Journaling
I Did It!
Today I thought we might begin to discover our prime motivators. That which gets us up and moving. We’ve been working on figuring ourselves out for about 10 days now, have you discovered anything new about what motivates … or demotivates you? What pushes you forward? What holds you back?
Here are a few suggestions to get us started:
- It’s easy for me to … because I am motivated by …
- It’s hard for me to … because I am very resistant to …
- I always want to … because I love …
- I never want to … because I hate …
- When I feel … it’s easy for me to … because … gets me moving.
- When I feel … it’s very hard for me to … because … stops me dead in my tracks.
Yesterday’s exercise gave me a little bit more insight in this direction when I discovered that I find it easy to do interesting things. This tells me that curiosity is one of my prime motivators. I have also discovered over the course of this project that discomfort is a major demotivator for me. If it’s going to make me uncomfortable, I’m not going to want to do it, unless I’m super interested or curious … in which case the discomfort is over ridden by my curiosity. And of course, I cannot forgo a challenge… so if someone tells me that something is impossible, I will immediately go to work proving them wrong.
How does knowing this make my life better, easier, more comfortable, or more prosperous?
Well, if I take a look at my “prosperity list” – I can see that a working bathtub is one of the things I wrote down that I felt was possible or doable right now. I have also discovered over the course of the project that I need more comfort in my life, and what could be more comfortable that a nice hot relaxing bath?
So now I know that I’m not fixing my plumbing because the imagined discomfort (a demotivator for me) outweighs my curiosity (a motivator). It doesn’t seem impossible enough to be a challenge (another motivator), and nobody has told me that I couldn’t possibly do it (highly motivating). I have also discovered that other people’s opinions and expectations mean a lot to me, so I could possibly use that as a motivator in my plumbing project by offering to reward someone for helping me with the plumbing… then I would have to actually do it because someone else would be relying on me to follow through (highly motivating).
When you look at your past successes, do you see similar motivations? Have you figured out anything that will help make your life right now better, easier, more comfortable, or more prosperous? Is there one small thing that you could find a way to motivate yourself to accomplish?
Easy Peasy
Lets talk today about things we find easy compared to what we think is hard. I also think it would be interesting and informative to take this one or two steps further, and discover how we feel about easy vs hard.
Is it true that there are many things we could do, that would be good for us to do, but we don’t do them because we think they are too hard? Let’s find out. Alternatively, could it also be true that there are way too many things that are not so great for us, and we find our selves doing them because it’s just so darn easy?
I know that I go for easy over hard any day. And yet, even as I say that, I also know that I find impossible tasks much more interesting than easy ones, and impossible tasks are often “easier” for me to jump into than “hard” ones. I love a good challenge!
Often, especially in our relationships with friends and family, we find ourselves taking the easy way out because we want to avoid conflict. Maybe we don’t want to “rock the boat”, maybe we don’t want to take on the responsibility for the decision making. Personally, I like to avoid conflict, but I also like to be the one who makes the decisions. At the same time, I do not find it easy to let someone make decisions for me. What about you? Are you a peacemaker? A boat rocker? A decision maker? A loyal follower?
Let’s grab our notebooks and see what we can learn about ourselves by filling in the blanks of the sentence below. Keep writing variations of the sentence until you begin to see a pattern developing, or until you run out of scenarios. Ready? Here goes:
- It’s easy for me to … because …. but it’s hard for me to … because …
For example:
It’s easy for me to blog and write posts for my websites because it’s interesting to me and I enjoy the creative aspects of it… but it’s hard for me to do the mega WordPress update because that seems fraught with danger and I have no idea what will happen and I’m afraid that it might be a huge ordeal.
It’s easy for me to sit and watch Ray Donovan because I love Ray, the show is interesting and I get lost in the story… but it’s hard for me to get on the treadmill and walk while watching because my feet might hurt, and I’m already tired, and I’m just too lazy.
Already I see a theme developing. If something is interesting, I’m much more likely to do it. If something seems uncomfortable, well, chances are I won’t be too keen on it.
Another thing I discovered while looking for images to illustrate this post is that it is generally believed that “taking the easy way” is somehow wrong, easy is “bad” and hard is “good.” Success never comes easy, it only comes hard. I’m not sure that I agree with this, what do you think?
Scary Stuff
Some of our roadblocks can be directly attributed to fear. Because of this, I thought it would be informative and interesting to make a list of all the stuff that scares us. I have this idea that as we list the things that scare us, we might actually begin to see that some of these things relate to our “I can’t… because…” list.
