I cannot begin to describe this cretinous existence of mine. Nor how lonely it is to be without family or friends. The only white man in this country… perhaps on this whole continent. Meanwhile I have become the father of sixty-two children… but this gives me no satisfaction. Perhaps next year I shall come back and marry. I would live in the lands of ice and snow… anywhere to be away from here… The heat here is mean and inescapable. It courses through the bodies of the people like a fever – and yet my heart grows colder and colder.