really love to hear your thoughts and ideas!
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It is difficult to distinguish wether it is my “inner mom” speaking or what I think of as the “real” me. I was trying to figure out if there was a role model mother. Someone I wished was my mother but I couldn’t come up with one. I feel like “real” me gives the best advice but I hesitate to follow it because of the short term tidal waves that would cause even though I have a feeling in the long term I would be happier. Lately I have been pondering on how much we leave out of what we say and do to “spare” other people’s feelings. Yes it reduces friction but it’s so phony and I don’t like phony.
Be true to the “real you” … seriously! That’s my best advice and my honest opinion. Let the chips fall where they may. Might not be the tidal wave you expect… of course it also might be every bit as dramatic as you imagine… either way… trust your inner instincts… be true to you!!
I often wonder if my nurturing is instructive, learned, or an aftereffect of not having had children who I very much longed for. I wouldn’t say I ‘mother’ so much as nurture. They aren’t the same thing always. I learned to be strong by watching my mother’s acquiesce. But I’ve also learned to be reasonable by observing my father’s unreasonable demanding nature. My inner mother is pretty kind. She nurtures my often and well, but I still hear little whispers of ‘not perfect enough’ and ‘good girls don’t do things like that’.