Here are some suggestions to get us started:
- I am afraid of…
- It scares me to…
- I get scared when…
- … is way too scary to even think about doing.
- Yesterday I was afraid to…
Note: I found that I had to sift through the above statements to find the ones that worked for me. As you can see from the examples below, the “I am afraid of…” triggered a lot of nonsense, while the “It scares me to…” started to bring up more truth. The “I get scared when…” brought up some really interesting stuff. The “way too scary” rang true as well. And the “Yesterday I was afraid…” brought up something that actually scared me as soon as I wrote it!
- I am afraid to be alone. (not true).
- I am afraid of monsters, spiders, creatures in the night. (again… not true)
- It scares me to climb up a ladder. (truth)
- It scares me to talk to people I don’t know. (truth)
- I get scared when I don’t know what to do next. (interesting… it might be true)
- I get scared when I think someone doesn’t like me. (really?… yes, I think so… hmmm I wonder why)
- Putting myself “out” there, in person, is way too scary to even think about doing. (very true)
- Jumping out of an airplane is way too scary to even think about doing. (also very true)
- Yesterday I was afraid to tell someone the truth about what I was really thinking. (yikes! Right now I am frightened by the fact that I actually said that out loud on the internet. LOL)
As always, if you learn something interesting from this exercise, I’d love to hear about it.
Yes, but…
Yesterday we pulled out one doable thing and wrote down the steps required to attain it. In days past, we’ve explored the “I can’t because…” and we explored the “I would… if..” stories that we tell ourselves. Today it’s time to get down and dirty and find every resistance, every excuse, and all our reasons why this one small thing isn’t happening.
Let’s use the example of having plumbing that actually works. This is something that is actually on my prosperity list, and I did the “I would if’s” about it in one of the previous posts.
Looks pretty simple, doesn’t it? Hire a plumber. And yet, I have had this plumbing issue for more than a year because I have been hugely resistant to hiring a plumber. It’s also a pretty simple plumbing issue that I could probably fix myself if I did a little research and followed directions. And I’ve been equally resistant to that as well. So… now what?
Take a look at what you wrote yesterday, your step by step tasks that are needed to achieve your particular doable “goal.” Time now to apply the following statements to every aspect of those tasks that brought up feelings of resistance, dread, fear, a tightness in your mouth, a heaviness on your heart… every single task that doesn’t feel good to think about doing right now this minute.
- But…
- But then I’d have to…
- But I don’t want to…
- I couldn’t possibly…
- I don’t like to…
- Oh God… really??? I have to ….. ???
This is how it looks for my plumbing issue.
Getting the faucet fixed in the bathtub so I can take nice hot bath.
- Call a plumber and schedule an appointment… DREAD… FEAR… But then I’d have to have someone in my house that I don’t know, and he’d probably think I’m bat shit crazy, and I don’t want to have to do all the cleaning up that I’d feel compelled to do, and it makes me so tired to think about it, and already I’m judging myself through an unknown persons eyes which is retarded and stupid, but I’m doing it anyway… So…
- Alternatively do it myself which requires the following:
- Look up you tube videos on how to do it.
- Make a list of supplies needed.
- Go to the hardware store and buy the supplies.
- Pay James to stand around and offer moral support while I dive into the unknown — Oh God… really??? I have to actually DO it?? No dread or fear… maybe a little anxiety and a tinge of excitement… But what if I mess it up? what if the pipes don’t seal properly? what if it takes hours and hours? I don’t like to do plumbing because I have to fold myself up into all kinds of uncomfortable positions… what if I fail? And I could have been doing something else, more interesting, more fun…
And now that I’ve got it all written out in black and white… it sounds so much less stressful to just do it myself. Even my excuses and resistance sound so flimsy that I think I just might actually do it. Which would be awesome, and a major life improvement.
Baby Steps
We’ve been at this for a week now, and I think it’s time to take some definitive action. Let’s look back at our prosperity visions and see if we can find one small doable thing. Nothing too hard, nothing overly complicated… something simple and well within the realm of possibility.
I’m willing to bet that each of you have something on your list that you know you COULD accomplish, or do, or have, but you don’t, or haven’t, or won’t. It doesn’t have to be something that happens right away. It could be more long term, like finding a great job, learning a skill, or starting your own business.
