If Microsoft Made Cats
If microsoft made cats instead of computers, here is what you might expect:
- MS stands for Moggy-Soft (UK version) or Meow-Soft (US version).
- PC stands for PussyCat, the standard platform on which the Moggy-Soft/Meow-Soft operating system is installed. It will also run on a Laptop PC.
There is no Command Line interface since MS-Cats do not take commands; they process suggestions using fluffy logic.
MS-Cats come with a single user licence. If you want a family cat you must purchase CatNT, the multi-user version.
Each MS-Cat package is totally unique and cannot be transferred from one PC to another. Should you transfer your PC to another user, you must transfer it with the MS-Cat software preinstalled.
Under the MS-Cat purchase deal, you may opt to purchase a MS-Kitten (the cut-down version of MS-Cat). However, MS-Kitten is a developing application and as more and more patches are installed it will eventually inflate to the size of MS-Cat. It is recommended that you buy MS-Cat as the bugs and quirks will already be known (although there is nothing to stop new ones from developing due to the complex and subtle interaction of the various MS software options).
Every time you upgrade to a new MS-Cat, it looks and feels the same but acts totally differently.
If MS-Cat or MS-Kitten requires a software upgrade it will spontaneously download the appropriate items with minimal user intervention.
- Note: Due to the application of fluffy logic, some patches may adversely affect performance and require tailoring by the user.
- Note: Anti-Trust Laws require that we point out that Mewnix may be used as an alternative operating system on MS-Cat compatible platforms.
Claws is a standard feature which comes bundled with MS-Cat. There is currently no option to buy MS-Cat without this item. CLAWS is pre-installed and it is up to the user must uninstall it at additional cost..
Note: In countries such as the United Kingdom, CLAWS may not be legally uninstalled except where it is causing severe system degradation as opposed to mere user inconvenience.
The standard MS Dis-Organizer will ensure that you cannot find small items such as keys, wristwatches or jewelry and that you encounter other items (dead mice, poopies, pukies) at the most inconvenient times. It will help you to miss some engagements completely and to turn up late for others.
MS-Cat will periodically enter Power-Save mode to conserve system resources. Power-Save mode may be spontaneously engaged either when the system has been idle for some time or in response to a period of high activity. Do not be alarmed if MS-Cat invokes Power-Save in the middle of an intensive activity operation. This is a perfectly normal although mildly irritating response to resource drain. The system will Re-Boot when it is ready and not before!
Installed, but only available to specialist engineers! You must not attempt to Boot your MS-Cat; this is done at system initialization before it leaves the factory. Your MS-Cat operating system will automatically put the host PC or Laptop into Power-Save mode and cause it to Reboot itself periodically throughout the day and night If your MS-Cat suffers erratic performance or fails to boot fully, consult a veterinarian or similarly qualified specialist to Reboot your MS-Cat for you.
All MS products are designed with built-in obsolescence. Due to a unique “randomizing” factor, only the MS-Cat knows this date. It is not user accessible unless you have cause to prematurely close the unit down due to a terminal fault. Self-shutdown is normally preceded by gradual and noticeable operating system degradation. Once closed down in this way, any MS-Cat stored data cannot be salvaged. The self-shutdown program cannot be uninstalled.
- SYSTEM THRASHING WARNING SIGNAL
Conveniently located at the aft end of the cat above the waste outlet valve. Be careful of tail thrashing! Ignoring this warning signal may result in damage to the operator.
A number of purrifurrals are supported by MS-Cat e.g. scrunchy wad of paper, catnip mousie, jingly ball. Others may be added at the owner’s discretion.
Note: Some proprietary add-ons will fail to install. This is perfectly normal.
Despite 100% compatibility with the MS-Cat operating system, a random error generator ensures that each is unique in the number and range of supported third party add-on hardware. Use of purrifurrals will enhance operator enjoyment of the system, but may temporarily deplete system resources resulting in sudden activation of Power-Save mode.
MS-Cat reserves the right to ignore selected purrifurrals, either temporarily or permanently, for no particular reason. When this occurs, replace the purrifurral with something newer and flashier.