Relationships
The Family Circle
Manfri Frederick Wood, a founding member of the Gypsy Council, and for many years its president, said that he had never met a Gypsy who had a hobby. The reason was that life itself is a hobby to the Rom. They believe in living life to its fullest, and in trying to take an intelligent interest in every job they do, they find there is no need to do anything just to “kill time.” As Wood says:
A Gaujo will go out for a walk or a drive merely for the sake of walking or driving – but a Gypsy won’t; he must have some reason for doing so; he is studying the lay of the land or the movements of the gamekeeper, or the habits of the game in the locality; or he is advertising the fact that he is in the area, where he is known and has a reputation for doing this, that, or the other job…
Even when he does appear to be at play – for instance singing and dancing, gambling, or doing a chop – it is with a view to something extra in the pocket.
The same holds true jfor the whole family. Even the children seldom play, in the strict sense of the word. They work along with the rest of the family. They may do basket work, peg-making, artificial flower making, wood carving or metal work; they may work with animals, or do dyeing, hedging, ditching, or perhaps dukkering (fortunetelling).
The family works as a unit. Boys will help their fathers with the horses and, from a very early age, will learn how to make deals. Girls similarly learn domestic chores from their mothers and also how to tell fortunes and work simple magick. There is a special closeness in a Romani family not found anywhere else.
Yet as with any family, there are times when the closeness is threatened. There are times when magick is needed, and used, to reinforce family ties.
From: Gypsy Love Magick by Raymond Buckland
About Arranged Marriages
In the past it used to be that Gypsy child marriages were arranged. This is seldom the case today, though it does happen on rare occasions. Jean-Paul Clébert speaks of it in the book The Gypsies (1967).
“Among some Gypsy groups traces remain of the marriage of children before puberty: in general, between eight to fourteen years of age. Such unions are decided upon by the parents and, for a certainty, without the consent of the interested parties. The ceremony is limited to a simple formality, and the children remain with their own families until they have reached puberty. There is never any cohabitation.
At the moment of puberty (and when no unavoidable difficulties have arisen), a second ceremony seals the effective union. Yet the custom of precocious marriage is becoming increasingly rare, at least among western Gypsies.”
Clébert also speaks of there being three main forms of marriage:
- Abduction – by force or consent
- Purchase
- Mutual consent
The abduction and outright purchase forms are little seen today. More generally the parents of a teenage boy will decide which girl in the tribe is most eligible for him (though today the young couple’s feelings for one another are given definite consideration). They will then meet with the girl’s parents and, should they be favorable, come to an agreement regarding her dowry. From there the couple are regarded as engaged.
There is no engagement ring, as in gorgio society, but the girl is given a gold coin that she wears around her neck. This is usually an English sovereign (a Queen Victoria Jubilee sovereign is especially esteemed). The girl could be as young as thirteen, but sixteen is more usual. The boy could be anywhere from sixteen to eighteen.
~Raymond Buckland
A Note About Love Spells
One point needs to be emphasized! You must never try to interfere with another’s free will. We are all individuals, each with our own lives to lead. During your lifetime there may well be times when you feel especially attracted to a particular person and feel strongly tempted to work magick to gain that person’s love. If you go ahead and perform that magick, then what you are doing is akin to rape!
Working magick is making things happen… making things happen. To make someone fall in love with you, then, is to force them to fall in love with you, to go against their free will. How would you feel if you knew you had been forced to love someone you didn’t naturally care for?
So what can you do if you feel strongly about a particular person? The answer is to work on yourself, magickally or however, to make yourself so attractive that the person (or perhaps someone else, someone even better that you hadn’t realized was around) will fall for you naturally.
~Raymond Buckland
Healing Old Wounds
This is magick used when there has been a rift in the family, be it between two individuals or between two whole groups within the family. It can be recognized as basic sympathetic magick.
Take a long white candle and break it into as many parts as there are factions. However, be careful not to break the wick – only the wax.
On each section of the candle carve the name of the individual or the initials of the major figures in the dispute (for example: should it be one whole branch of the family against another, with perphas as many persons in each group, then just mark the initials of the leaders, such as the father, mother, or grandmother, etc).
Lay the broken candle on a sheet of clean parchment (paper will do). Light a pink (best), red (second best) or white (third choice) candle and hold it over the broken candle so that the melting wax drops down onto the breaks, sealing them.
The broken candle should be slowly turned, keeping it on the parchment, so that all sides of the breaks become joined by the falling wax. As you do this, say: “Heal! Heal! Heal!” repeating it as necessary until the white candle is whole again.
When the engraved candle is once again whole, stand it upright in a holder and light it. It should then be left to burn down completely.
From: Raymond Buckland
To Entice Love
This spell can be used to attract love or to draw a lover closer. It should be begun on the night of a new moon.
Take a salt shaker and pepper shaker, and designate one the female and the other the male. Then take a piece of pink ribbon, and tie the female object to one end and the male object to the other, leaving about a foot of ribbon between them.
Every morning, untie the ribbon, move the objects a little closer together, and retie the knots.
Eventually the salt and pepper shakers will touch. Leave them bound together for seven days before untying them. By this time, love should have entered your life or your current partner should have drawn closer.
~Gillian Kemp
Brotherly and Sisterly Love
To draw children in a family closer, as well as to stop them from bickering, take water from a stream or river. Bring it to a boil on a fire built with fresh twigs. Write the name of each child on a bay leaf and let them simmer together in the water. Ask Venus (The Goddess of Love) to bless them.
Using a pin, inscribe the names of the children on a pink candle and then light the candle, so that its flame may flicker over your spell.
Take a pink, a blue, and a green ribbon. Braid them together, knot the ends, and tie a knot in the middle. The first knot represents will, the second, wisdom, and the third, activity.
- Remove the pot from the fire and leave it to cool.
- Extract the bay leaves.
- Allow the candle and the fire to burn down.
In the garden or in an unused flower pot, bury the ribbon under the bay leaves. Sprinkle ash from the fire on top, and then plant a rosebush or miniature rose on top of everything. (The rose is a potent ingredient in any love potion.)
As the rose grows, the bond between the children will be strengthened. This spell is also said to work when children from two marriages are brought together.
From: The Good Spell Book
Gypsy Spell For Love
Perhaps there is someone in whom you are very much interested. He or she seems to notice you but makes no move to develop a relationship. This is not a spell to draw that loved one to you, but more to “open the way,” so that if there is interest there, he or she will feel free to make advances.
The Seeker should set a wineglass on the table. Then suspend a ring (traditionally the mother’s wedding band) from a length of red silk ribbon. Holding the ribbon between thumb and forefinger, as a pendulum, with the elbow resting on the table, let the ring hang in the mouth of the wineglass. Initially you should try to keep the ring still.
In a loud, clear voice, call out your own name followed by the name of your would-be love. Repeat the name of your love twice more (three times in all). Then, thinking of him/her, allow the ring to swing until it “chinks” against the side of the wineglass once for each letter as you spell out the name.
Now take the ribbon and tie it about your neck, allowing the ring to hang down on your chest over the heart. Wear it for three weeks. Every Friday repeat the above ritual. By the end of the third week, if it is meant to be, then the loved one will come to you.
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