Alternatively, you can use the “more money” idea. I am sure that we all have that on our prosperity list. In which case, you could start a list of all the ways you could begin to bring in more money. Clipping coupons. Odd jobs. Cutting costs. Selling stuff. Making stuff to sell. Etc.
Here’s another example: if your vision of prosperity includes travel… maybe you could think about planning a small trip. Traveling someplace close enough to be affordable and interesting enough to be fun.
Once you have found something small and simple that you think you can find the resources for. Write it down. Now, make a list of what is required. List all the steps that need to be taken in order to achieve it. Pay attention to any resistance you might feel. Be aware of and notice which of the steps you cringe at the thought of actually having to do.
Tomorrow we’re going to explore these resistances and road blocks. Today, we’re just writing down the abc’s of how we might get there from here.
I Would If…
So today we’re going to pull out all of our “I can’t” statements from yesterday and rewrite them by substituting “I would… if …” Then we’re going to go several steps further by continuing with our statements until we loop back to the beginning or we know we’ve come to the end.
Here are a couple of examples:
I can’t lose weight because I love to eat too much.
- I would lose weight if I didn’t love to eat too much.
- I wouldn’t love to eat too much if I felt more satisfied with myself.
- I would feel more satisfied with myself if I had more physical affection coming my way.
- I would have more physical affection in my life if I had a love relationship.
- I would have a love relationship if I wasn’t embarrassed by how I look.
- I wouldn’t be so embarrassed by how I look if I could lose weight.
Hmmm… it’s a catch 22… that was interesting and unexpected. I’m not quite sure what to do with it at this point, so I’m just going to leave it and go on to the next statement:
I can’t fix my plumbing because I don’t know how.
- I would fix my plumbing if I knew how.
- I would know how to fix my plumbing if I was a plumber.
- If I was a plumber I would fix my plumbing, but I’m not a plumber… so now what?
- I could fix my plumbing if I hired a plumber…
- So why don’t I?
- Alternatively, I could fix my plumbing if I became a plumber!
Again, interesting…
Continue with your “I can’t” statements from yesterday until you’ve completed them all, or until the exercise becomes boring. As you work through them, you might begin to see a pattern or a recurring theme.
As always, it will be much more effective and illuminating if you actually put pen to paper and write it down. I had a number of insights when I was working on this post… and those insights did not come when I was imagining and planning this exercise. They came when I was actually writing it all down.
Defining Our Limitations
The last couple of days have been fun… living in “la la” land… imagining a different reality, listing all of our awesome qualities, detailing what we’d like our lives to be. A dream… or dreams… that we wish would come true. And yet they don’t. At least, they haven’t yet…. so what’s up with that?
And this is where today’s exercise comes in. We’re going to “get real” and make a list of all the reasons why we can’t have that alternate reality. Kind of a downer, I know… but here goes.
Take a look back at your personal visions of prosperity. The ones you wrote down in your notebook yesterday. And make a note of all the reasons why they can’t come true. Fill in and finish the following sentence (I can’t … because …) as many times as you can. Be detailed. Be ruthless. Be real.
Here are some examples:
- I can’t lose weight because I like to eat too much.
- I can’t get fit because I hate to exercise.
- I can’t fix the plumbing because I don’t know how.
- I can’t go on a trip because I don’t have any money.
- I can’t have a bunch of money because I don’t have a great job.
- I can’t have a great job because I don’t know how to do anything useful.
Be sure to actually write these down, because tomorrow we’re going to work on our “I can’t” statements some more. We’re going to rework and rewrite them, and maybe even learn something useful in the process.
VERY IMPORTANT – do not take any of these “I can’t” statements seriously… and don’t dwell on them… or let them take you down… We are listing them because we need to look at the stories we tell ourselves. We need to find the stories that stop us from doing what we love, that stop us from being who we want to be, that stop us from enjoying ourselves and our lives. We are simply exploring the words we use to define our experiences… we are NOT going on a downward spiral of self hatred and defeatism.
Prosperity – What is it?
Today we’re changing it up a little bit and looking at what does prosperity mean, specifically, what does it mean to you personally. The dictionary definition is pretty broad, it’s as follows:
- A successful, flourishing, or thriving condition, especially in financial respects; good fortune.
- Prosperous circumstances, characterized by financial success or good fortune.
What we’re looking for here are specifics. What exactly does it mean for you personally. What would it take for you to “feel” and/or “be” prosperous? And yes, once again, let’s write that list down. Firm it up. Give it texture and life with lots of details and specifics.
Tomorrow we’re going to take a closer look at our lists and our prosperity visions, so don’t be shy about writing everything down that says “prosperity” to you. And don’t stop there, go ahead and write down everything you really want.
Is it a stack of money? A guaranteed income? A new house, nice clothes, state of the art electronics, a new car? Is it vacation time? A job you love? Financial stability? Safety and comfort? Health? Happiness? Fame? Fortune? A fulfilling career? Travel opportunities? Excitement? Adventure? All of the above? Something completely different?
Something Good
Today we are going to work on a new list. I’m calling it the “Something Good About Me” list. Let’s take some time today to write a nice long list of everything we can think of about ourselves that we perceive to be good. All of our positive qualities, our talents, our strengths.
Don’t be tempted to skimp on this list. Make it as long and as detailed as you possibly can. Include sentences that begin with the following:
- I have …
- I can …
- I do …
- I am …
- I know …
- I understand …
- I make …
Writing It Down
Today we are going to revisit yesterday’s list of “I am…” statements. I hope you wrote them down, and if you didn’t take some time right now to revisit yesterday’s post and make a list of at least 5 statements.
As you look over the I am statements from yesterday, take a little bit of time to read each one and think about how does it make you feel to say that?
- Good? Bad? Happy? Sad? Embarrassed? Ashamed?
- Maybe it just feels true… and neither good nor bad.
Today, I want us to take a look at the statement that we like the least. The one that makes us feel the worst when we think it. It might even be something that you wouldn’t even be comfortable saying out loud. Take that statement and write it in big bold letters on a new page of your notebook.
- Are you avoiding it?
- Hiding from it?
- Fighting with it?
- Overwhelmed by it?
- At a loss as to what to do about it?
- All of the above?
- None of the above?
- Something else is going on with it?
While you are contemplating this statement about yourself, make a circle around it. Any kind of a circle, a big fat circle, a raggedy jaggedy circle, a complicated spiral, a simple bubble… doesn’t matter. Just make a circle around your statement.
Once your circle is complete, on the OUTSIDE of that circle, write, draw, or doodle whatever it is that you’d like to do to it. Maybe you want to decorate it… maybe you want to poke holes in it… maybe you want to yell at it… drop bombs on it… You’ll know when you’re done.
Now, underneath what you’ve just done, write (and finish) the following sentences.
- I am … AND …
- I am … BUT …
- I am … BECAUSE …
- I am … and that’s OK because …
- I am … and that’s NOT OK because …
- I am NOT … when …
The intention here is to begin to think about our deeper motivations, to begin to pay attention to ourselves, to take a look behind the scenes and really get clear about our perceived faults and flaws. Sometimes a fault or flaw is also a survival mechanism. Sometimes our “shit” gets us what we want, it might be attention, or comfort, or a way to control our environment or the people around us. Sometimes we use cruel words to force ourselves into action.
If this exercise gives you an insight into yourself, your behavior, your patterns… or anything else in your life. I’d love to hear about it.
- Radical Self Care Project Overview by shirleytwofeathers - No Comment
- Radical Self Care Image Gallery by shirleytwofeathers - No Comment
- It’s A Wrap by shirleytwofeathers - 3 Comments
- Something To Consider by shirleytwofeathers - 1 Comment
- Nurturing Your Precious Self by shirleytwofeathers - 3 Comments
me: Make Your Own Violet Fire
Abdulrahman: Money Chant – Very Fast
Shirley Twofeathers: It’s A Wrap
Daniel Knirs: It’s A Wrap
Our current project began on July 4. We are exploring the concept and practice of Radical Self Care . Feel free to join in at any time!
Interested? You can visit our current project page, or you can take a look at the About The Project page if you are curious about the concept.
.
Please feel free to join in at any time! No experience necessary.
- Money Chant - Fast
- Money Chant - Slow
- Prosperity Plan
- Amazing Creator
- Cause and Effect
- I Am That I Am
- Spirit Rap
- Lakshmi Spirit Rap
- PowWow Spirit Rap
Enter your question and receive the wisdom of the Occulatum. You may pose your question in any way that feels appropriate. The answer will come in the form of a small pop up. Try it - your life just might change for the better!
I think it's time to go shopping... maybe even buy some really cool stuff at my online shops!!
